the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Armstrongs are American, too

So the world is just a piece of crap and this war continues to make no sense and families are being destroyed as Dan Rather sits smugly from the safety of his make-up chair. The fucking dog across the street will not stop barking, and I really can’t blame him because I’d bark all day long if my owner locked me inside a 3 foot by 3 foot cage 24 hours a day. The fucking inhumanity.

Today I’m seriously wondering whether or not I should bring a child into all of this mess, because that’s a decision my husband and I face as we near the moment his insurance kicks in. While I understand that there’s never a right time to have a baby — who can really say? — and that I’ll never really be 100% prepared for motherhood, I know that I’ve never been more sure about a decision in my life. I’ve wanted children with my husband since our first date, and now that we finally have insurance to cover any unexpected problems, I really can’t think about anything else.

But on days like today I can’t help but wonder why I’d ever want to inflict life on any child. War aside, our children are going to have enough inherited uphill battles: depression, anxiety, bushy monobrows, gangly arms and legs, a distinct lack of athletic ability, a crippling battle with insomnia and exhaustion, an extended family who will want to convert them to Mormonism, high blood pressure, big noses, afros, gigantic feet, flat asses, pointy chins, and a long life of booblessness.

Throw in war and my children may as well just crawl back into the womb. I’d like to say that I’m glad my children will be born into a community that respects personal freedom and choice, that my children will enjoy most of the privileges I enjoyed as a resident of a mostly-functioning democracy. But I’m really scared about the future, about the future of this country, the future of personal freedom, the future my kids will have to live and make choices in, if they are allowed to make choices at all. Maybe I’m being a bit fatalistic here, but already I can’t speak up against this war without being labeled a “traitor” or “anti-American,” and that fucking scares the shit out of me. Since when did this country become the Fascist States of America?

Regardless of these fears my husband and I will be trying for a family soon, and I intend to teach them tolerance and compassion. Above all I intend to teach them the value of an open mind. I just hope they live in a world where they are allowed to use it.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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