An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Fawnzelle La Bon Marché Armstrong

It’s a girl!

20 years from now in some chilly doctor’s office littered with scary abstract art and old issues of Newsweek, my daughter is going to ask her therapist how she could have possibly had a normal life when it all began with her mother posting pictures of her private parts ON THE INTERNET.

God help her.

  • Yep. My new girl is a blast. Yay for you and yay that things are going well.

  • Great to see (or, technically, hear, or more technically, read, so really, I guess we’re back to “see” again) that your unborn spawn is doing well. Also, great to see what now has to be the absolute youngest kiddie pr0n ever posted to the ‘net.

  • Just remember, the first few weeks it is cute when the baby poops.
    Then it gets a smell and you are rock, paper, scissoring for who gets to stay on the couch.

  • aibee

    Congratulations on your eenie, weenie doocette. 🙂

  • y.bee

    Congratulations woo hoo. I think you should give her a sistah name like Keisha or Ebony. I don’t even know why I think that, it just struck me as funny. Congrats!!!! A little doocetta!

  • Sure you don’t wannna amend the middle name to Bon-Macy’s? 😉

  • Well, being so far down in the comments really ain’t cool, but I have to add my best wishes to you all, and an unasked-for suggestion that you duck outta Utah before she turns 13. No daughter o’ Dooce should end up as a sister-wife…

  • Awesome!
    Name suggestion:Shanaynay.
    Its a good sign that you can see a little human in that picture. I’m with Jeni on this one.

  • CONGRATS!!!!!!

  • I know you’ve heard it a hundred times, but Congratulations!! Babies are fun, even with the spit-up and dirty diapers etc.

  • Yay! Congratulations…and if my girl is any indication of life with a daughter…hold on to your hat!

  • anna jr.


    i’m so happy for you!
    (and for the record, a boy would have been super cool too.)

    how about the name olivia?

    congratulations to you and your beloved!

  • Hey! Now your furniture will be okay, and the pee splashing will be kept to a minimum.

    Name: Rayon Marquette

  • New Reader

    i must admit i wasn’t a big fan of blogs at first, but i kept reading yours and now I’m hooked. dooce is the only blog i read regularly, and i SO enjoy the updates and your witty take on life. CONGRATULATIONS Heather,Jon (& Chuck)- that will be one of the smartest, best-loved and happiest babies ever talked about on the Internet!

  • Comments are consistently pointing to the clothes and the baby shopping, but all I’m thinking is, “Oh God, you’re not going to get ANY sleep. Absolutely none.”


  • My husband wishes you hadn’t just made my uterus yearn seventeen times as fervently for a wee one.

    I’m so happy for you.

  • How exciting! We’re about 10 weeks away from the arrival of our little girl, who also showed her butt to the ultrasound not too many weeks ago. This was after she spent 10 minutes crossing her legs to try and keep her little secret.

  • Yay! Congrats.
    Girl clothes are much cuter, anyways.

  • zak

    Please Heather… promise us that your daughter will never have spit up. It’s vomit or puke.

  • galt

    can i get a wooHoo!?…wooHoo!

  • galt

    oh, and of course, congratulations!

  • ~Angel

    YAAAY! Congratulations!
    I’m so happy for you, girls are so fun!

  • Tin Lai

    I want to wish you the best. I found your site a couple of months ago and have been loving it since especially when I found out you’re preggie. I too am having a girl (she’s due in November), so I can totally understand what you’re going through. Congrats again!! She’s going to be a lucky kid.

  • oh I finally get to comment! 🙂 i’m so glad your baby is doing good and that everyone is happy, love your site…i bet you were nervous at the ultrasound huh? i had to pee really bad right in the middle of it cause they said drink alot of water before you come in here lol

  • Hey! Congrats. Though, I don’t see a baby in the picture. Or rather, I don’t see the part that lets us all know it’s a girl! I have ZERO maternal instincts. None whatsoever. Would someone be so kind as to hint at what part I’m supposed to be looking at so I know it’s a girl?

  • Is your daughter even going to know what the internet is? I think we’re dating ourselves. She’s probably going to say something to the effect of “God mom, you’re so 2003!”

    Brrrr… It gives me chills just thinking about it. Congrats.

  • You can dress her frilly things as a munchkin, then give her Legos later. Every girl needs Legos.


  • contrats!!


    Fawnzella is a she!!! I hope this future she-devil makes Mormans squirm

  • Just had a girl 09/06/2003. Well, my wife just had her. Girls rule!

  • Ivonne, click on the pic.

  • I’m so pleased for you! Here’s hoping little Fawnzelle is healthy, wealthy, and wise.

  • Love the the picture even more.

  • I’m sure she’ll be fine. I mean, look at how I turned out, after being read all those nursery rhymes about death and sex and violence… Ok well a sociopathic lesbian with a fondness for showtunes… But hey, that’s cool, right?

  • Wow- Parentals you will be-it’s wonderful and deliciously frightening at the same time… i can’t wait to see this little cutie patootie!

  • Woo hoo! The kid’s in for the ride of her life, as are the two of you (and Chuck, as well!)


  • Brandi

    Spoil her lots!!! where was this place when I was a kid?

  • has anyone commented on the fact that her middle name means “cheap” in french?

    tres classy …

  • congratulations!
    keep filling the world with most excellent people just like yourself.

  • Ah, congratulations to you and Jon! The great thing about those adorable little girl clothes, is that you can blame it on her — “She just won’t wear anything but pink!”
    OO, “doocette” — that’s a lovely name, too…

  • absolutdi

    I can’t even begin to explain the story of how I stumbled upon this website a few months back. I’ve spent a great deal of time checking out this site when I should have been studying o-chem and bacterial diversity. Thank you so much for the moments of procrastination that reading your posts have given me. It’s pretty sweet to make a first post on such a special occasion. Here’s a big CONGRATS from Southern Illinois University-Carbondale. Girls so freakin’ rule!

  • justjack

    Congrats! I’m writing her in as my write-in choice for California governor on October 7! Who cares if she doesn’t make the 18-year old three-drink minimum. It’s a free country! Vote early and often! FAWNZELLE for le governor!


  • Taylor

    Did someone say holy freaking crap? How appropriate.

  • Congrats! That is so wonderful..girls are so sweet..

  • La Doochea!
    Pretty in pink, pretty in anything.
    Blessings on the teeny herself.

  • Congratulations!

  • Mr. and Mrs. Blurb … Regarding approaches to dissuading potential suitors during the dreaded adolescence period, you might be inspired by the eminent philosopher Charles Barkley, who said, regarding young men who come a-courtin, “I’ll kill the first one and the word will get out.” It’s never too early to start planning.

  • Wow! Congratulations both Heather and Jon! How exciting! Hope you two have a great time picking out names, clothes, etc… How very neat! :o)

  • wow
    149th comment? you’re a phenomenon, girl!

    and oh yes, congratulations on your wonderful news. 🙂

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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