Not a boring resolutions post, is it?

I’m not normally a resolution maker, but I think as I age I can see the wisdom in such an exercise. Know what else I’ve learned with age? Life is too short to a) wait until you’re alone to pull your underwear out of your butt, b) obey the sign that says, NO RIGHT TURN ON RED and c) listen to anyone who suggests that watching two hours of botfly infestation videos on YouTube is a waste of time.

Also, if someone sends me a link to a really good video of earwax removal, I’m like THERE GOES THE REST OF MY DAY.

So I’ve been thinking about what I want for me and my family in the upcoming year, and here’s what I’ve come up with. Note: I’m trying to be realistic, so I avoided anything involving Zac Efron, but hey! Did you guys hear? He and Vanessa broke up! That’s just awful and tragic, but such good news for those of you who aren’t married and have the balls to stalk him!

First, I want to cook more. Oh god, Jon’s mom is going to read that and start calling every day to make sure I haven’t burned down the house. Not going to happen! You know why? Because Tyrant heard I was going to help my mom cook the turkey for Thanksgiving and he immediately bought a fire extinguisher.

Next, I’d like to read more books. I could tell you the specific number of books I have in mind for the year, but then you would know how little I’m reading now, and that may be the one thing in my life I’m too embarrassed to share. It’s just… all those episodes of “America’s Next Top Model” aren’t going to watch themselves, and next thing you know the free time that I would have used to read a book is gone!

And finally (yes, there are only three things on this list, otherwise I’d be too overwhelmed, and next thing you know it’s a Tyra smorgasbord all over again), and this one is going to sound weird, but I want to mix up my wardrobe a little bit. Take more risks. Not like bikini-top-basketball-shorts-Jesus-sandals kind of risk, I’d just like to wear a wider variety of what I already own and not just the same comfortable t-shirt over and over again. Or have my friend Cami text me at eight o’clock at night asking, “Are you still in your workout clothes from this morning?” and have the answer be, “Yes, how did you know?”

Spill it. What are you aiming for this year? (if the answer is “moose” or “elk” I don’t want to know)

  • AnitaBlanchard

    My new year’s resolution is basic and needed: I’m going to value myself this year.

    As a working mother of three, that means, quite bluntly: that I will shower at least 4 times a week.

    It’s a big step up for me and my self-value.

  • dianemaggipintovoiceover

    start smoking and gain some weight.

    what? am i alone here?

  • seven2seven8

    I have three resolutions.
    (1) Give up refined sugar for the month of January.
    (2) Finish reading 5 books* I’ve already started.
    (3) Make all the meals in my new “Family Meal Planner Light” book** (4 meals x 52 weeks all under 500 calories per serving) (2 down, 106 to go).

    *Uffda, I never get to read either. If I FINISH a book per year, it’s a feat (I start many…see resolution #2).
    ** (Could help w/your resolution!)

  • sugarleg

    I take the whole month of January to refine the plan for the year. that’s what I love about January, it’s a whole month of clean slates!

    in the hopper:

    like you dooce, fashion getting kicked back up a notch. I miss it, it makes me feel great and I need the pretty back.

    travel. Italy would be nice. never been.

    2 more public readings of writings!

    win lottery.

    world domination.

  • Prin

    I want to get my financial life in order by paying my bills in the week that I get them. I also am going to balance my checkbook weekly instead of letting it go months without any entries being made.

  • janenyy26

    It’s lame and cliche but I am currently on a two-week “tune up” to lose the 5 pounds I literally stress out about every day. I’m a small person, so any weight changes are very obvious, and recently I’ve realized that I can’t afford to buy new larger clothes, so I’m dropping pounds!
    I have also resolved to be better about keeping up with my friends and family, a caveat to that being that I want to send more cards and letters in the mail. I mean, who doesn’t like getting one of those fake keys that “may unlock your dream house!!”, but sometimes a note that says “Hi, I saw some kid throw up today and it reminded me of that one time…” can make all the difference in a person’s week.

    Also, I would LOVE to somehow run into Jon Stewart, but I think that’s more of a 2012 goal…

  • amf

    I ended 2010 on a good note- I was very fortunate to be able to make some semi-drastic positive changes in my life. My main goal is just to keep up with that. I hope to continue being curious and open minded. I want to grow creatively and become better at photography and belly dancing. I want to read more books that challenge my view on life and the world.

    After reading about the food industry over this past year, I’m going to try to depend more on foods that I cook myself made mostly from vegetables, fruits, and grains and rely less on processed foods. I want to run another 5K this year and beat my time from this year. Hopefully, I can get back into practicing yoga and continue playing soccer.

  • OhBlahDah

    I resolve in 2011 t0:

    1. Move more, eat less (continue with Weight Watchers to lifetime goal, argh)
    2. Read more books since I now have an awesome Nook (no hating, Kindle users)
    3. Unsubscribe from all the crap e-mail ads and newsletters I get (one by one, hit that unsubcribe button since I do not need to know what GAP and Land’s End are selling on clearance this week!)

    Thanks for the impetus to create this list of 3.

  • jodi.belshe

    Two things– I’m hitting my weight loss goal by June 30, 2011 and I’m running an 8k race on May 30, 2011. After that, well, I’ve got six months of slothfulness to catch up on!

  • knittyknatty

    I’m aiming to be less of a doormat–and to stop colluding with people who treat me like one!

  • tracy

    I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions, I prefer New Year’s Goals :)

    My goals for this year are to be more present & to nuture my personal relationships, including with myself. (No, not like THAT).

    I need to take care of myself because a) nobody else will, b) I need to teach my daughter by example & the life I am currently living isn’t what I want for her, c) I’m 35 and it’s high time I got to know myself, d) nurturing ME is the key to my happiness, and e) everything else will fall into place, including being emotionally available for other people.

    Happy New Year, Armstrongs!

  • Deserex

    I refuse to make resolutions because I fail at enough things, but I do HIGHLY recommend the book series Black Dagger Brotherhood by J.R. Ward! I’ve read the series twice, and it’s a wonderful “bedtime” story! Just read a few reviews and you’ll know what I mean!!!

  • madamvonsassypants

    This is actually the first year I’m making resolutions. I always despised people who waited until a new calendar year to set goals (and promptly abandon them), but it felt good to write down a few key things I plan to accomplish.

    - Finish my online graphic design portfolio and then advertise for more freelance gigs

    - Move and rent out my adorable little house in the country, and finally move into the city with my boyfriend

    - Be there for the birth of my nephew in February/March

    - Paint a mural in said nephew’s bedroom

    - Continue working out 3-5x/week and mixing it up so I don’t get bored

    - Throw 2-3 parties, at least. This includes the previously mentioned boyfriend’s 30th birthday, a house closing and/or house warming party, and at least one or two dinner parties.

    - Sell/donate/throw away a lot of crap that I own and SIMPLIFY

    - Make my 100 Life List!

    - Send more postcards

  • Mialulu

    I have all kinds of New Year Resolutions. Basically to get my shit together. The list that goes with this consist of losing my Holiday pounds, get my finances in order, paying off my credit cards and medical expenses, and getting myself into counseling so that maybe I can figure out why I have such a hard time with relationships, commitments and finding a good available guy that adores me! I am a hot mess. I am hoping in 2011, I can leave off the mess and just be hot!

  • becaru

    I give myself until the end of January to declare on the resolutions, but I’m really close to finishing a master’s degree, and so that will be on the 2011 list, (just as it was on the 2010 list).
    But I must comment on the book-reading resolution, as one of my co-workers asked me the other day, (while I was reading “The Angle of Repose” at work during a slow moment), “What kind of book do you think I would like?”. I had to get a clarification on that one, and he went on to admit that he hadn’t read a book since high school, (he’s almost 30, and truly one of the nicest guys going). Moral of story? Don’t feel bad about how much you read, and vowing to read more is always a good thing!

  • eireguitar

    No matter how any of these turn out, I’m going to record a CD, learn sign language, and dye my hair blue.

  • Be Like The Squirrel Girl

    I really need to have a date night with my husband once a month. That shouldn’t be too hard, right?


    Take more pictures! Which leads to always being picture ready :-)

  • PreemieMommy
  • bionicbriana

    To procreate. Your war stories of fearless and kamikaze toddlers hasn’t dissuaded me!!

  • antifuse

    Mine are pretty simple – read more, like you (I got a Kindle for Xmas, though it won’t be showing up till sometime at the end of this month), and get my fitness and nutrition back on track. Oh, and number one? Take more pictures!

  • Absent Minded Housewife

    I’m going to still pull my underwear out of my crack wherever I am, I’m just resolved to stop sniffing my fingers afterwards.

  • napangel

    I’m going to try to calm down and not get so worked up about shit. Oh! And I’m going to try to get more organized this year. My life is a bit out of control. My poor kids.

  • hrhnicole

    (1) find a family physician/internal med physician I LOVE. I decided that mediocrity isn’t ok when it comes my personal health. (2) learn how to take advantage of my smartphone. had it for months with NO EXTRA APPS!

  • Never a Plain Jane

    One thing at a time. Multi-tasking is a myth! And that’s my whole list. I was going to make it longer but that seemed like a violation of my resolution and how sad would it be to break their resolution within the same list of which it is the top item?

  • One Hungry Mutha

    I’d like to be consistently NICER to my husband! It’s so easy to be a bitch, and believe me, that’s NOT the first word that came to mind…
    Also, read more, but then I got into Celebrity Rehab, so once that’s over…

  • amofrisk

    I know I’m a bit late on this, so I guess the first thing on my list would be to catch up on I kid . . . sort of. In 2011, I need to get back into my workout routine and update my wardrobe. But even more than those things, I need to closely monitor how many engagements and commitments I sign myself and my husband up for, because we spent far too much of 2010 with other people and not enough with each other.

  • love guru

    Hope you manage to accomplish all this tasks,
    But about stalk Zack i could propose a little article named “how to date a Celebrity” from my blog.

    Lg from Love Tips

  • travellinglightly

    So, this is embarrassing, but I got so excited when I read this post that I signed up for the community (which is confusing for the computer-inept) and then searched for it again just so I could say this:

    Hello, my name is Sarah and I was on America’s Next Top Model Cycle 9. I really love this blog and am super excited that you might have seen me on TV.

  • Rollo Tomasi

    My resolution is simple – spend more time with the people I love!

  • CJDaily

    I need to work out more. Boring and cliche, I know, but I have a wedding dress to buy, and I’d rather not spend the rest of my life gazing at my wedding photos and saying, “Look honey, my arms are the size of your thighs.” I’ve been suggesting honeymoons in cold places simply so I don’t have to get beach-ready. If that’s not a clue that I need to shape up, nothing is.

  • anya

    I’ve been down with the flu for the past 4 days, caught it off my 2 year old who’s had it since Boxing Day (that’s Dec.26 for all you non-Canadians); and even though we’re Jewish and don’t technically celebrate Christmas, it still sucked to be surrounded by sick and then join their ranks myself for the last week and a bit. So, having said all that, my New Year’s resolution is to stop bitching about all the minor issues I may perceive as being major and count my blessings. I know, blah, right?
    The thing is, I’m 32 weeks pregnant with my SECOND BOY and am hoping for NO post-partum depression this time around. And for patience. And to realize that things usually get easier with time.
    So yeah, focusing on the good. Namely, is everybody healthy? If so, I’m OK.

    Happy New Year everybody!

  • Squeaker

    To let more things go.. Basically, stop getting so worked up.

    This will be the great challenge of 2011.

  • EllieS

    I resolve to eat less cheese than I did last year.

  • i.delia

    Mine is two-fold.
    1)Accept the fact that, after 15 years of having him,my dog died last March and he won’t be coming back to lick the floors clean. Therefore, I must
    2)Sweep and mop more

  • luv and kiwi

    I’m going to attempt to not be lame this year…

  • juliejackson

    My resolution is to be in the first 10 commenters on one of your posts. Oh, look – done! Now I can go back to bed. Mmmm. Sleepy.

  • simpliSAHM

    I guess those Mormons have an advantage; no pulling underwear out of the butt.

  • Volcanogrrl

    I’m going to lose weight. I’m sick of being the overweight chick always pulling her underwear out of her butt.

  • julesmb

    I haven’t made any resolutions…not wise enough to see the point yet. I did google bot fly infestations and was completely compelled and grossed out at the same time.

  • BellyGirl

    I don’t want to sound all “me, me, me”, but I’d really like to find a little bit of love this year. This past year sucked big, hairy goat balls.

  • Moomser

    I resolve to get on a schedule so I can poop more regularly. (What, the rest of us can’t randomly talk about poop??)
    Also this stuff:

  • DaniPants

    Hey, one of mine is to read more books too! I’m feeling a Dooce book club… Or at least some “what I’m reading” section and we can discuss. You could be the next Oprah.

  • beyond_para

    1. Not strangle the kid for making bad financial decisions like tacos, video games & beer before rent.

    2. Spend much time on budget & finance 101 with the kid so he will learn that having a room to eat tacos in is more important than beer or video games.

    3. Spend more time in my livingroom in my underwear.

  • kcbelles

    Wow – so sorry, i.delia – that’s so sad. I shudder to think when our little old man (that’s him to the left) leaves us.

    Only one resolution – get back on track with the weight loss. Had WLS almost three years ago; lost 155 lbs, but over the past year, put about 40 back on. I read that’s normal with WLS patients and I had my surgeon check the ole’ pouch and it’s not horrifically stretched out, so this is doable. I just have to remeber how much I liked feeling so much lighter.

    Happy New Year to you and your family, Heather. Love your banner this month – it’s a mouthful!

  • Bree

    I so badly need to work on my patience. Also the normal eating right, working out more, and keeping the house regularly clean. (booooring!)

  • Brookelyn Bridge


    We’ve got too much junk!

  • KatherinetheGreat

    I’m going to work toward my dreams of becoming a roller girl. (This is nicely open–so I can succeed pretty easily. MWAHAHA.)

    I am going to make an effort to ruin less things less often. This is going to be hard, because it’s always a mistake.

  • JenMarie

    I have multiple…hoping they all come through. Read more books, tote my camera around and take more pictures, think more positively (and being happy with my life and less envious of others who are in the stage of life I wanted to be in), and listen to more jazz (less pop). I also am hoping to do more sewing this year.

    Think I’ve got a full plate there but I figure the more the better!

  • seamshappy

    My resolution is to not make a resolution. I always fail and then feel like a goof. Life is too short. Oh, and the mother-in-law thing, at least yours cares if you burn down the house!