• MamaLana

    Could Bobo possibly be Marlo’s version of Baby? Mmmm?

  • JeannieNJ

    Okay, I have a good Gwyneth Paltrow story, pretty old, kind of long. I used to live on the Upper West Side, before I had a million kids and moved to the suburbs. There was this teeny-tiny hole-in-the-wall, not fancy-looking Italian restaurant right near my apartment that had recently-ish opened, and was a real gem. It was great Italian food from a real chef at reasonable prices. Someone who’d left a famous restaurant to start this one. Very hard to get in. No reservations.

    One cold, rainy weeknight, my husband and I and a few friends decided to give it a try since it was such a lousy night out. Still a line, but short. Friend looks in the window (we were waiting on the sidewalk) and says “the woman at that table looks a lot like Gwyneth Paltrow.” I look in the window, and say “well, since the guy at the other end of the table looks like Ben Affleck (I told you this story was old) it probably is Gwyneth Paltrow.” We are shortly seated inside this teeny-tiny restaurant, maybe ten tables, right next to Gwyneth. Gwyneth and her party are taking up almost half the restaurant. They have a bunch of tables pushed together, maybe 10-12 people. The only other person I recognize is Ben Affleck. It is clearly a family dinner (not Gywneth’s parents, I would have recognized them). It is right around the holidays.

    We try to act all cool and all, because we are New Yorkers, of course. But Gwyneth looks over at our table and smiles at us, and when she smiled, she lit up the room. It was incredible. But we went about our business. Anyway, they are ordering up a storm, appetizers, bottle after bottle of wine, huge entrees, desserts, the works. As the meal is winding up, Ben Affleck calls the waiter over and asks for the bill. Waiter brings the check, and Ben grabs it and says “I’ve got this” in a kind of pretentious, “aren’t I so great” way (he was still kind of a douche then, pre-Jennifer Garner, although not as much of a douche as he was with Jennifer Lopez). Hands the waiter a credit card without even looking at the check, which must have been huge. Waiter leans down and whispers in his ear “I’m sorry sir, we don’t take credit cards, cash only.” It says so on the menu, of course. We had our cash in our pockets. Ben gets this panicked, embarrassed look. Of course he doesn’t have enough cash to pay. So everyone at the table starts going through their wallets and purses, saying “I’ve got $30,” “here’s another $10.” Everyone except Gwyneth. I guess she didn’t carry money. She just sat back looking beautiful and golden and sunny and not the least bit concerned. Finally, Ben and someone else have to leave to go to an ATM. They finally get enough money to pay the bill, and they leave. The second they were gone, the whole restaurant, staff included, burst into shared conversations about this coolest of celebrity encounters. We’d all acted so cool while they were there, because we had to be cool just to be AT that restaurant, but we couldn’t wait to talk about what we’d just seen.

    Ben and Gwyneth broke up not long after. Maybe because he wasn’t cool enough to bring cash.

  • Missybeme

    (I had surgery to remove my gallbladder a week ago, it was a little rougher than normal, so it still hurts to laugh.)

    I should have totally known better than to read your blog. I was in tears from laughing so hard after reading the post. Between the Bobo and the joke at the end. Thanks for the laugh!

  • davedorr9

    I laughed until I cried. I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THAT. But I only laughed at the parts you intended to be funny. Mornin’, bobo!

  • bittybobo

    Oh, that is my daughter Molly’s nickname and she is not a hillbilly or anything. We still call her Bobo and she is seven years old now. I think it is a great name to go by!

  • Camels and Chocolate

    This is one of your best chance encounters yet! I, too, also adore Gwyneth, and Chris has long been at the top of my list since I saw him in concert in Germany six years ago.

    But since I’ve yet to meet her, he can stay put. HA! I win.

  • yomisswoodaddy

    Congratulations to you! What a wonderful experience, and BTW, he’s on my list too. And my four-year-old is currently dancing to Viva La Vida.

  • WebSavyMom

    –>She has always been one of my favorite celebrities because she’s smart, beautiful and still seems real. Congrats on the magazine feature too.

    I’m sure BoBo/MarCo and Leta were happy for you to return home.

  • wordsbecomeone

    I am shocked that you did not mention that GP actually has slept with BOTH of your top two. Shouldn’t Brad Pitt be disqualified from your list since he’s her ex? We should check the rule book. You don’t want her sloppy seconds.

    PS – my jealousy is off the charts ridiculous. I actually subscribe to the GOOP newsletter. I love her!!!

  • Utahcouple

    Wow – dooce and goop are at the top of my bookmarks. So jealous that you got to meet Gwyneth! I love seeing these amazing nuggets of Heather’s life every week. Oh, and all of the lesbians I know have a sense of humor so I’m sure you will get minimal hate mail on your joke, er, David’s joke.

  • scatterbox

    The part where she asked YOU for a hug? Teared up. Would have even without the PMS. a) Meeting someone you admire so much, and 2) having them be excited to meet you in return? Friggamazing. I would have just babbled mixed-up words, as is my M.O.

    I was also slightly scarred when I first heard Beckham speak, so I think that puts his cap at the number 2 spot.

  • craftyashley

    I love GP! She exudes awesomeness. And while I have absolutely zero self control to even begin to follow her nutrition ideas, I still think she’s amazing.

    As for redneck nicknames. I have you trumped. A family member that is more closely related to me than I’d care to admit called her baby boy “Bubba” Hell, she still does! The poor kid is, like, eight! Ugh. Hello, white trash family.

  • dfunkmcgunk

    I love that Marlo calls herself Bobo, but what I love even more than that is that she calls Leta, “DEEDA”. I got a real chuckle out of that because that’s what my sister, Caitlyn, would call me because she couldn’t pronounce, “DANA”. To this day, people in my family still call me Deeda. My dad actually calls me Deeda Marida, because instead of wanting to be called Bobo I picked the name Marida. No one knows where I got it from.

    I can’t wait to find out what my soon-to-be-born baby boy calls himself one day!

  • one-in-three

    I would have died. You hugged GP!?!?! Yep, would have died.

  • Brookin82

    I bet it was easy to smize for the photoshoot after that! Amazing!

    I thought I was lucky being in the same Whole Foods as Juliet Lewis last night…but I think running into GP is way cooler.

  • Wombat Central

    I hope you had your iPhone in your bathrobe pocket to capture that moment!

  • Truthful Mommy

    Awesome. See, I know how you felt. It’s the exact same way I will feel if I run into You at BlogHer 11, next year.Of course, my composure would be slightly less than yours was. Gwyneth sounds like the awesomeness I knew she would be.Hooray for you!Chris is pretty hot but have you seen Alexandar Skarsgard? OMG, I would totally hit the floor and DIE if I ran into him…bathrobe or not.Can’t wait to see your issue!Happy Mothering!
    Debi

  • tracy

    Well who would have thought I’d have something in common with Gwyneth: we’ve both asked if we could hug you.

    But since I don’t really follow celeb stories, I have to know. What’s everyone’s obsession with how Gwyneth smells? What am I missing, people? Is it really THAT good? Do I need to add “smell gwyneth Paltrow” to my life list?

  • Gulliver1

    Lickalotapuss. I cannot stop laughing!

  • lori.ann.mcvay

    LOL! Oh, Dooce! How would I ever get through my dissertation without you and your bizarrely fantastic encounters?

  • Leball

    Ha ha ha! That is awesome. So jealous and so happy for you! I love GP and read Goop all the time. I can’t wait to see you in that magazine!

  • sweetpotatopie

    I’m another Gwyneth lover. Wow that didn’t sound right. But honestly, I think people are intimidated by her because she is well educated and articulate and has style and grace. Which is increasingly rare in Hollywood, sadly.

    Love that you two met and that you got so giddy about it. The funny thing is that that is exactly how all of us would feel if we had a chance encounter with YOU.

    Bobo = cutest thing EVER.

  • Just Jill

    I literally LOL’d at your ANTM line. I admit that damn show is one of my few guilty pleasures. Someday I hope to be in a photo shoot so I get the chance to show off my fierce mad modeling skills learned from Tyra!

    Congratulations on an awesome week – you deserve it!

  • ibis

    I am SICK with jealousy right now.

  • kwhitlock

    What do you call a gay dinosaur?

    Megasoreass

  • mommyoffour

    I love you, Heather. You are awesome.

  • Brookelyn Bridge

    Bobo is the sweetest nickname in the world! That’s the same nickname as my son’s.
    (I love tangents)

  • RyantheGirl

    I have been having a really shitty day and this post almost made me spit coffee on my computer screen from laughing so hard. Awesome. Um, so, can I be the new Tyrant? Pretttty pretty puh-lease with a cherry on top?

  • Stass

    Awesome! I am with you on that Zac Effron, how can so many teens be into that Bieber twerp when Zac is right there? One day they’ll see.
    Can’t wait for your issue!

  • kristanhoffman

    This story? Makes you the valedictorian of my day. Thank you!

  • Anu

    hahaha very funny. Am so glad you got to meet GP and it’s even more wonderful that you were featured on her blog. Good for you!

  • kcbelles

    HA! Lickalotapuss! I love it – can’t wait to get home to tell my partner; she’s gonna love it, too!

  • Tara Newhole

    WORD! I love Gwyneth. She is HAWT.

    Oh, and here’s another classic les-bun joke for you. My personal fave:

    What do you call 10,000 lesbians with machine guns?
    Militia Etheridge.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

  • raddit

    Dude, my favorite aunt (who yes, just happens to live in Alabama, where I’m from) is named Bobo. Well, okay, technically it’s her nickname, but to everyone in our family, she IS Bobo. I love Bobo. But she has no chipped teeth.

  • The Prima Momma

    Mmm hmmm – we have very similar lists! http://theprimamomma.com/?p=2637

    What a fun story! As awesome as meeting GP would be, my favorite part is still the fact that sweet Marlo calls herself Bobo. Too cute.

  • Amber

    there is only one word (and three punctuation marks) for this post and the events covered therein:

    FABULOUS!!!

  • Brea

    I have a male cousin who everyone still calls Momo. The guy is in his late 30′s.

    This was the same cousin who was give Kool-Aid in a baby bottle. After the mention of cinder blocks in the bedroom, maybe Heather and I are actually related.

  • The Fabulous Mrs. Chevy

    I am absolutely impressed that you were able to form a coherent statement. Last year I met David Sedaris, my all-time literary hero. I stood in line for over two hours after his reading to get my fave book signed and spent this entire time trying to think of something intelligent and witty to say. What did I end up with? He drew a bunny in my front cover (it was close to Easter) and he asked if bunnies had whiskers. I replied, “Yes, bunnies have whiskers.” He finished the picture, signed his name, and we walked away. THAT WAS IT. I kicked myself for about 4 blocks while my husband made fun of me (he still does).

    I am going to another reading in October and am starting to prepare myself now.

  • sgigs

    Love it!!! Thank you for bringing back some of your old stylings- classic dooce. It’s been missed.

  • K.a.t.h.e.r.i.n.e.

    Oh, Bobo! This is totally what you get for calling her Lil Donette and posing for cig/donut pictures during your pregnancy.

    Looking forward to her room redecorating pics on Design Happens!

  • christine1127

    I couldn’t wait to come over here and celebrate the overturning of Prop 8 in California!!! I met you guys and talked with you about this when you were in LA for a meet and greet during the elections. I’m SO happy today. Now the lesbian dinosaur can get married here in CA!

    Cool that you met Gwyneth. I got butterflies when I read your tweet. Is your heart still pounding?

  • mommymae

    you are 2 degrees from coldplay now! holy awesome! which means i’m 3 degrees from coldplay since i follow you on twitter. double awesome!

    tangent – i tried to comment on the post about bobo’s chipped tooth, but it was wack-a-doo, so i’ll briefly say that my daughter broke off her entire front adult tooth in february & we have been to hell and back with it since. she is in the final stages of getting it fixed after seeing one bajillion specialist and having 3 separate root canals. i hope you guys have a much easier time with bobo.

    also? my kids are watching “hook” right now. i thought that was keen, peter.

  • soph

    You’re funny.

  • Sarah McDougall

    JEAL-OUS! (America’s Next Top Model Cycle 12)

  • Naperville Now

    Heather: you crack me up. Thanks for stalking Gwyneth for us. And hugging her.

  • WindyLou

    Swoon

  • LifesBeenGood

    As one of your Resident Dykes, I have to say I surely would have thought that as worldly and well traveled as you are that you would have heard that joke eons ago… lol!

    Love you!

    And about BoBo’s tooth… As my mother says, “She’ll be better before’s she’s married.”

    Keep up the great work!

  • d3 voiceworks

    yeah, what she said, above. SO OLD! happy you now know that joke!

    just wondering how the hell you find the time to know what gwyneth is posting, watch top models, do all the stuff you do … with the 2 young ‘uns? i left the house at 730 tonight to get some work done.

  • dragonfish

    totally, totally unrelated but I was kind of thinking this might need to hang in your house somewhere. not quite a hippo or chicken, but….

    http://www.theanimalprintshop.com/baby-porcupine/

    it might have to hang in my house as well, actually.

  • mrswilson

    THAT IS SO AWESOME! CONGRATS!!!!

    I’m a fan of Gwyneth as well, and think it’s awesome when anyone with any sort of platform sheds light on postpartum depression. Woo!