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As Real As It May Seem

Last night I had a dream that I gave birth to a 15lb baby boy through my belly button. He came out feet first wearing matching little blue sneakers and a plaid fishing hat, and the whole labor was entirely painless. I just pulled him out by the sneakers, and plop, there he was.

I know that if I actually gave birth to a baby who was wearing clothes when he came out of the womb that I’d be quarantined and that they’d take him away and do all sorts of tests, but when I woke up from that dream I was honestly a little disappointed that it wasn’t true. I mean, having a baby who not only comes equipped with his own clothes but is evolved enough to know how to match them, that is the type of baby I can get behind.

Have you ever had weird pregnancy dreams?

  • Madeline

    I’ve had this dream several times: I am in the hospital, pregnant, about to give birth, then the next bit is a blur that i never remember, but I then realize that they are bringing my baby for me to see for the first time… and when he arrives, though a newborn, promptly informs me that he would like to go to McDonald’s because he wants to eat cheeseburgers… my newborn could speak full sentences, and all it really wanted was cheeseburgers. hmmmm. I’ve also given birth to a bird in my dream once… what does this mean when you give birth to an animal???

  • I’ve never been pregnant, but I had this dream once, and it still haunts me. I dreamt that I had a baby girl, and I was all happy and yada yada yada. Then, my mother cooked her for Thanksgiving dinner. Like a turkey. And brought her to the kitchen table and served her. With carrots and potatoes.

  • Gail

    Darn, I feel dull.

    Most all my pregnancy dreams were panic dreams, usually involving lying on the beach or driving fast down bright highways, then suddenly remembering that I’d left the baby in the bath.

    (No, I don’t need Freud to untangle that one, thank you.)

  • Libby

    Once i dreamed i was a really good figure skater, an Olympic hopeful, but my dreams to compete in the Olympics were shattered when i agreed to be a surrogate mother for my best friend and her boyfriend. The best part is that i’ve gone ice skating maybe twice in my life.

  • Tons of bizarre pregnant dreams–one where I dropped the baby in the hospital parking lot, which really sucked.

    I told my OB/Gyn about it and he said that those kind of dreams are very common during pregnancy.

    BTW, congratulations on your pregnancy.

  • I’ve often had pregnancy dreams where I didn’t know a) who the father was and b) when I was going to give birth. And no, I’m not promiscuous, it just freaked me out that I couldn’t remember. Weird.

    I’ve never actually GIVEN BIRTH in a dream, though…

  • While I was pregnant, I dreamed the baby could push her little body parts through my belly as though it made of balloon rubber, It wasn’t until she pressed her whole head out the top that I freaked.

    I also dreamed my single girl baby became biracial quintuplets.

  • Thank you for the wonderful and helpful e-mail. I expected to have to wait for weeks for you to write me back Heather! *laugh* I am about to push up my sleeves and get down to studying some HTML. Have a blessed day!


  • moose

    I kept dreaming over and over that I was going to give birth to a little dark-haired girl. Then one night I dreamt I gave birth to a blond boy. Despite more dreams of a dark-haired girl after that, I just knew I’d have a little blond boy. The dream was unique so it had to be significant.

    I had a little dark-haired girl. Her hair later turned blonde.

    I also dreamt I had a belly of swimming fish.

  • Michelle

    I’ve never been pregnant but you might like to know that a friend of mine described that in her third trimester there’s enough estrogen and blood pumping through your nether regions that she had an orgasm while sleeping (really, it woke her up). Look forward to that!

  • i just remembered that i dreamed of giving birth to a beautiful baby boy, and was utterly panicked as i had not actually been pregnant, and i had to figure out a way to share the above info with my husband…

  • Lex

    Haven’t had pregnancy dreams per se, but when my wife was 38 weeks pregnant with our son, we did a sonogram and he had his right thumb in his mouth. That night I dreamed he would be born with his right thumb in his mouth.

    Of course, that’s exactly how he came out. Which is not such a huge deal, but up to the point we’d been worrying about complications, and after that dream, for whatever reason, I didn’t worry anymore.

  • joy

    At about 3-4 months into my pregnancy with my son,I dreamed that of a little fiesty medium brown haired blue eyed baby boy. (This was back when you didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl) Oh boy I was surprised when he came out just like that, medium brown hair and blue eyes and wouldn’t stay still while they tried to cut his umbilical cord. He wasn’t crying just wiggley as hell. He still is that way at the age of 22 years.

  • p

    i’ve dreamt i’ve got a few girls pregnant before. probably the worst nightmares i’ve ever had.

  • julie

    I dreamt an ultra-vivid dream while pregnant, that my baby was premature. After greuling through hours of labor, he or she was finally born, but the doctor decided it was’t done enough and back inside it went. This particular dream baby was born 3 times before I actually got to keep it.

    BTW, Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy best book out there and hopefully you can count on some of those orgasmic sex dreams too!

  • happy

    Though i’ve never been pregnant, i’ve had a few dreams about giving birth: usually, i had no idea how i’d gotten pregnant in the first place (still being a virgin)…in one of the dreams, my child was shaped like a large, 3-D gingerbread man. In another, i left the child in her carseat outside the garage in the rain while i took a trip into town!

  • HRH

    Congrats on being pregnant Dooce. While I’ve never been pregnant I’ve had the giving birth dream a couple of times. The most notable of which I actually woke up in the birthing position.

  • ada

    I dreamt I was back stage with David Bowie and trying to make out (as well as being 8 months pregnant) but all my teeth kept falling out.

    Apparently this symbolizes how uncorfortable I was with my changing body size.


  • I dreamt that I had a chainsmoking daughter dressed in black and wearing orthopedic shoes.

    I blame Jeanne Garofalo.

  • We owned a cockatoo when I was pregnant with our first daughter, and I dreamed that I was breastfeeding him – with the gigantic beak and all!!!!

  • EC

    I dreamed that the little girl I was carrying became a little boy…and it came true.

  • I had a dream that I took a pregancy test mere hours after attempting procreation and it came back positive.

  • michele

    I once had a dream that I was pregnant and having contractions although I wasn’t even far enough along to be showing. In the dream, I called a cab and took my already packed bag out to the curb so I could go to the hospital alone. Apparently, no one thought I was having the baby that night except for me.
    I know this means that when I do get pregnant, every twinge I have is going to make me panic and I’ll be driving my doctor insane with late night calls and false labor scares.
    Does Jon want to be RIGHT DOWN THERE when you are in delivery? My husband does and I adamantly refuse to have him in the general vicinity as my insides shoot out. I mean, how will he ever feel the same about my vagina?

  • PoisonIvy7

    This has less to do with weird dreams, and more to do with the fact that it is incredibly annoying when parent refer to their pregnancies in weeks. Or their toddlers in months. As in “She’s 22 months old now”. Just say she’s almost 2!! Am I right or am I just annoyed because I am slow at math?

  • First time comment, so hey there & you rock.
    To the question: I once dreamt that I was pregnant in my third month, and the baby inside of me took controle over me. It kept telling me what to say, and how to act until I ended up being the richest girl in the world.
    Everyone should go and have a baby now.

  • J

    dude, I already look pregnant without actually being it. dreaming about it might just tip me right into the obesity stakes.
    your pregnant thoughts are just as “out there” as your alcohol fuelled ones. keep ’em coming!

  • I had a pregnancy dream (before I even found out I *was* pregnant) that I was cradling this unbelievably tiny but perfect baby girl in my hands. And whaddaya know… my Sophie just turned 4 months old!

    I promise the nausea gets better — wait until the 2nd trimester; all of a sudden everything changes and you feel human again plus you have all this energy.

  • robin

    I had a dream last night that my cat Oliver was breast feeding. No sandpaper tongue or
    anything, which was a relief. I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do
    or not, but I was still over a month away from having my baby, and I didn’t want
    my milk to “dry up” by not being used, so I figured I had to keep feeding
    him at least until my baby was born.
    I’ve actually had a few dreams where my cat stood in as my baby. I think it’s pretty common to dream about your pets like that…since you can’t really picture what your baby will look like, and you know that you already are responsible for this other creature. Still pretty weird tho. I woke up and he was sleeping next to me, and I felt like we had this new awesome connection. Sigh.

  • Much like Melissa (comment #12), I, too, knew what I was having after several vivid dreams. In every dream I had a girl – from week 4 to week 38. Needless to say, it was a girl.

    Enjoy the dreams, dooce – they’ll only get better as the pregnancy continues. The farther in you get, the wackier they become. Many mornings I woke up laughing over the latest one.

  • When I was pregnant with my daughter I dreamt that I gave birth to triplet kittens — and was quite upset because I didn’t have enough boobs to nurse them all at once!

    With this pregnancy I haven’t had any odd dreams yet. However, a few weeks ago my husbands dreamt that I had gotten pregnant via artificial insemination — my lesbian lover and I had stolen his semen while he slept and used it to get me knocked up. After he told me about his dream I assured him that I do not have a lesbian lover. “Well, a man can hope…” he sighed.

  • Lisa

    When I was pregnant with my daughter, the big thing I worried about was breastfeeding. I twice dreamt that I was trying to breastfeed my cat. Not fun at all.

  • PoisonIvy7…no, you have a very good point, and I totally felt that way before I had babies. There are so many minute changes that take place from week-to-week when you are pregnant, and month-to-month when the baby is born, that it is just makes more sense to talk in weeks and months. I think it ends at about the age of two because now I can comfortably say that my kids are almost three and almost two.

  • Everyone says you have weird dreams when you are pregnant or want to be pregnant but when I was expecting my son – I never had bad or good dreams that I could ever recall.

  • Sanjj

    I once had a dream that I was married to this very idealistic Tall/dark/handsome guy and we were in the middle of sex, except we were just laying there with him on top of me and I think we were both in pajamas. Anyway we decided that it would be easiest if he carried one of our twins until I was done giving birth to the other one.

    Oh yeah, I’m an Eighteen year old virgin who hasn’t even had a boyfriend since the third grade. So it’s not like this was especially erotic or anything. Very sensible planning actually. Or so I thought at the time.

  • i once dreamed that i was teaching myself how to breast feed because i had given birth at home (even though i am childless) and i remember, that the child was so beautiful and i saw her face so clear and i just felt this overwhelming feeling of love – like she was mine. yup, that’s my weird dream.

  • Kittens. Glad to know I’m not the only one. Kept dreaming that I gave birth to huge litters of ’em…and that they would immediately scramble away and climb the walls, and I didn’t feel well enough to get up and chase after them. Thankfully I wound up having one (beautiful) boy instead…but I can hardly keep up with just him these days.

  • Dreamt I left the baby in the bathroom, completely forgetting it. Dreamt I had a little tweety bird at the table that I ended up poking in the eye as I tried to feed it.

    Also, about the nausea, eating regularly, keeping my stomach full helped. Also That energy they talk about? I didn’t get it. Just didn’t feel like I had to sleep twentyfour hours a day.

  • This isn’t a dream per say, but it’s pretty damn close. When I was little and had the good fortune of seeing the episode of Full House where Aunt Becky has the twins, because Uncle Jesse had a large belly (he was dressed up as Fred Flintstone for Michelle’s birthday party) and was lying in the gurney next to her (he had his appendix taken out while she was in labor), I was under the impression that he and Aunt Becky had each delivered a baby. I believed this was true until I caught the episode on a rerun a few years ago.

  • My oldest sister was pregnant with her first child when she dreamt that she threw up her baby. The baby turned out to be a ginger bread cookie who danced around and talked to her.

  • The BF and I are about to get our first dog, and not that I can compare that to pregnancy, but I constantly dream about puppies, puppies, puppies. Oh, and being a 3rd grade teacher. I left teaching middle and high school to succumb to dotcom employment — better hours, way better pay — about 2 years ago. I really miss the kids, so maybe this is a sign? Subconscious is a funny thing.
    PS: You’re going to provide an address at some point so we can shower you with baby clothes from Target, aren’t you? I have never wanted children, but the teeny-tiny baby clothes there are so cute that I am constnatly drawn to the section and wishing my married friends would hurry up and have babies (I’m going to make a swell Aunt) … too bad the BF won’t let me dress up the cats.

  • I keep dreaming that I’m having babies with completely inappropriate ex-boyfriends. I’m really chuffed about the baby, but wondering how the fuck I’m going to deal with this asshole for the rest of my life.

  • i once dreamt that i gave birth to a squid on the steps of a courthouse.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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