• Sarah

    Amazing! That was truly a work of art. Either crazy or genius…I’m not sure!

  • http://www.soeursdujour.com Kath

    I wonder if we’ll ever know who this is ….

  • Tanya

    No head, but can still find the time to go to the public library to read your blog? Fucking amazing! Instead of reading blogs on the internet, maybe she should find the books about more important things like “general principle”, “manners”, and “English 101″

    This person thinks that because they have a self-proclaimed shitty life, that a hardworking woman, such as yourself who made her place in life and was fortunate enough to buy a regular household appliance, doesn’t deserve it? OH and the audacity that you might have to complain because the piece of shit didn’t work? THE NERVE!

    People like this remind me everyday that there are a ton of “ugly” people out there who are oblivious to the world around them!

  • Kelly

    O.M.G. This is hilarious!!!



  • Lisa

    Enter: arch-nemesis.

  • Eileen

    LOL. Quick, someone option the movie rights to this woman’s life!

  • http://www.gleegarden.com Gleegarden

    I forgot to mention…brilliant. Does this person have a blog?

  • http://laura-edwards.blogspot.com Laura

    That was the weirdest, twisted, most amazing piece of modern day literature I have ever read. :)

  • marianne

    Morning coffee…..spit all over the screen. I may just have to………….unfollow.

  • Kristen

    See, you really should be careful what you say! Poor Headless Reader.

  • Anonymous

    Sounds like The Palinode to me. Why do some of you think Dooce wrote this? Last I checked, she does not have a monopoly on humourous writing, and it’s light years away from her style. Matchless, if you ask me.

  • Anonymous

    Only Danny Evans (aka Dad Gone Mad)could have written this smarky little piece. I think there may be an axe to grind with Dooce.

  • Anonymous


    You don’t need to be reminded that you have some very awesome readers, do you?

  • Brook

    “I’m a fucking believer, my bitch.”

    FOLLOW, Indeed.

  • Kerri

    What were they smoking and how can I get some? Too funny, my bitch.

  • Azha

    At least she has internet…right?

  • http://twitter.com/CoCoChanele Chanele

    Best. Thing. Ever. My favorite lines: “Why don’t you go find Ichabod and fuck him with a pumpkin” and “I’m a fucking believer, my bitch”. I’ll be sure to use those on a daily basis from now on. Thanks Anonymous!

  • Kaethe

    I am most eager for Headless Reader to address the vaccine issue. Greatest email, indeed. I just know that Scalzi is jealous as anything.

  • http://www.tamarisktree.wordpress.com Kim

    Wow. Just, brilliant.

    However, I’d be careful, Heather, for when this headless beast starts twittering. And if she ever starts a blog, you’ll have a direct place to send all of your former readers.

    What fun!

  • Ariel

    Fucking brilliant!

  • Anonymous

    Tanya #530 – FAIL

  • Kara

    I have no words. I’m laughing too hard.

    Awesome. Truly fucking brilliantly awesome.

    Oh and UNFOLLOW. Just because.

  • http://www.janetnelson.net Janet

    I am impressed with this person’s command of squirrels!

  • http://marymoores.blogspot.com Mary@Holy Mackerel

    That was perfect with my first-of-the-morning coffee. A bit came out my nostrils as I guffawed. Good stuff.

  • Yvonne

    headless Germanic woman from the block….reminds me of JLo, Jenny From the Block. Seriously, that was the best laugh I have had in a long, long, time.

  • Anne

    :::one person slowly clapping which turns into a stadium standing ovation:::

  • http://angryredhead.wordpress.com Candice

    Holy crap, does this person have a blog?! Amazingly epic.

  • Stacey


  • Sandra

    And this is why god created the internets: as a forum for the love-child of Charles Bukowski.

  • Brooke E.

    Holy shit! That was really something, hehehehehe!

  • ElizabethZ

    The fact that they are headless just ruins it for me. It is too contrived and forced. It is creative, I’ll give it that at least.

  • http://www.armchairdesign.etsy.com armchairdesign

    I am so glad you taught Chuck to write. He has a bright future, indeed.

  • Vicki in NC

    Seriously Dooce, you need some sleep.

  • Katie

    i just shot water 3 feet out of my nose. that person deserves a freaking emmy or whatever they give people who write stuff like that. amazing! and heather, this is the best thing i have to do at work so keep it up!

  • http://www.atincupchalice.com MissCaron

    Holy shit that’s brilliant! Love love love it.

  • http://www.themomclaire.blogspot.com Claire

    After the long convo that I had with my SIL the past week about using your words and not using emoticons when describing your feelings (she is back in school) I have an odd feeling that she wrote it but it is lacking in the “I’m a bitch” department so I am on the fence. I am going to have to call her…. oh and I can call her a bitch, it is an understanding between the two of us, plus she knows it!

  • http://expatriare.blogspot.com/ Katya

    That was amazing! someone who sums up the reaction to this whole maytag saga all to well! my sentiments exactly.

    and my security word is “Harlot dressmakers”. I am sure they would make a nice dress for you, you headless pioneer.

  • http://dozenflours.com Julia

    Encore! Encore!

    I want more!! More Headless Reader!!!

  • http://www.myspace.com/tammyspires Tammy S


  • Lisa

    Someone is giving you a run for your money. I wish they had a blog.

  • S’A

    “I’m a fucking believer, my bitch” should be a t-shirt!

  • Helen

    Quality! :)

  • jennifer


  • http://www.bbmowery.blogspot.com Barb

    Oh, Headless Reader, for you I’d UNFOLLOW anything!

  • http://troubleinstereo.wordpress.com Julie Momster

    I read this first thing upon getting to my desk this morning.

    Needless to say, this may be the absolute best start to a work day that I have ever had. EVER.

    Thank you, anonymous Hessian Headless Lady. Thank you.

  • Jenny

    Thank you Headless Reader for writing this, and thank you Heather for posting it. Beautiful.

  • http://www.bytheseatofourpants.com Jasie VanGesen

    Give that chick a weekly feature, yo.

  • Anonymous

    This has got to be written by Antonia! (Whoopee, Yet Another Bloomin’ Blog – Antonia!) If it’s not, then Antonia, wake up, you’ve got competition!

  • http://www.dwelldeep.com/blog.html samantha

    that was amazing. thanks for sharing.

  • liz

    oooooh, this is entirely epic. It is heartwrenching and makes me want to start a non-profit organization that helps provide washing machines to homeless people that lack heads.