the smell of my desperation has become a stench

A Selection of Recent, Random and Wholly Unrelated Observations, Volume II

The only reason to pass up an entire all-access day pass at the Sundance Film Festival is the season premiere of “American Idol.”

That my father and my step-father can hold a 30-min telephone conversation about cars and tools and those lovely blonde twins that make my sister’s life a daily three-ring circus, that they can laugh and engage in criminally civil banter over long-distance lines, that they love each other and call every other week to make sure the other is doing okay, that is a remarkable thing.

One’s dog shouldn’t smell better than one’s own armpits.

A Diet Coke will not counteract nor eliminate a grilled cheese sandwich with french fries and chocolate cake.

Dustin Hoffman is shorter than my 11-yr old niece.

Sometimes you have to accept your family, no matter how inconvenient or frizzy-haired or insistent that they stick their fingers up your dog’s nose.

Snow is totally overrated.

Rachel Weisz is the best British import since Liam Gallagher, and people, Liam and I go back a looooonnnngg way.

I never knew my nose was capable of such boogers.

I thought Ed Burns was cool, until he showed up to that question and answer session in a beret and denim shirt.

Sometimes a woman needs to be reminded that she is the luckiest woman in the world, that men don’t usually come in such freakishly wonderful packages as he came.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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