Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

Rant Rant Rant Rant Rant Rant, Part 1

Please stop picking your nose and drive your damn car.

A woman over the age of 12 should not wear pigtails, especially if she is wearing sweat pants and leather clogs as well.

Stop looking at my boobs. You and every other man in this office suck at being sly.

Clickability is not a word. Cockamamy is.

Printing out a clip-art drawing of the American flag and taping it to the back window of your car really contributes to the infinite nature of my justice.

A woman who instantly becomes quiet when I enter the bathroom and take the stall next to hers needs to understand that everyone pees. I pee, you pee, we pee. Please, just pee.

Who the hell are The Merkin People, George W? Who? Who?

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___________

488 total visitors to dooce.com sorely disappointed.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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