Dutch clock weights

Jon and I are lying in bed on Friday night watching Bill Maher when he mentions that he had recently been bleeped on CBS when he referred to Tea Partiers as Tea Baggers. And he can’t understand why this term is now deemed explicit because not everyone knows what it means, right? And his guest John Waters is like, um, Bill? Of course everyone knows what this means. Even that former Mormon, Heather, in your audience knows what it means, and she was twenty-two years old before she ever saw a penis outside of a textbook.

Right then I tell Jon to pause the television. “You know what it means, right?” I ask him.

“Well, yeah,” he answers. “I’m pretty sure it’s when the guy drags his package across your face and rests his balls in your eyes.”

To describe my laughing fit as lasting forty-five minutes will underestimate it by at least an hour.

Rests his balls in your eyes? The?

I mean, I’m sure that this particular maneuver is a total turn on for some people, but the only thing I can think of when I hear this scenario is someone getting home from work and being all, dude, I am so tired. Do you think you could go stand in front of the freezer for a few minutes and then bring your balls over here and plop them on my eyes? Thanks.

  • sweetpotatopie

    Honestly I didn’t know what it meant until your commenters “enlightened” me. I think I’ll stick with Maher’s version.

  • mommica

    So obviously tea bagging is not resting the balls on the eyes, but from the sounds of some of your comments, there is such a move, referred to as Arabian sunglasses. What I want to know is, how the hell is that fun for EITHER party? Is there heavy blinking involved or something?

  • luv and kiwi

    I just about died laughing lol…I was SO expecting to open up your post and read about some cutesy little antique clock you just bought with a picture of Chuck beside it. Boy was I wrong!!!


    Now I shall daydream of men droppin their balls onto eyeballs.

  • Agavi

    So many times I’ve wanted to comment but was too damn lazy to register.

    But I just *had* to thank you for the laugh, I’ve been laughing all afternoon. “Oh yeah? Well, balls in your eyes!” just might be my new retort for every dumb ass Tea Party media byte I have the misfortune to be subjected to.

    And please, for your loving loyal readers, I am begging you for a follow-up post in which he defines dirty sanchez.

  • Agavi

    @sweetpotatopie, that IS Maher’s definition. It wasn’t a slip of a tongue. That’s why it’s funny.

  • jon

    I didn’t say what she said I said.

    I might have to declare war in this house…

  • Tess

    Sweetpotatopie (and others that freely use this phrase), please do not stick with Maher’s version. It is disgusting and unnecessarily hurtful to many conservatives. How would you feel if people referred to liberals as “Donkey Punchers”? It is okay if we do not agree politically, but there is no reason to be disrespectful. Please think of others before you speak.