Playful, elegant, and not above the judicious use of the word “shit."

Original Sin

It’s not that I’ve never made an adult purchase before. I mean, I’ve never bought a house or a boat or even a set of pillow shams to match the curtains. But I have, in the short term of being the age that Britney describes as “not a girl, not yet a woman,” made significant purchases involving money.

I once bought a couch. This couch is perhaps the most extraordinary couch I have ever seen, custom made with handpicked fabric and imported down feathers from a rare species of bird living mostly in the forests of Borneo. I was assured that Borneo did, indeed, have forests.

I once bought a 35-inch Sony television set because the other TV I owned broke two days before the season finale of Felicity. Two days after the season finale of Felicity, when the world was left to wonder whether she would choose Noel or Ben (she should have gone with Noel, but obviously it doesn’t matter what I think) the broken TV suddenly fixed itself and I was left with two enormous television sets in a tiny one bedroom apartment. That’s when I discovered that one could, theoretically, live in one’s bed.

Then there was that whole car financed on a two-year loan thing. I’ll never do that again.

Yesterday Jon and I bought an iBook, the most exquisite piece of machinery I have ever had the pleasure of sniffing and licking with my tongue. It also happens to be the first Apple product I have ever purchased, as I am a consummate PC whore. Today I am officially freaking out.

The couch and the TV and the car were all things I actually needed, physically and emotionally. Who doesn’t need an 8-foot couch stuffed with imported down? Who in their right mind would take public transportation in LA? And anyone who saw the first season of Felicity knows that she should have chosen Noel, there’s no point in arguing otherwise.

But do I really need a high-end iBook complete with OS X? What does OS X stand for anyway? Am I ready to give up my right-click privileges? Why is everything, including the air I breathe, now strangely aqua and beveled? Is the church true and does God live?

I bear my testimony to you today that yes, God does live, and his name is Steve Jobs. I am a convert. Praise Jesus and partake of the fruit.

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