• CrankyAgedMama

    I gotta say, Heather – that video totally freaked me out. I think it’s scarred my retina and probably my psyche.

    Given koo-koo Coco, wasn’t going to knock on your door anytime soon. (Not that I live anywhere near Utah.) But now, I will probably cross the street to avoid walking past you.

    OTOH, if I ever need to put the fear into any of my work colleagues or my kids, I know just how to do it – Jazz Hands!

  • Kerri

    I have to go with spirit fingers too, Heather. LOL Still very funny, though. Maybe you can make another one with jazz hands.

  • http://the-wynk.net melissa

    I just came in to post exactly what was in comment no. 6. Go watch it without sound, holy crap. SHINGLES @_@

  • Tara


  • Meagan G

    Scary yet satisfying… nice work..

  • http://notbychoice.tumblr.com/ Kristina

    I think you are a funny, beautiful human being but that video was the creepiest thing I’ve seen since Quarantine.

  • Kelsey

    I’m really glad I didn’t watch that video last night. So as to avoid the nightmares, and all ;)

    Oh and my captcha says afraid!

  • http://triciaorchard.blogspot.com Tricia

    That video was just a little freaky. Funny too, but mostly freaky. I hope my 5 year old doesn’t happen across it! ;)


  • http://www.ifeelyaophelia.com Jenna Jean

    Ok, I love ya, but that was fucking terrifying.

  • Vero

    That is so creepy! And you are so loony! I will remember this technique the next time I need to hit the stress release valve.

  • Kay

    Oh dear…don’t go hug a bunny. The hate that. I promise. (And the manifest their hate by jumping up on the bed at two thirty in the morning and thumping you smack in the middle of your spine. It is most unpleasant.)

  • http://www.krisuponastar.blogspot.com Kris

    Would Leta still love you if you were the villaness in the next Disney princess movie? Because you’d be really good, you should look into it.

  • Danielle Hanson

    Hi. I know you probably have more advice than you could possibly follow even if it was all sane and you wanted to, but here’s some more:

    we have a 7-year-old dog who was a complete mess for several years. she would get so excited when we got home she would bite our hands (she broke the skin on my father-in-law–that went over well). And one time she tore her nail off her toe rushing to meet us at the door and still was crazy-happy to see us.

    It finally ended because 1) she grew older and 2) we started keeping a water gun outside the door and near the door and would squirt her whenever she got too excited. After a couple weeks, we just had to point our fingers at her and make a squirting noise and she’d calm down.

    Good luck with her. By the time she’s 10, she’ll probably be the perfect dog.

  • http://www.websavymom.com WebSavyMom

    –>That made me laugh and then it got a little scary. HAHA…

    Sorry about the SHINGLES!

  • Hallie

    Your shingles “hand dance” is a near-perfect interpretation of that painful annoyance. Wish I could recommend a good home remedy to ease the pain, but I think your humorous video is very therapeutic. If I ever know someone with shingles, I will recommend that they watch it.

    As for Coco — you knew the breed would be challenging, and I give you extra points for not giving up on her, and stories about the “dog from hell” do make good copy.

    Cheers. This too will pass. (One day you will miss this insanity.)

  • http://www.cycleclaims.co.uk/bike-accidents-frequently-asked-questions tony claims

    That Must be one of the Scariest videos i have seen on the web i wish id taken your advice and hugged a bunny :(

  • Anonymous

    Hmm…Yesterday’s post was entitled “It’s the Hands that Kill Me” and then THIS today?

    Um…yeah…I’ll be waiting in the car, K?

    Seriously laughed out loud at your batshit crazy eyes. Hope you’re feeling etter soon.

  • http://www.missleonie.com Leonie

    Holy crap – equal parts hilarious and terrifying. SHINGLES!

    Hope everything non-dooce.com-able and the SHINGLES! are sorted out soon. Best wishes!

    And if it helps, I engaged some of the trolls today (Such a silly girl, do NOT feed the trolls!) and the best they could do was “correct” my British spelling of the word “realise”. I laughed cause it was funny.

    What I mean to say is – if that’s the kind of level they’re playing at, I say Monetize the Hate and fucking bathe in the cash while snorting coke off BOTH your children’s bellies. Because you can.

    All the best to you and your family!

  • Rhonda

    I’ve been reading you for years in silence. This just cracks me up! When I had a bad day at work I used to google the Elaine dance from seinfeld. I think I will google you instead. I had SHINGLES! when I was 26. Not fun. You hang in there, little buckaroo. It will be better soon…..

  • Erin

    So did your neighbors actually submit Coco or was that a joke? What was worse than SHINGLES! and a newborn? I missed something, obviously.

  • http://www.seriousrepliesonly.blogspot.com Serious Replies Only

    Uh, dude — that was creepy. Like Damien Omen creepy.

  • http://emptycookies.blogspot.com Megan

    Your video reminds me of the Wicked Witch of the West for some reason (I mean that in a nice way, I swear, and anyway that woman had some kickass socks)…I think it’s because I watched it with the sound off.

    Made me laugh really hard, keep up the good work.

  • http://girlsandbicycles.blogspot.com Anonymous

    Brilliant! Very Willem Dafoe in Nosferatu.


  • boonerob


    That video is craaaaaaaaaaazae!

    I can’t let Maci watch that because it may scare her shitless and we know that she does not need to be clogged up!

  • http://stupidgrin.blogspot.com Renée

    Reason #578493093.6 why I fantasize about you when my husband is doing me.

  • Brandi

    “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

  • http://www.karenchatters.com Karen

    Damn, you need to put that warning about letting your kids watch at the TOP of the posting woman! Here I am, having a lovely afternoon with my beautiful baby girl and I hit play on the video before I finish reading and HOLY CRAP!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BABAY!?!?! Her head is spinning around and there’s smoke coming from her 10-month old ears. She may never be the same.

    I hope you’re feeling better. I still want to sing SHINGLES!! every time you write it.

  • Tyler

    So I have a mini Aussie as well and I love your dog stories. Mine is a blue merle with blue eyes – beautiful dog, and he does the same shit when the doorbell rings. Two weeks ago he jumped up on my son’s friend and hit the poor boy’s chin with his head while jumping to say I’m soooooooo fricking happy you are here. The collision of head and chin caused the poor kid to bite his tongue which caused blood to fly everywhere and tears followed for 10 minutes – who knew the kid has a phobia with blood.

  • Karen

    This is not going to dissuade people from the belief that the rapture is nigh. VERY Nigh. Hee!

  • http://www.tooprettyforthis.com Christina

    Hahaha… that was probably the best thing I’ve seen all day.

  • Ev

    Okay, THIS is why you two are the best thing on the internets, all of those haters be damned. You make me think, laugh, cry, and you don’t even charge me. No wonder all of those idiots are jealous.

  • http://moville.blogspot.com Mo

    It is hard to believe that Broadway playwrite and star Heather Armstrong was once known primarily for her blog. Heather rocketed to true stardom when her first production, SHINGLES!, the Musical, was optioned for a Disney channel feature-length film…

  • LeFiffre

    Aren’t jazz hands American Sign Language for “I’m an ’80s-vintage BYU Alumnus”?

  • Kdiggity

    Heather, I read your blog as often as you post things and this made me laugh hysterically b/c it is precisely what I do when I read SHINGLES! ….except I’m not in front of a door…or..whatever that is.

  • http://www.amberandnic.blogspot.com/ Amber

    I like the music to this video. I also noticed your background was the garage door. If you did this on the outside of the door, I need to become your neighbor. Hilarious!

  • Anonymous

    You are clearly having a bad day. Or week. Or month. But I noticed today because I had trouble following the path of the storyline of your post today, which I never do, no matter how roundabout. I’m so sorry about about whatever it is that is messing with you. Take care.

  • RobinM

    That is fucked up in the absolutely best way.

  • stefanie

    I just showed your video to my mother who has had shingles 17 hundred million times (official count by Guinness) and she says that you managed to accurately convey the horror. Good job!

    Also, what are your feelings on posting the email addresses of the haters? I think it would be tons of fun. Sort of a way to make the whole Dooce experience more interactive.

  • kj

    This scared my 3.5 year old son. Funny, though.
    I hope you’re feeling better soon.

  • Nala

    You weren’t kidding about hugging a bunny! I think that video would be a really good Shingles! prevention spot. Just run a strip of avoidance tips at the bottom and I will be on the look-out for the rest of my life. Good music choice, too.

  • Kristina

    Creepy video. Sorry its not you ..its the lighting. C R E E P Y

  • Christina

    Now accepting the Awesome award – #26

  • http://lastonehome.blogspot.com Allie

    That video was made of pure spun awesome.

  • Sara

    love it. way to rock the shingles, dooce!

  • ltg

    I love your SHINGLES! At one point (the last slow motion) i was going to pee my pants!
    You are awesome.

  • http://memyselfandmommy.com/ Renee

    My mom had shingles … twice… I think that’s all…

    Anyhow so the second time it happened I gave her a get well balloon and said “Happy Herpes!”

    She laughed…

  • http://blog.modernemotive.com modernemotive

    Awesome!!! Not the shingles part but the video. Thanks for the laugh. :)


  • Lauri

    I cannot lie, the video got me in the Halloween spirit. It was that crazy scary.

    As for whatever stress ball just landed in your lap today – I hope you find the resolution you need. Makes me a little crazy that I spent too much time wondering what could be wrong? :)

    Good luck!

  • meridithk

    That is the best music video I’ve ever seen. Word.

  • JMB

    You do the crazy eyes thing WAY too well. o_0

    I hope all the private life stuff gets better soon!