• http://www.rebellin.net Lynnette

    Ha! I, too, find these shows addicting while pregnant. We have an understanding at home that I’ll only watch them when the hubby is out of the room, and we don’t discuss the shows, as my hubby thinks I’m obsessed. I say you try growing a human and not being fascinated by TV shows about it!

  • Megan

    Creepy. I can’t watch that crap anymore… The only time I wanted A Baby Story was while I was pregnant– 5 years ago. Now, it makes me get this nauseous tingly feeling in my stomach.. Can’t handle it. Ugh. I’m retching just thinking about it.

  • Katie

    I watched that Freebirthing show and I thought that girl with stuck placenta was insane. Literally. Anyone who wants to give birth without the aid of medical professionals and drugs is certifiable in my book.

    Best wishes to you and your growing family!

  • http://www.ahabitworthforming.blogspot.com Annie Stevens

    I love the comments by Jenny Hatch! She reminds me of those fat, uneducated, biased hicks in Missouri who think that their lack of educational is excused by either religion or just a personal sense of superiority! Seems like you don’t have comments on your blog, because I would love nothing better than to tell you personally what an idiot you are.

    “Heather has chosen to be a shill for Big Pharma by loudly proclaiming her addiction to Prozac and her use of this dangerous drug during pregnancy….do I care? Sure, I feel bad for her unborn daughter, and any potential heart problems she may have, but does that mean I am going to go on a campaign to convince or tell her I won’t tolerate her lifestyle? No.”

    Like you didn’t make your opinions clear there! If the mother is not happy, the baby won’t be. Medication helps a lot of people – I was unlucky in that that medication has not helped me sufficiently through my post-partum depression, but it’s a hit-or-miss struggle that I’ve fought for awhile.

    Just because not every woman has a giant vagina hidden by a muumuu of a denim dress, doesn’t mean that they are covertly working for the man to keep all you idiots in your hill huts. You know, I do believe that stupidity is the Prozac of most of the country – the smarter one is, the more miserable, because you realize that while you don’t know that much, you know enough to realize how the world really works. You also realize that the ugly, unenlightened idiots such as yourself are multiplying like crazy.

  • Grace

    You know what else bugs the crap out of me about all this hippie “natural birth” crap? The people who tell you that you should eat your own placenta. They are always screaming that “all sorts of other animals eat their own placentas! It’s healthy!”

    Uh, Coco eats her own shit, too, and you don’t see anyone suggesting that.

  • Kami

    to 343. Kristi…. lady, calm down- you’re being just as negative, if not more. We’re having a discussion about children, and now people are starting to act like children?

    No way… my captcha is “induces 500″- pfff

  • becky

    Oh my goodness, this could not be more timely. I’m 27 weeks with my first and watched The Business of Being Born last night. Already going with a midwife, etc, but the one thing that really pissed me off was the doctors talking to the women in labor, saying “Ok, Mommy, you need to push now or we’ll have to have a c-section”. I turned to my husband and said “If anyone calls me ‘Mommy’ while I’m in labor, so help me God, they need to be forcibly removed from the room!” What the f*ck?! So patronizing!

  • http://mitegraphics.com Teresa

    I just love your blog, and am amazed by the volume and content of the comments that it produces. The beauty of it all, and I believe others have also said this, is that you have the CHOICE to do what is best for you, your family and most importantly, for your baby. Don’t judge. Dooce, keep sharing your witty observations!

  • Anonymous

    Turn off the TV. That is all.

  • Claire

    Yup,
    “Hi, Mommy” is part of my memories of our only child’s birth. After 24 hours of un-fun, the doctor on call decided to lighten the “mood” by waving my son’s blue, goop covered arm at me and squeak ” Hi, Mommy!!!” while the lower part of his body was traveling through my birth canal…I was embarrassed for him and it was a good thing for the epidural or I prolly would have jumped off the table and smacked some sense into the man. THAT, was NOT part of my birth plan.
    Best of luck, Heather.

  • Elinda

    I always laugh at the shows where the first-time pregnant woman, who has read every crunchy granola book there is about labor and delivery, is talking about how her birth will be a peaceful, wonderful experience and under no circumstances will she take any pain medications, yada, yada. Then they show her actual labor. She’s 2cm and screaming like a banshee! “Get me the effing anesthesiologist! Now! I was crazy before! Just put me out of my misery!!!” te he he he. OK. It’s not nice to laugh at the pain of others. It’s especially not nice since I’m due in 11 weeks… and I have babies over 9 lbs. That’s probably why I have such bad labors… KARMA. : D BTW, reading your book right now — loving it!

  • Kami

    What strikes me when “conversations” get this way is that nobody is actually doing anything but demonstrating how little they can manage to respect other people. Yeah, we all love taking sides, having opinions and acting bratty about it, just like kids- you’re stupid! You’re a bitch! I weep for your poisoned unborn child! Bickering makes me cross-eyed, and now I’d like to stoop to that level and mention that every time I read things like “LOL you rock! rock ON! *snort* omg i can’t believe people say things like this to you there so mean lol i just puked a little in my mouth!” I feel like my eyes are going to roll back into my head. Yes, I am not irritated or upset at all about someone else’s birthing choices, because it’s none of my business. Yeah, I think freebirthing is scary, but again- none of my business. I just really wish people would stop typing those other things.

  • http://www.sneathenfamily.blogspot.com Michelle S

    OK here it is. The Dr. who delivered my first born waved his hand at me while he was still half in! I’m NOT kidding. He actually came out with one arm up, above his head so he said something like “oh look he’s waving at you”, and I believe I remember thinking, so it wasn’t just his head it was his head PLUS an arm and everyone thinks that’s cute?? wtf? It is seriously messed up.

    I can’t look away from the shows about the biggest man alive etc. I just commented to my husband the other night who would love to remove TLC and HGTV from our set, that it is a modern day freak show when they used to travel from city to city and people had to pay to get inside the tent to see this crap. Now it’s just on tv for all to see. We are all messed up.

  • http://horriblelicenseplates.blogspot.com Horriblelicenseplates

    We cannot wait to see Not-Maria! Good luck with everything!

  • http://soirregardless.blogspot.com Agnieszka

    Thank you for reminding me to renew my birth control prescription.

  • Elaine

    Kami:
    Do you believe your comments are raising the bar in some way? They are not.

  • Sharon

    What? You’re not going to liveblog the birth?

    My favorite “Baby Story” line was from a woman who planned on using natural childbirth because, and I’m paraphrasing slightly, she would pray and God would help ease her pain. Now, I can’t presume to speak for God, but if I were him, I believe my reaction would be something along the lines of “Uh, hello? I think I already handled that particular problem. It’s called an EPIDURAL.”

  • Mandie

    My husband and I are currently trying for our first child, but I am rethinking this decision after a few of these comments actually made me so light-headed I had to put my head down on my desk for a few minutes and a concerned coworker asked me if I was all right. HOLY GOD, PEOPLE. Sure, women have been giving birth for millions of years, and just a couple of centuries ago they did it all the time without a medical professional present, and you know what? A WHOLE LOT OF THEM DIED. AND THEIR BABIES DIED TOO. Home birth with a midwife present is one thing – home birth with NOBODY present is lunacy.

  • n

    Heather,
    What do you think about autism being connected to doctors cutting off the cord too soon and therefor the baby’s brain doesnt get the oxygen it needs for the first 20 min?

  • http://thefireflynights.com Firefly

    My favorite birth was my emergency c-section–being totally unaware suits me just fine…

  • http://purpletreephotography.com Kelli Taylor

    You think THOSE tv shows are bad? Well I just heard Kendra from “the girls next door fame” is pregnant, you could practically here the executives at E! jumping up and down. This season wedding, next baby. That poor child doesn’t stand a chance. Of course I’ll watch it…like a car accident! And my husband will be yelling at me from the other room to stop rotting my brain.

  • http://myimaginaryblog.wordpress.com Zina

    AAAAACK!

    I came back and started reading the comments from the beginning and got to #59 about the filleting and I may never recover. AAAAACK! That might be as far as I get through the comments (and yet I fear I might continue on, in spite of my shaking and shivering and squirming.)

    Based on stuff I read on a website I cited earlier, and very much reinforced by some of the (excellent) comments here, I’ve changed my attitude about home births. My attitude used to be the same as yours — let people do what they want as long as they have someone attending and an emergency plan. Now my attitude is that because of the possibility of the relatively rare but very serious complications another commenter listed (I think the commenter was Coelecanthe, but I don’t want to click away from my comment to go check for sure) my new attitude is that I would never recommend home birth for anyone. Yet stories like #59′s (or the milder Baby Story one I told) make it clear why women fear the loss of control that can come at the hospital and the callousness of incompetent or impatient doctors. I’ve heard WAY too many stories of a mom being ready to push and being told to wait until the doctor gets there, which I find appalling, even if it’s a mild inconvenience compared to other horror stories here. Anyway, I’ve realized how very fortunate I’ve been to have what I consider to be the very best possible arrangement: a certified nurse midwife who delivers my baby at a hospital, and who teams with an ob/gyn who can take over in an emergency situation. The midwife typically stays with me for the whole labor (or at least most of it) and gives me as much autonomy as is safe, but everything’s in place in case of complications (and I and my babies have had need of medical interventions, and I’ve been glad to be in the hospital for them.)

    P.S. Comments like #59 make the cable shows seem mild — I think Jon’s going to have to ban you from reading the comments on your own blog.

  • jennypenny

    We canceled Dish before I got pregnant, so I have yet to absorb hours of pregnant folk stories and delivery-centered tv while pregnant, but I know I wouldn’t be able to turn away if we had it. When I was younger, I used to be addicted to Baby Story and it’s ilk. Now that my birthing philosophy has changed, I’m not sure I could handle it. The shows always make the mom out to be a victim in the end, instead of the competent, strong individual she could be, that would really irritate me. I tend to credit shows like these in scaring women from birthing naturally.

  • http://goatygoat.squarespace.com Lana

    Just makes me want to yell “Freebird!”

  • http://thesimonssay.blogspot.com/ Jill

    Ditto #98! Just turn it off!!!

  • http://amyrollo.com/brookland Amy

    *Speechless*

  • http://www.dumbyoungins.com Ashley

    Hahahah! You crack me up!

    No kidding about freebirthing, yikes!

  • Noelle

    Wow, these comments are fairly amazing. I’m not even gonna go near any of it!

    I keep checking to see if you have had le bebe, and then I get drawn in by the comments. Wow.

    GO Familia Armstrong, especially the mama of NotMaria (although, I do agree with someone that Maria is growin’ on me!).

    Captcha: tartly Continued (HAHAHA)

  • http://www.myfunnyfunnyfamily.com Carrie

    I didn’t even know they still had A Baby Story. I’m glad we don’t have cable at this point because I would be tempted to watch that stuff too, and it’s strongly discouraged by the hypnobirthing people who have helped me so much with my first two births. The idea is that the last thing you need while preparing to be calm and not endure any more pain than necessary is to watch women screaming their heads off, having all kinds of complications and getting lots of medical things done to them.
    Then again, the no-technology birth you saw sounds pretty awful too. And now I will search for a video of it online. Thanks for ruining my hypnobirth! ;-)

  • Wen

    AMEN!! That OB playing puppet with the newborn as it was being birthed was one of the most insulting, offensive things I’ve ever seen. They don’t seem to realize they’re making a mockery of the most sacred, holy event in a woman’s life. Western obstetrics continues to degrade women and the birth experience.

  • http://www.bellystory.blogspot.com/ Belly Girl

    I detest “A Baby Story” – where do they find those couples? Most of them are SO STRANGE.

    I heard that the movie “The Business of Being Born” (a la talk show host Ricki Lake) is awesome, but don’t know if I should watch it at 5 months pregnant.

  • Anonymous

    Comment #302…I had two breech babies and no choice but to have planned sections. Didn’t suffer any more post partum than the next person, didn’t get any infections, my children are very intelligent, wonderful human beings that are both thriving in college. Had I not chosen to go to the medical facility to have them…they wouldn’t be any of those things. They would more than likely be dead, along with their mother.

  • http://www.babytanous.blogspot.com Rachael

    LOL I was the same way and for some reason 7 months after having my daughter I’m still addicted to watching that crap. I would and still do routinely wake my boyfriend up with a “you’ve got to be kidding me!!!” and a “WTF?!?!”

    There must be something about IPhones, pink cases and girls. My daughter will lunge across the couch or try to throw herself out of my arms to grab at my phone which also has a bright pink case. I have some awesome photos of her saying cheese when she sees the pink case come out.

  • http://www.skepticalob.com Amy Tuteur

    Unassisted childbirth is the equivalent of putting your baby into a car without a carseat.

    Is an unbuckled baby guaranteed to die on a trip to the grocery store? Of course not. Similarly, most babies will not die during an unassisted birth.

    Is a carseat guaranteed to save the baby’s life in the event of a crash? Of course not. In a truly horrific crash, no carseat, not matter how safe, will be able to save the baby.

    So should you put your baby in a carseat when you drive to the grocery store? Of course you should. In the event of a crash, or even simply stopping short, the carseat will protect your baby from most injuries. And as we all know, no one can tell in advance when they are going to be in a crash.

    The fact is that the risk of a baby dying in childbirth is far greater than the risk of a baby dying in a car crash. No one can tell in advance when a life threatening emergency will occur. If it does, and immediate expert assistance is unavailable, the baby will die. It’s just that simple.

    It’s not a coincidence that the leading American and Australian exponents of “freebirth” have both lost babies during freebirth. Laura Shanley, the American, knowingly and deliberately gave birth to a premature baby at home and watched him die without ever calling for assistance.

    Several months ago Janet Fraser boasted to an Australian paper that not only was she planning an unassisted birth, but she had not had any prenatal care either. A few days later her baby was born … dead.

    Women are free to make whatever choices they want to make, but they need to understand the risks. Unassisted childbirth kills babies, just like not buckling babies into carseats kills babies and for the exact same reason. When you fail to protect babies from danger, they die.

  • Cathy

    Nothing brings out the crazy in pregnant women like childbirth shows and bulletin boards. I thought my husband was going to kill me this time last summer when I discovered Deliver Me. The baby will come soon and you’ll return to (relative) sanity!

  • mirela

    God, Heather! You make me choke while laughing so loud! You have the best and healthiest sense of humor! Love your posts.
    P.S. I recently became addicted to TLC, my husband is so angry, you have no idea. The other day my son asked me: Mom, is this a channel specially designated for little people and parents with multiples?

  • http://www.brainbooger.com/ J.P. Fischer

    You are a terrifically amusing writer. I shall enjoy frequenting this site now that I’ve stumbled upon it. Tally-ho!

  • Kristi

    #355 Kami:
    In response, stupid people really bug me. Normally I would ignore them, but when you have someone that biased spewing hypocritical garbage on a website that’s not her own, and attacking the choices of the expectant dooce, for the safety of her child mind you, it just made me snap. So many things in life require personal choices and difficult decisions. It just bothers mr so much to see someone with no experience with depression give advice on the matter, especially when her own decisions regarding the birth of her children are far more risky. I don’t lecture on medicines and birthing and all sorts of other things that I don’t know about. I do, however, have common sense. And I’ve dealt with crippling depression. I’m not so much pissed at jenny hatch’s personal birthing choice. If she wants to be stupid she has that right. I am irritated that she’s giving her opinion on something she knows nothing about. I also highly disagree with all of her opinions. But whatever. Freedom of speech. Let us all run out virtual mouths! That’s why comments are open on this, right?
    P.S. Puppeteering a half-born baby is terrifying.

  • Anonymous

    I am absolutely LMAO. Thanks, I needed that.

  • Ailis

    So funny! I watched too much of those shows while pregnant (have a 3.5 month old) and my husband HATED them because so many focus on the things that go wrong. I thought he just thought it was gross and was worried about how he’d handle my delivery. This was our first, btw, which is probably an important thing to mention. After the baby was born, he told me he didn’t mind them any more since we’d made it through the birth process and had a happy and healthy baby boy. And he ended up doing great through my labor and birth.

  • http://pilgrimcongress.com/ Jill_Pilgrim

    I was freebirthed and as a result dropped on my head pretty hard from what I hear. Now I make rubber vagina jokes on the internet. Coincidence? The only conclusion to be drawn from my experience is, do not freebirth your child unless you one day want to be embarrassed by their total lack decorum, which lets face it, is a result of being dropped on their head as soon as they exit the womb.

    Cautionary tale over.

  • Robyn

    “I just cannot believe the bedside manner of some of the doctors on that show, and I’m not even kidding, twice in the last week I have watched a doctor wave the arm of the newborn infant at its mother AS IT IS BEING PULLED FROM THE WOMB. No, wait. Let me finish. These doctors treated these seconds-old babies like puppets, waved their little arms wildly in the air, and said, “Hi, Mommy!” in a high-pitched voice as if that is exactly what they would sound like and say upon taking their first breaths. WHILE THE LOWER HALVES OF THEIR BODIES WERE STILL INSIDE THEIR MOTHERS.

    You have got to be shitting me.”

    Still laughing–this 40-something mother of two grown kids completely concurs.

    Oh, and freebirthing? Sorry, that’s just irresponsible, to say nothing of insane.

  • Ruth

    I remember hearing a show on Fresh Air where they explained that gorilla babies come out facing front, so the mother gorilla can reach down and pull the baby from her own vagina into her arms. Human babies face backwards, so the spine is facing the wrong way to pull the baby out towards the front of the woman’s body. This orientation requires someone be present to pull the baby out.

    Freebirthing just sounds fucking retarded. A having a midwife at least, allows some degree of expertise to the birth, and can call a doctor or drive you to the hospital if something goes wrong. Yes, babies used to be born in ancient times with any knowledgable people around to help, but a lot more babies and mothers used to die in childbirth.

  • Ailis

    Also, the show I can’t stop watching now that I’ve had the baby is “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant”. Whaaa? How the heck can you not know? This makes no sense to me whatsoever.

  • http://www.nofishnonuts.blogspot.com missy

    This is why we don’t have cable.

    CAPTCHA: “guzzled Gordon”

    Nope. You?

  • Jennifer

    OMG, this makes me feel so much better! I am 33 weeks and can’t quit watching these shows, no matter how frustrated I get with the people on them,or how they are making me rethink the whole actual giving birth part of this process. Isn’t there some other way to get this baby out of me??? Thank God I don’t feel soooooo alone now.

    I saw that show on free brithing and thought it was a joke until I realized these women were completely serious.
    Thanks for the laughs, it was needed!

  • http://www.hagerdash.com HAGERDASH

    I hate how much I’m beginning to really like you.

  • http://twitter.com/VictoryTrue Chriss

    Oh wow there are some crazy things written in response here. I think I am as addicted to reading the nutty comments as you are to the Discovery Channel, Dooce.

  • http://www.mamashotfuss.com Mandy {Mama’s Hot Fuss}

    Yup.

    When I was pregnant with my son and home on bed rest, I was obsessed with watching all of these shows. My husband would come home to find me crying or hyperventilating. He banned those channels until we came home from the hospital. I tried for hours to figure out the password..that’s how obsessed I was, lol.

    Freebirthing scares the hell out of me! I read an article not too long ago about a woman who was a freebirthing advocate, and she sadly lost her baby while freebirthing at home. There are just too many variables to not have someone there that knows what they’re doing; get a midwife or a doctor that does home deliveries for crying out loud people!

  • http://wackymummy.blogspot.com WackyMummy

    I can’t believe I just found you!!! Where have you been all my life!