An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

All of this came out of my boobs


  • Dooce, you’re just hyper from all that cocaine that’s in the picture.

    Oh, wait, That’s not Cocaine!

  • Em

    Eeek! From the Boob of Dooce, enough to feed Utah! Do Mormons DO breastmilk? 🙂

  • Ewww… I totally don’t want to finish my cappuccino now! No offence or anything, I mean, the human body is an incredible thing, blah, blah, blah.

    Actually, I bet you could sell that on ebay!!!!

  • Molly

    Maybe you can use it for some of your holiday baking this year??

  • Colleen

    wow.. pretty impressive!
    I’m having a flashback to when I was serving on a criminal jury for cocaine possesion. When we went to deliberate, the cocaine was all over the table, just like that, for us 12 angry men and women to touch and pass around. I never saw so much cocaine in my life. Ditto for the breast milk pic of today.

  • Darling, I love you but, as a gay man, all i have to say to that picture is:
    Ewww. Ewww. Ewww.

  • Michael

    Dooce juice.

  • One Bird

    Ok, I really know that your meds are working because you are so calm about the fact that it is all expired. When I was nursing/pumping, if I had one bag of breastmilk that I had to throw away, I would cry for about 2 hours.

  • Nieuki

    My god, do they make special breast milk packs, or are those bags from your beloved Ziploc collection?

  • I’m currently breastfeeding and I can definitely appreciate that. Wow!

  • Did you already throw it away? Breastmilk in the freezer should keep for about six months! Send it to me! I have been pumping at work, and I think the performance anxiety is depleting my supply. Nothing like sitting at your desk on the computer hooked up to the pump like some freakish graphic designer cow.

  • What, exactly, would you have done with the breastmilk had it not, sadly, been “WAY expired?”

  • nadia

    ha-ha geez, I’m so not hungry now.

  • come on

    so, how long does it take for frozen breastmilk to expire anyways? (and is anyone else wondering about what appears to be giant LUMPS in that milk?)

    anyways, i’m impressed.

  • Nieuki – they do make special breast milk bags. You should see all the breast-feeding accessories you can get – it’s mind boggling. My favorite is the goofy bra-band thing designed for hands-free pumping. I swear it’s the most unattractive device ever designed for the human body.

  • Suckers. Oh, the puns…

  • By the way, dooce, I just read Jon’s most recent blurb.

    He’s a good guy.

  • beautifulmess

    kind of makes me want to have a baby just so MY boobs can have special powers, too.

  • sheyna

    omg…they look like little bags of crack!

  • i don’t know which was funnier, the fact that you gazumped people about the first comment, or that you called them suckers

    as for the picture, i, i don’t know what to say.

  • Not to get off topic about the breast milk, cause, um…wow, that’s a lot of breast milk. But, I too read Jon’s post and was unable to comment there so here,I’ll say that I second what Fish said. Jon IS a good guy.

  • sheyna

    not that i know what little bags of crack look like.

  • What is so gross about breastmilk? Or is it specifically breastmilk in bags?

    OF FRANCE!!!!

  • But if you heat them up, can a Morman baby drink them? Is it the same as slipping the unsuspecting child hot tea?!?
    Just wonderin’.

  • All that milk kind of makes me want a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats.

  • re: what to do with old breastmilk: Hollandaise sauce; biscuits & gravy; clam chowder; spackle; deck footings; brick mortar.

    Sorry, my grandparents grew up in the Depression. They never threw anything away.

  • Liz

    Oh…wow. Don’t know what else there is to say to THAT.

  • Sarah

    Oh! So sad that’s all expired! Breastmilk is like gold! All that time you spent pumping, just to have it go to waste. Bummer. I remember pumping, freezing it, and not ever needing it. But I only threw away like two bags… not as many as you!

  • Fish, if they hadn’t been WAY expired we would have mixed them vodka and kahlua and enjoyed a bounty of white russians. breast milk is very sweet.

  • d’yever shoot breastmilk for target practice, just to see how far it could go? No? Just me, eh?

  • I’m currently nursing/working/pumping, and I’ve got about that much breastmilk in MY freezer. When I weaned my oldest daughter (now 7), I ended up throwing away about 28 bags of breastmilk. I could’ve fed a small third-world country!

    Oh, and since no one (that I saw, anyway) has said this yet….

    Got milk?

    God bless,

  • what i find most funny is that they’re in whirlpacks, the same whirlpacks my parents (a biologist and a paleoecologist) use for collecting field samples. so. yes. that’s the first time i’ve ever seen something other than fruit fly bait, plant specimens, or bolivian lake mud in one of those bags. and it’s kind of creepy.

  • tinygirl

    you should have tried making yoghurt with that. or cheese. (:

  • DOOCE JUICE had me crackin’ up.

    Kudos, Dooce, for being the first comment.
    I can never seem to get the Dooce Effect just right–it always ends up blurring the details too much.
    *sigh* i shall go and practice like a good little minion of Dooce.

    (and i told your husband he’s wonderful.)

  • Breastmilk mixer hangovers suck.

  • Oh, Lauren! I used to shoot my husband in the face from across the room. Hmm….he never thought it was as funny as I thought it was. And, I’m sure he’d just LOVE the fact that I’m sharing this info here.

  • stella

    when I read the title of the email before seeing the picture, I thought I’d see a pic of rice and cabbage.

  • JM

    To a pumping/nursing mom, breastmilk in the freezer is like treasure stashed away. I went back to work when my daughter was 6 months old and literally half of our freezer was frozen breastmilk. I had close to 300 oz. and I was hording it like crazy. “WHAT?? YOU THAWED 6 OZ. BUT ONLY GAVE HER 4?? I’M CALLING MY LAWYER…”

  • Wow — that’s a lot of milk. Boobs are marvelous things. That’s why men worship us. 🙂

  • Does this give new meaning to the term “funbags”?

  • laura

    FYI from
    Breastmillk can be stored in the freezer section of your refrigerator that has a separate door for up to 3 months.

    Breastmilk can be stored in an upright or chest freezer at a constant temperature of 0 degrees (Fahrenheit) for 6 to 12 months.

    Inquiring minds…

    I haven’t had the heart to throw out the stuff left in my freezer. All those hard fought ounces…

  • nadia

    Lady Bug: I’m from a small third-world country and…thanks but no thanks.

  • Nadia, that was funny.

  • laura

    so your banner was telling the truth then…..

    the one that said “my milkshake is better than yours”


  • Nadia: I wasn’t offering, ’cause, well…ewwww.

  • Brooke

    Oh. Oh my.

  • Yesterday a woman got on the city bus with an uncovered styrofoam cup. The driver told her the rules said she had to dump it, but when the passenger told her it was breast milk, she let her keep it – first time I’ve seen compassion from these drivers. Good for them.

    Hey, here’s a good (but scary, a bit) book about breast milk and other mother things: Having Faith: an ecologist’s journey to motherhood, by Sandra Steingraber.

  • Benoit

    It looks like they would now what to do with all that milk… IN FRANCE!!!!

  • My boobs are impressed.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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