An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Leaving Los Angeles

So Chuck is sitting in front of the living room window, the only place in the apartment not covered by a box or a huge nugget of dust, and that perma-worry wrinkle on his forehead has grown the size of the continental divide, and he’s like, what the fuck are you people doing? And I’ve tried to explain things to him, that things change and that the fact that things change is what makes life interesting. And he just looks at me like he doesn’t understand English.

The movers will be here in about an hour, and the only thing left to pack are the computers, the cds and everything in the storage unit downstairs, which just so happens to be the same storage unit to which we can’t find the key, which at first seemed like a total disaster, because in a situation like this, when you need to get into that storage unit more than any other time you’ve needed to get into that storage unit, it could be a total disaster. But when you think about the larger scheme of life, like getting to drive up the coast to Seattle to spend Thanksgiving with your brother and his 5-yr old daughter who likes to take Mr. Potato Head and put the body parts into all the wrong places because “that’s what Picasso would do,” and then drive to Utah, arriving triumphantly with liquor cabinet in tow and the funniest dog in the world who will unsuspectingly get to experience cold weather for the first time, who cares about the damn key to the storage unit.

So, I’ve made a mix cd for the road full of songs that played a huge part of my Los Angeles experience, a soundtrack of sorts. These are all the songs that I have put on repeat in the past four years, and not just a couple repeats, but days and days of repeats, so many agonizing repeats that I’ve had coworkers threaten me with baseball bats, only to hear me plead, I’m sorry, I promise this is the last time, one more time, I need to hear it one more time, but I played it two more times.

Charlatans UK, Forever
Death Cab for Cutie, 405
Elliot Smith, Everything Reminds Me of Her
Modest Mouse, All Night Diner
Destiny’s Child, Bootylicious
Clem Snide, I Love the Unknown
Ryan Adams, Come Pick Me Up
Mason Jennings, Darkness Between the Fireflies
Jai Agnish, How You Dream
New Pornographers, Mass Romantic
Folk Implosion, Mechanical Man
REM, I’ve Been High
Kingsbury Manx, Pageant Square
David Holmes, 69 Police
Bauer, Western Trail
Third Eye Foundation, What is it with You?

  • a

    The first time my young dog saw snow was on a driving trip last winter. We took him along with us and when we stopped in Salt Lake City there happened to be snow and ice — lots of it. We let him out to go pee and he was confused and excited. Within 15 seconds of touching snow he has slipped and broken his leg it two places. It was tragic. Be careful with Chuck! And enjoy your roadtrip!

  • Great mix. Bon Voyage, and we’ll catch you on the flip side.

  • Does Chuck know he can legally have several wives in Utah? Have a happy, safe trip.

  • Nora

    I’m strangely honored that you’ll be stopping in Seattle on your journey from one home to the next…our lovely rainy town gets an actual visitation by Dooce, hubby, and Chuck, in person. If it isn’t raining while you’re here, make sure you look at the cloud formations in the sky, and watch the light on the buildings downtown. Phenomenal, and why I fell in love with this city.

  • Alex

    I want to hug all of you, really.

  • stace

    my first thought is that i feel really, really old now. thanks a lot. i think i’ve heard of two artists on your list. not sure. i really enjoy your site, dooce, but now i’m really depressed. and somebody the other day said something about middle-aged something or others. ouch.

    have a good trip. and best wishes on the next chapter of your lives. wow. that DID sound like an “older” person.

  • oh, elliott smith. if there were ever a brilliant and ugly m-f, it is him. but oh lord, i would lay him if i ever had the chance.

  • Mr. Creepy

    Hey, Ms. Lauren
    What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
    Come here often?
    Can I buy you a drink?
    Do you want to see my Elliot Smith impression?

  • ex southern babtist

    Speaking of dogs in different places, the first time I took my Labrador to Lake Tahoe we hiked all the way down to the water on the east side. As soon as she saw the water she jumped off the rocks into it. I’m telling you that water was near freezing. You could see the shock on her face. When she tried to get out she couldn’t because the boulders were too high. I watched her for a while to see if she could find a way out. Finally when she started going under I climbed down and grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and back and pulled her out. Goofy dog!

  • Having moved thrice in the past two years (once abroad even), I have one piece of advice: take all you can from the place you are leaving, and try not to leave yourself behind.

  • L.A. will miss the dooce.

  • hey look! polygamy porter!

    (shoot, hope html in comments is ok). drive safely.

  • oh, i’m sure we could stage something worthy of the queen here in seattle. should you wish to grant audiences, of course.

    in fealty.

  • shy

    finally… some one else who knows elliot smith.

  • shy

    finally, some one else who knows elliot smith.

  • thank you thank you thank you

  • ok, dooce and the husband and chuck… come back. we miss you already.

  • dMN

    dooce, i was trying to tell my friend that not only were you mildly brilliant, that you were hot too, but i c

  • dMN

    dooce, i was trying to tell my friend that not only were you mildly brilliant, that you were hot too, but i c

  • damn

    dooce, trying to tell my friend that you were hot as well as mildly brilliant, but couldn’t find your wedding photos anywhere on the site. what the hell?

  • Michele

    I hope you find the kind of life you are looking for in Utah 🙂 Your home will always be where Jon and Chuck are but I give you credit for having the guts to make yourself a better life and for moving back for bigger reasons than why you left. Great tunes…hope you have a safe trip. xo

  • Onward!

  • P.S. – Elliot Smith is that deal. On the real tip. When I’m not pumping Ghostface Killah or Bebel, it’s Elliot all the way… “I’m in love/with the world/through the eyes/of a girl…”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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