Why simply enjoy an organism when you can experience a sensational organism?

Yesterday Beth called to tell me about the experience that inspired this entry on her website. When she got to the part where her mother called up from the bathroom, “Do you want that book in your bathroom?…Sensational Organisms?” I honestly thought to myself, “I wonder what organisms would be considered sensational? Amoebas? Single-celled? Ticks? [...]

Someone even dressed up like Brian Emo, get it? get it?

Friday night Jon put on his mod parka he got from a friend in 1985 when he was on a Mormon mission in Manchester, England, and I dressed up as the lead singer of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. My costume didn’t involve much except black clothing, a lot of product in my hair, and really [...]

Not only did I tell Jon, I’m telling the Internet

The realtor we used to by our house is a bit of a gasbag, and no offense to realtors, but are any of them not? He drives a Lexus and lives on the poshest street in the city and is so short I could use him as a stool to reach the flour at the [...]

The Biggest Breakthrough in Food Storage this Millennium

So Beth called and was all, “So, um, do you want to come to a tupperware party with me?” And I was all, “Um, Beth, you just said, ‘tupperware party.’” And she was all, “Um, yah, I know, but there’s going to be wine there.” And I was all, “Come pick me up!” So we [...]

In the Midwest people is too proper to use the word “panty”

Last night I did one of those terribly clichéd grown-up married things people do and I went out for a Ladies Night. I hate calling it that because it sounds like I took off my apron, sighed with the back of my hand pressed to my forehead, and giggled as the girls showed up and [...]

Happy Annual It’s Time To Change My Hair Month

Last week someone in the comments on a photo said that they checked their watch, and what do you know, it’s October: time for Heather to change her hair. Indeed, it is once again that time of year, a time when I can’t stand what is on top of my head and will go to [...]

Our Weekend Away

When we arrived at the lodge on Friday night the air was crisp and the “deng deng deng deng” guitar riff on every song on the new Interpol album was ringing in our ears from having blasted it the entire way to Park City. We stood at the check-in desk, drunk on pretzels and Pringles, [...]

I’m so horny but that’s okay…my will is good

The ten year anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s death is in a few days, and I find it wildly appropriate that today, while rummaging around old shoeboxes looking for colored paper to use in a scrapbook I plan to make for Leta (stop looking at me like that, yes I scrapbook and I am proud of [...]

Underwire Technical Support

Many of you have sent me email telling me that you can’t see any of the images on this website, and while I don’t have time to troubleshoot each individual instance of this happening, I did call my hosting provider, and they say it isn’t their fault. Of course it isn’t their fault. Some of [...]

Because I Wasn’t Insane Enough Already

We haven’t even begun to unpack from our trip to the South, and I’m suffering the nastiest head cold this side of the Mississippi complete with green sinus goo only pregnant hormones could produce. My house is a disaster, I have no clean underwear, and I haven’t slept more than four hours in the last [...]