This here bringer of the pooper to the fun party

Assumptions

Girl A: Hey, did I wake you up?

Girl B: Huh? Um, no. No, I’m awake. I’m totally awake.

Girl A: No you’re not. I woke you up. I’m sorry.

Girl B: No, really. I’m awake. I wasn’t sleeping.

Girl A: Are you sure?

Girl B: Am I sure?

Girl A: Yeah, are you sure you weren’t asleep?

Girl B: Well, do you want the truth?

Girl A: Of course I want the truth! I assumed you were telling the truth.

Girl B: I didn’t necessarily think you wanted the truth.

Girl A: Why would you think that I wouldn’t want the truth?

Girl B: Because I was sleeping and I wasn’t thinking clearly.

Girl A: I knew it! I knew I was going to wake you up.

Girl B: How did you know you were going to wake me up?

Girl A: Because you’re always sleeping. Every time I call you I assume I’m going to wake you up.

Girl B: I am not always sleeping!

Girl A: Yes you are! You talk about it all the time on your website.

Girl B: You read my website? How long have you been reading my website?

Girl A: Oh come on, you know I read your website. Don’t even pretend that you don’t know that I read your website. We all read your website.

Girl B: Who is “we all”?

Girl A: What does that matter? Just admit that you sleep all goddamn day long.

Girl B: But I don’t sleep all goddamn day long, just most of the day. Why do you care anyway?

Girl A: Because I should be able to call you without worrying whether or not I’m going to wake you up.

Girl B: So I shouldn’t sleep, ever? I should stay awake every moment of the day in case you call?

Girl A: Oh shut up. Stop being so dramatic. Save it for your website.

Girl B: This phone call is quickly becoming a drag.

Girl A: Then write it up on your fucking annoy list.

Girl B: Don’t tempt me.

Girl A: Life isn’t a bunch of side bar anecdotes, you know. There’s so much more than that HTML thing. I just get worried about you sometimes. That’s all.

Girl B: Yeah, whatever. So, what’s up? Why did you call?

Girl A: Well, I was wondering if you could put me on your charm list.

Girl B: Do what?

Girl A: I just think it’s time I made the charm list, that’s all.

Girl B: I just think it’s time I start a shit list.

Girl A: Oh, grow up!

Girl B: Oh, shut up!

Girl A: When I look at you I throw up!

Girl B: . . .

Girl A: . . .

Girl B: So, can I use you’re real name?

Girl A: Nah.

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