An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Go, Dog! Go!

Our friends Pat and Rebecca gave Leta a series of Dr. Seuss books that are small and made of thick and durable cardboard so she can bite them without destroying them. These books are awesome on so many levels, and I hate that phrase, “on so many levels,” because too many people looking for The One on reality television shows say that about how they have connected with someone they’ve only spent two minutes with. But these books, really, there are just levels and levels to their awesomeness.

One of these books is about dogs and how they need to GO! And it doesn’t matter how they get there, they can go by skates or car or blimp or bike, they just need to get their little dogs asses in gear and get there! And on the first page of this book all the dogs are in a GIGANTIC bed together, like, this HUGE bed with a headboard and a duvet, and it is so big that it has to be bigger than a California King. I bet it’s like a Northern Hemisphere King, big enough so that all these dogs can sleep together and cuddle.

And throughout the book these dogs are going. And boy, are they going. They are going so fast that they have little motion lines around their ears and tails. And just when you think they can’t go any further THEY FINALLY GET THERE. And people, do you know where they end up? DO YOU KNOW? They end up at a DOG PARTY, on top of A TREE. And there is cake at this party, and jump ropes, and a trampoline, and party hats, ALL ON TOP OF THE TREE. One dog is even being shot out of a cannon, they are tree partying SO HARD.

I read this book to Leta over and over again just so I can get to the part where they are in the tree and they are partying. She has no idea what is going on, and little does she know that I am reading her a history of my early twenties.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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