Email: The No Poop Policy
From: L. Subject: The No Poop Policy I thought you may enjoy this conversation I had with a coworker yesterday. We work in a fairly large [place of employment disguised because no one else should get in trouble for this website] center where the admin department is at the top of the building near…gasp…the employee [...]
Of course my first post of the new year would have to be about this
“How many times did she go poop today?” “Once. Just once.” “I pooped this morning. That makes two of us. How about you? Have you pooped today?” “Nah.” “How long has it been?” “Three days. I know, I know, I KNOW. It’s toxic, just like Britney says.”
Thinking
NOTE TO SELF AND INTERNET: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT eat 20 spicy buffalo wings for dinner when you had very light lunch else you will find you and your accomplice in wing consumption the next morning in separate bathrooms SHITTING YOUR BRAINS OUT while the baby sits on the bed and screams wondering [...]
When the Discovery Channel meets real life
The Republican National Committee is sponsoring a series of ads in Utah that feature God’s voice condemning a candidate for governor for being a Democrat. God quotes the candidate in his booming, omniscient voice, “I am what I am, A DEMOCRAT.†And you can hear the thundering sound of windows being boarded up all over [...]
Every comment should include the word “poop”
So it’s time to talk about some of the good things going on around here in regards to feedback I get from this site because my chi or my energy or whatever is all so negative lately that my four day pooping streak SUDDENLY ENDED. And just let me start by saying that I don’t [...]
Status
Hello, Internet. My name is Heather and my website is the number one search result for “poop in my ass.” Life doesn’t get much better than that.
A Story About Someone Else’s Ass
Last week I had a huge portion of my extended family in town for the wedding of one of my cousins, perhaps The Prettiest Man on Earth. See:
Email: Poop
Hey Heather, Few people in the world will find this amusing…thought you might be one of them. A co-worker told me 5 minutes ago that she was uber constipated while pregnant due to her triple dose of iron pills and the fact that pooping is a chore for her to begin with. While giving birth — not [...]
A Story About My Ass
I am the youngest of three children and the only one my mother breastfed. I was born at a time when it was vogue for women to formula feed their children, but by the time I came along my mother wanted to experience breastfeeding, and did she! 22 months of nothing but breastfeeding — no [...]
A Heartbreaking Work of Super Pooping Genius
warning: The following post contains frequent mention of poop and poop related activities. If you are offended by the talk of poop, whether of the infant or adult variety, you might want to wander elsewhere and offend not thy precious sensibilities. What hasn’t been perfectly manageable, however, is the inhumane aftermath of labor that no [...]
