the smell of my desperation has become a stench


  • Franny

    2004/09/25 at 6:18 am

    I never thought such a little dog could look so elegant and noble at the same time! Who is this fine specimen of caninehood?

  • Kath

    2004/09/25 at 6:19 am

    Chuck??? What have they done to you!!??

  • Cora's mommy

    2004/09/25 at 6:20 am

    LOL, What a beeatch that “pink” woman was. Women can complain all they want about birthing a child….. It’s hard! But no one said it wasn’t worth it.

  • Brooke

    2004/09/25 at 6:28 am


  • Gavinator

    2004/09/25 at 6:33 am

    Is that a chihuahua? I have one named Mia and I make her wear a sombrero.

  • Sally

    2004/09/25 at 6:48 am

    I think you should have forwarded sassietrousers’s message to your non-sheet-folding vagina, since that’s apparently who she was scolding for not healing and all.

  • di

    2004/09/25 at 6:49 am

    where’s bug? 🙂

  • Meg

    2004/09/25 at 6:58 am

    …as for Sassietrousers, I pity her child(ren). Can you imagine what fresh hell it would be to have such a judgmental,self-righteous mother? Sad, since she is most-likely well intentioned, at least with them.

  • Christi Lee

    2004/09/25 at 7:00 am

    YOU FOUND TINKERBELL? Somebody call the star!

  • Regan

    2004/09/25 at 7:17 am

    bwaha! I bet that dog gets beat up by all the other dogs at the park.

    and that email you got? what a royal beeeotch!

  • Mary

    2004/09/25 at 7:33 am

    If all it took to recover was FIBRE, the world would be full of women eating tree bark.

    What a sweet picture.

  • Lindsey

    2004/09/25 at 7:40 am

    Awwwe, what a sexy lil morsel of doggie goodness that is for Mr. Chuckles 🙂
    P.S. Pink, really? Wow, apparently she hasn’t survied the ‘wonders’ of childbirth all that well.

  • Betsey

    2004/09/25 at 7:42 am

    cute bow, that looks like a dog I’ve met (a name starting with S, I think ) who is almost part of a circus routine with it’s clown owner.

  • Heatheranne

    2004/09/25 at 7:43 am

    What a bitch! (Not the dog.) I’m talking about “Miss I Love That My Vagina Tore”. I think it’s very cowardly to sit at a computer and email a complete stranger some self righteous bullshit.

    It takes a real woman to admit that she’s not perfect.

    It reminds me of this one time my hubby and I got into a fight. I was venting to this girl and said “You know what it’s like when you start yelling at each other and you get so mad.” she said “No, Doug and I never raise our voices or get mad at each other.”


  • Peter Hentges

    2004/09/25 at 7:54 am

    I would suggest that in order to increase your fibre and, thereby aid both your ability to poopand raise children, that you print out emails like the one you received and eat them. But that would likely upset your stomach more than it’s worth. so forget that!

    And that’s the cutest rat I ever saw.

  • Ceylon

    2004/09/25 at 7:59 am

    “Having a baby is a WONDERFUL experience, down to the labor pains and tearing…!”

    Now, I’ve known quite a few masochists, but this lady takes the cake.

    Mmmmm. Tearing. Like sunshine on a spring morning.

  • Mir

    2004/09/25 at 8:21 am

    Can that dog fly? Because she seriously looks like she’s about to take off.

    I’d love to comment on Miss Pink Fibre, but I have to go sing an anthem of praise and joy about my vagina tearing, right now. Maybe I’ll be back later after I finish my offerings of praise to the Gods Of Wondrous Labia Stitching By Med Students Wherein The Pain Makes One Sing For Joy.

  • Lindsay

    2004/09/25 at 8:37 am

    So, I never said I wasn’t childish (22 is still young, right?)… how many of you have mentally composed hate-mail to that wench and are honestly considering sending it?

  • Jenny

    2004/09/25 at 8:42 am

    Adorable dog. And Ms. Pink Fibre clearly has some issues, if she needs to pass judgement.

  • HazelEyedPisces

    2004/09/25 at 8:51 am

    Lindsay, you bet I’m thinking about it. I wouldn’t trade my kids for the world but the women who think giving birth to them are more fun than making them HAVE to be into S&M.

  • Tracy

    2004/09/25 at 9:37 am

    Ai, perro hermoso! A wee Jackie O. among pups. My dog would have that flappy ribbon off her collar in 3 seconds flat; no flair for fashion whatsoever.

  • Christi Lee

    2004/09/25 at 10:00 am

    Word to Mrs. Fibre:
    Don’t you have better things to do besides harass Heather, Like passing a kidney stone, taking pictures of your “CUTE” hemorrhoids or something like that? Gee…Torn vaginas ARE JUST SOOOOO FUN! Maybe you thought you meant well, but god, get some tact. Mothers have a right to bitch about what ever they want, I mean mine does it all the time and she is a great mom, and so is Heather.

  • The Mighty Jimbo

    2004/09/25 at 10:02 am

    i saw a woman at fascist island a couple weeks ago holding a dog that i swear was no bigger than a baseball. i was thinking at that point itsn’t it just easier to get a hamster?

  • Fenix

    2004/09/25 at 10:11 am

    Such a purty lil’ thing!!!

    It’s Scrappy-Doo turned feminine.

  • katekite

    2004/09/25 at 10:25 am

    is “fibre” code for something else? cause i dont think fiber has anything to do with childbirth.

  • Jelene

    2004/09/25 at 10:37 am

    I’m still laughing at Peter Hentges’ comment up above… LOL

    Nice picture of the doggy.. looks like they are smiling.

  • dave p

    2004/09/25 at 11:05 am

    Ah, so here’s that Dr. Who monster come to terrorize San Francisco and the Heap o’ Dirt ™.

    (And it’s just like the Dr Who crew to dress up a, er, um, whatever animal that is in a ribbon and call it a monster, too.)

  • Splitlip

    2004/09/25 at 11:09 am

    This might turn into a, “My vagina is going to beat up your vagina after school behind the fibre shack!” if you’re not careful, Heather! From the sounds of it, seems like she doesn’t mind the rough stuff…oooh…the burning and the ripping. Perhaps she even saved some placenta to crimp into baby’s fist scrapbook!

  • maxigumee

    2004/09/25 at 11:24 am

    With the guy wearing all black and with the dog wearing a white bow, it looks like they’re getting married. 😛

  • Julie

    2004/09/25 at 11:25 am

    Whooo. Very cute pooch. Of course, chihuahuas in action are another thing…

    And, yes, I did send a nasty email to the Pink Fibre Lady. She deserved it. On another subject, “fibre” is just the Brit way of spelling it…

    (and I had a good time sending PFL that email, too!)


  • Jess

    2004/09/25 at 11:34 am

    So apparently just cos the thought of my vagina tearing doesn’t fill me with excitement & joy, I should never have kids? Who is this people and STOP picking on Heather whoever you are.

    Did Chuck beat up that cute little rat:)?

  • eco2geek

    2004/09/25 at 11:40 am

    Coincidentally, after reading your blog, someone posted this on another blog:


    (May God forgive me for posting that. 🙂

  • Heatheranne

    2004/09/25 at 12:08 pm

    DAMNIT!!! Why wasn’t I told that I could have an orgasm during birth?

  • Sarcomical

    2004/09/25 at 12:52 pm

    i was shocked reading that email you got. i was thinking ‘this must be some funny sarcastic joke’, but then…no funny. BOO! she obviously isn’t TOO happy about ANYTHING or she wouldn’t take the time to write something so pointless to you.

    p.s. cute doggie! who’s is it?

  • Sarcomical

    2004/09/25 at 12:53 pm

    whose. duh. WHOSE.


  • lorrie

    2004/09/25 at 1:05 pm

    Those unassisted childbirth people are very, very scary. Sorry about you lacking the fibre to enjoy the ripping. It sounds like a hoot.

  • sarcastic journalist

    2004/09/25 at 1:38 pm


  • christa

    2004/09/25 at 2:14 pm

    oh! the dog looks like my chi, J-Lo. my damn ex-husband got custody of her… damn him.

  • dave p

    2004/09/25 at 2:19 pm

    Unassisted Childbirth – heh – I think the scariest link was “Catching Your Own Baby” –

    What kind of sick freaks are these?

  • cindy

    2004/09/25 at 3:29 pm

    The dog is a cutie, but I have to say something about that email. That woman is psycho! I don’t have children, but even I know there is some pain involved in the process. And in all the talk of the pain and agony, you never say stuff like “I hate my baby” or “I never would have had her if I knew this much pain was involved”. You’re just telling the honest-to-God truth. There’s pain involved. PAIN! Stupid bitch (her, not you).

  • Dee

    2004/09/25 at 3:31 pm

    Wow – Almost 11 months post for me wishing I could be pink…..i too should eat more fibre and get over it…..oh, and i didn’t get to enjoy the ‘during’ thing either ….. will Ms. Awesome Birthing Queen of the Women’s Stretchy Vagina Association crucify me now? fucking bitch, come feel my pain …. hmmm is Ms Pink Woman Lover?

  • Dee

    2004/09/25 at 3:32 pm

    and I do love the doggy ….. too adorable

  • IHateToast

    2004/09/25 at 3:36 pm

    I read sassypants’ (?) email in code. Turns out she meant to say, “You’re honest, funny and are loaded with personality. I’m as dull as a soap dish. If I can’t be fun like you, I shall cut you down. I read pop-psyche books on how to be the one and only perfect mom and no one is as good at it as I am. I pass rose scented gas, and poo marshmallows. Full House was great comedy and I tape Family Circus and Love Is… on my vanity mirror. Follow my example and you’ll be typing pink, too!”
    It took me a few tries to crack the code. I finally did it after a breakfast of Milo and TimTams.

  • Chanelbaby

    2004/09/25 at 3:36 pm

    Clearly Ms. Sassypants is mad. Mad as a hatter. And therefore most grievously to be pitied. So I’m up here in Boston and I just smoked a little which I’ve never done before! Which experience I will NOT be detailing on my blog.

  • mousey

    2004/09/25 at 3:42 pm

    the scary thing is that if we left having babies to those with the “fibre” to handle it, like the woman from the email, we’d end up in a world where the pink-text genes ruled supreme and every ounce of sanity will have been genetically eliminated from the population…

  • Molly

    2004/09/25 at 4:12 pm

    Great Pic!

    Wow, Miss Pink is probably a man with no kids…

  • dayna

    2004/09/25 at 4:34 pm

    dooce, you are just simply the best shit ever. EVER. i had a baby a year ago & howled my ass off reading about (identifying with) your experience. i’ve sent your labor story to all my preggo buddies.
    thanks, i hate toast. your comment is a riot!

  • Toki

    2004/09/25 at 4:38 pm

    …I did compose and send a “hate” mail to Miss Pink Email. No response. 🙁

  • Charlie

    2004/09/25 at 4:41 pm

    Yo quiero taco bell, motherfucker.

  • Charles R. Kaiser

    2004/09/25 at 4:45 pm

    Chihuahuas always make me smile. That’s why I am owned by two. Good looking dog there. Mine are named Pedro Cortez Godtar, and WC’s Mayan Princess. Pedro’s name is a bit of a mock at people who tease me about my little dogs.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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