Sorry you're feeling this way Heather! That's got to so difficult to deal with! I'm glad you tweeted what you did about it though because for a few days a few weeks ago, I was feeling down. I had no real reason to feel down but your tweet helped me understand it a little more.

Good luck! Much love!

Heather, i can't tell you how much this post helped me. i've never tracked it by month (the september and may thing), but it seems to fit. i've definitely hit it again this month - that feeling of the world falling apart around you, and you can't figure out why you feel that way. and choking back sobs more consistently than you'd like to admit.
your book and your blog have been some of the best therapy i've ever had. knowing that i'm not alone with my struggles in depression and with not always loving motherhood makes the world of difference. so thank you for being so open!
Sarah

Interesting.

After I was diagnosed with manic depression, I pulled out my old journals, which I've kept for about twelve years. I read that every September, I get the same way: my mood changes, I'm sick of the daylight, ready to cocoon in winter.

I also get the same migraine headache every year, usually within the same three days. (Got it on Tuesday, right on schedule.)

Just wanted to say you're not alone in your September blues, even though autumn is my favorite time of year.

It's amazing how our bodies can remember, even when we don't.

this must be the reason i asked my doctor to up my meds last week. i'm thinking of replacing all light bulbs in my house with full spectrum light bulbs...this way it is always sunny at my house.

I'm right there with you, sister, waiting for my new light box to arrive.

I used to go into a deep depressive episode every May. Then last September I got so bad (even with my meds) that I actually asked my doctor for sleeping pills because "I just want to go to sleep forever." Needless to say I didn't get the pills but did have several appointments during the month with both her and my therapist to pull me through the crisis. Now I have to watch out during both May and September.

Thanks for the information. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one going through this cyclic process.

I've never thought to look at the time of year. I always hear about Mercury being in retrograde affecting moods, but I've never bothered to find out what it actually means. I'm so used to wallowing, so used to being inexplicably sad, my husband has occassionally commented that no matter what he does to make me happy I don't know HOW to be happy. But it IS particularly worse at this time of year. I also know that the whole loss of suns fucks w/my mind b/c I hate being cold. I will say this though, which I've told no one else (and feel wholly free to distribute it to you, Internet people), is that I've finally asked for...medicinal assistance. There, I said it.

Echoing everybody else in saying: thanks for this. I have both going on right now -- depression + a bad, heartbreaking breakup. The fear that This Despair Is Going To Last Forever is overwhelming some days, particularly when suddenly there is no one's beloved hand to hold.

Goddamnit, now I'm crying again, hold on.

Anyway -- thanks. And also, you hang in there too. We're all here for you.

Thanks for a beautiful, wonderful, accurate post. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I think the struggle between knowing that "nothing is wrong" and the anger that you can't stop yourself from feeling so sad is constant. My psychologist used to ask me, "Would you be happier if you were hospitalized with a broken leg?" And the answer was a resounding "yes!"

You've worded the struggle between sadness, knowledge, and anger better than I ever could and I appreciate that, because it will help me share how I feel with those I love most.

Thank you for sharing that. A light bulb just went off in my head. All of these years I've never understood why I always get so sad. I LOVE fall. I love the upcoming holidays and the big meals and the time to be with my family and friends. And big steamy cups of soup. I blame the change in seasons in my desire to cocoon, be alone, and be quiet. When really?

It's just depression.

Really glad to have read this post... the weather really messes with me every year, but sometimes I'm too busy to notice that that's what the problem (at least in part) is. Sending the link to this post to my SO... :)

I always associated September mood changes with school starting, but now that I'm not in school and it persists, that explains so much. It wasn't something that I gave much thought to, but now that I look back, it all makes perfect sense.

It certainly explains why my depression and anxiety have been going haywire over the past few weeks.

Way to go, @waitimaprincess. For me, off and on, for many, many years. Don't be afraid to say something if the med isn't working for you. There are several options, and as Heather and others have pointed out, different meds for different brains.

Heather, you and Jon have helped me more than you'll ever know.

I have been miserable for weeks. Completely immobile and filled with self-loathing. Three years ago, my mother-in-law attempted suicide in this very month. I'v never made a seasonal connection to the sadness before today. I always thought it was some leftover perfectionism from all the years I spent in school. And that there was something about getting to September that always made me feel every ounce of my not-good-enoughs. Like I'd just went back to school shopping and once again was going to show up with the wrong kind of jeans. But it may be the sun? A relief, yes. But I don't know if it will stop making me feel like the only thing I am capable of in this world in failure.

I had a freak out the other day - panic, anxiety, frustration and tears over a stupid label in Word (damn you, Microsoft!). After, I commented to my husband that this was the first time it had happened in about six months, and I didn't know why. Now I'm thinking that September is as good a reason as anything else I've come up with, and I feel better. I can view it as a bump on the sun and not as the beginning of an endless descent.