the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Demonstration

72 Comments
  • beachgal

    2004/10/13 at 5:24 am

    How funny! Love the glasses!

  • HazelEyedPisces

    2004/10/13 at 5:25 am

    Priceless! I still have a photo of mine wearing the empathy belt, another keeper.

  • Beth

    2004/10/13 at 5:26 am

    But did you get a photo of him with cabbage in his bra?

  • Angie

    2004/10/13 at 5:29 am

    That looks like it would be a pretty useful contraption for wearing after a few drinks, if you have a tendancy (as I do) for inexplicably falling over after the 3rd glass!

  • haley

    2004/10/13 at 5:33 am

    Damn Heather, you’re so right. Your husband IS hot!!

  • Becca

    2004/10/13 at 5:34 am

    hehe he looks flustered.

  • beerzie yoink

    2004/10/13 at 5:44 am

    One of the breast photos ever of him.

  • reenie

    2004/10/13 at 5:47 am

    WHAT a hottie!
    Love the “hospital bed” perspective.

  • Daniel

    2004/10/13 at 6:04 am

    Looks like he’s doing a pantamime or performing one of my all-time favorite dances: The Robot.

    Daniel
    humanwrites.blogspot.com

  • kgrp

    2004/10/13 at 6:06 am

    i think what i like best about this picture is that you just gave birth and you’re lying there all plum tuckered out but you STILL have your camera in hand! love that…

  • red

    2004/10/13 at 6:06 am

    hilarious. love the glasses.

  • Katie

    2004/10/13 at 6:09 am

    It’s really hard to go all day without speaking to adults! Everything gets kind of- I don’t know – bottled up.

    Besides, I’ve got you beat. I filled MY dog’s water dish like, six times! And walked him a few to boot. This always impresses the breadwinner on his way in the door, let me tell you.

  • Aelki

    2004/10/13 at 6:10 am

    That’s hilarious. =)

  • Kate

    2004/10/13 at 6:12 am

    OK, I that thing looks like some sort of padded hula hoop. I have only seen the Boppy version.

    Your Jon is such a good sport!

  • Heidi

    2004/10/13 at 6:22 am

    I thought it was some kind of drum at first. Guess I need my morning caffeine!

  • Dre

    2004/10/13 at 6:23 am

    Hubba hubba, Heather, your honey is hot hot hot!

  • Karrey

    2004/10/13 at 6:25 am

    It looks like he’s got some Moveable Type-birthing hair going. Nice.

  • coolbeans

    2004/10/13 at 6:29 am

    More with the drooling and licking of the monitor.

    Thank you.

  • Shiz

    2004/10/13 at 6:40 am

    That’s hilarious! It reminds me of the time my husband and I had a very strange conversation about men breastfeeding their babies. I had been told that it happens, that some men actually “learn” to breastfeed, and as one peruses the internet there certainly is some opinion on it out there. David was certain that it was impossible, but aparently it is, but only sort-of and only for some men. (The questions about milk quality and quantity from men, for exapmle, have never been researched.)

    So I won the argument about whether it was possible, but ended up looking a little goofy about it. I for one will not be encouraging David to lactate when the time comes.

    And now I’m a gross, weird commenter.

  • Pop

    2004/10/13 at 6:49 am

    I work as a full time “father” at a boarding school and 10 middle school girls live with me (and my beautiful wife). I’m quite certain the conversations you have with Leta are more mentally stimulating than my daily chit chats.

    I hate my life.

    I’m thinking of starting my own blog in hopes of getting dooced.

    Thanks for providing some refuge.

  • Laurie

    2004/10/13 at 6:50 am

    That’s hilarious! As if he’s demonstrating how simple it really is… 🙂

    Laurie

  • Lindsey

    2004/10/13 at 6:55 am

    He is totally working the whole nursing pillow thing, that look works for him 🙂

  • Shauny

    2004/10/13 at 7:01 am

    You know, from that angle, he looks kinda like John Corbett when he was Chris The DJ in Northern Exposure. It’s all in the glasses, the forehead, the expression. What a hornbag! 🙂

  • laura

    2004/10/13 at 7:07 am

    Looks like the “My Breast Friend” (worst name ever, BTW) is meant to hold up the breasts not the baby! Clearly, post-birth confusion/euphoria going on…

  • Twinmama

    2004/10/13 at 7:17 am

    Oh Lord, I hated that nursing pillow…

  • Tracy

    2004/10/13 at 7:42 am

    It’s Blurb v1.0, the Lactation Training Droid! They make ’em hot-looking so the mom will pay better attention.

  • Deenz

    2004/10/13 at 7:43 am

    And it makes a handy floatation device…

  • kdub

    2004/10/13 at 7:46 am

    I thought it was a portable high chair table at first until I read the caption. Obviously I don’t have any kids…

  • Gretchen C.

    2004/10/13 at 8:00 am

    Shit, your husband is hot.

    When my older son was an infant, my husband was holding him while not wearing a shirt and Sam tried to nurse on him. My husband told him, “Son, here’s a life lesson. Don’t suck the hairy titty.” I think we can all agree with that.

  • Laurel825

    2004/10/13 at 8:01 am

    “Hot dogs? Cigarettes? Keno?”

  • annakay

    2004/10/13 at 8:05 am

    This absolutely captures the feeling of “we just had a baby” that i remember. A little slap-happy, still safely under medical supervision, NO idea what is ahead of us!

  • Colleen

    2004/10/13 at 8:57 am

    wow… hands-free breastfeading… just strap baby in and continue with your normal routine

  • cathy

    2004/10/13 at 9:03 am

    Re: your Tuesday “Ma ma ma ma ba” entry. When I stayed home when my kids were small I always thought there should be a phone service like the “Dial-the-correct-time” number, except with “Dial-the-day.” You know, is today Wednesday? Thursday? It can’t only be Wednesday, can it? Is this today’s paper or yesterday’s?

    (Of course, I had my kids pre-internet.)

  • Laurel825

    2004/10/13 at 9:09 am

    As someone who is currently unemployed and dealing with a botched ‘do (luckily waves hide some sins,including Bay City Roller’s layers at the crown, stupid stylist!), and who thought of requesting another “Year in hair” bio-pic, thanks for the latest entry! She looks great with really short hair…and her spouse is right, “European”.

  • the mighty jimbo

    2004/10/13 at 9:26 am

    jon is becoming a regular internet hunk. if that whole computer thing doesn’t work out for him, i think he might have a career modeling infant accessories on the catwalk.

    someone get this man a baby bjorn in blue suede and he’s ready for milan!

  • Mir

    2004/10/13 at 9:28 am

    I think it’s the beard shadow that really makes that shot….

  • Moxie

    2004/10/13 at 9:49 am

    He appears to be wearing some type of hemorrhoidal toilet seat.

  • Anne

    2004/10/13 at 10:16 am

    Very nice. Some powdery latex gloves would be the perfect touch for Dr. Strangelove there.

  • charlotte

    2004/10/13 at 10:36 am

    now there’s a man.

  • Regan

    2004/10/13 at 10:40 am

    heehee! looks like a portable dinner tray.

    well…guess it kind of is! 😉

  • LadyBug

    2004/10/13 at 10:41 am

    Dooce,

    I stumbled across this today, and immediately thought of you. A history of your favorite word! Cracks me up!

    http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/history.htm

    LadyBug

  • espressocrazedboy

    2004/10/13 at 10:51 am

    Have you yet considered auctioning the baby on ebay?

  • KTP

    2004/10/13 at 10:59 am

    where do you find these things? (re: hair site)

  • Tracy

    2004/10/13 at 11:29 am

    OMG, I love the hair site. I also love that I recognized her son’s carseat (well, its a Cowmooflage print Britax, but I couldn’t tell you if it’s a Roundabout or Marathon). I am a carseat dweeb.

  • Laurie

    2004/10/13 at 11:39 am

    Man, you’re right! That man is HOT in glasses. 🙂

  • Fish

    2004/10/13 at 12:12 pm

    As a soon to be new father, I protest the posting of this picture. No sleep and traumatic, emotional times sometimes call for desperate measures. Please, do not ridicule us. If you prick us, do we not bleed?

  • dr. dave

    2004/10/13 at 12:15 pm

    I’m so glad we weren’t the only ones snapping digital pics and updating our websites before the kid was even “dry”. We have a pic of me holding my daughter in one arm while typing on my laptop in a hospital chair, and everyone makes fun of us for it.

    Dr. Dave

  • Jazzy

    2004/10/13 at 12:25 pm

    Are you sure it’s not a bib for catching alcohol? Just a thought, you could recycle that way.

  • DeAnn

    2004/10/13 at 12:26 pm

    Aw, I love pictures from the past.

    Jon is awfully scruffy. Could that be because a baby was just born?

    I hope that was the only time he wore that nursing pillow! If he made a habit out of it, people might start to think he’s weird.

  • Kathy

    2004/10/13 at 2:12 pm

    (regarding “Screaming Leta”) —

    Welcome to Leta’s quest for independence. This kid knows what she wants and will give you a run for your money every step of the way. Good luck! (but she’s still cute!)

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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