An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

The beginnings of The Beard

  • Re: “Jon Flavored Pop Tarts.”

    Am I the only one truly, TRULY grossed out by this? What, exactly, would the the ingredients for such a thing? And why, pray tell, am I now thinking about it?

    … or maybe I’m the only one who thinks with the brain of a 12 year old kid.

  • Sheryl

    Yeah Fish, and my parents always said “Don’t play with your food!”

    Like a thing’s either a food or a toy but not both.



    I thought all “boys” thought with 12 yr old brains!!!! LOL – kidding!

  • Master of the Obvious

    “Don’t!… drown!… your food!!”
    Schoolhouse Rock

  • I want to look at a man and want to eat him alive. Personally, I don’t think I have ever looked at a man and felt that way. Jealous….

  • robin

    I bet after 4 hours of raking, his fingers were stuck that way.

  • meilaan

    Hey, have you ever heard of neti pots? They keep coming up in my coworkers’ conversations lately. I’m kind of grossed out, like, in a circus freak kind of way.

  • John is reminding me of Fozie with a beard in this picture. I can hear him say, “Yo, Dooce {{finger-snap}}come-ear! All he needs is a leather!

  • Oh jeeze, that was supposed to read FoNzie, from happy days not Fozie from the muppets! sorry


    I checked out the Neti pots….groooossss, yuck! Loved the picture of the girl using one! Does your co-worker really use one? Does anyone?

  • No one understands my Associate Reformed Presbyterian (read: southern tight-ass) hymns, either.

    I’m starting to feel that I should maybe break my blogging anonymity clause and post pictures of myself and my boyfriend… I’m feeling a need to hear how cute I am/we are from complete strangers…

  • I think he kinda looks like Chuck Norris. In a good way.

  • I’m thinking he put you up to posting that picture. Nothing perks you up like a jillion people making virtual animal noises at you. Plus it’s good fodder for future altercations. “Oh yeah? Well, Blogomama said she’d take me in a New York minute, so there!”

  • jw

    When you’re finished with him, can I have him?

  • Leon as the lowest common denominator

    I would have thought this had already been used

    “Heather, come over here and pull my finger”

    And now for something completely different

    A robotic pooper (I figured this group would apprecitae it)

  • Danika

    Hmm I also disagree with him looking like Luke from GG. Other than the beard I just don’t see it. I do agree that he looks a lot like Jason Lee though.

  • I can see Luke from Gilmore Girls, but Jon’s in better shape and has all of his hair. and I agree with Karen: another lesbian for reconvening!

  • Russ

    Nice ass. Oops, I was projecting.. Sorry.

  • -shrug- I also agree with the Jason Lee comments, but in this picture, he reminds me alot of Robert Dinero in City By The Sea.

  • AndreaBT

    In my defense! (of thinking I was the first poster…) I actually chuckle when I think that there might be people who sit waiting to be first, but for me, I just happened to notice…that there were no comments yet when I had finished admiring Dooce’s hunky husband! Hence my comment “No way am I first”, and as I then noticed, that was indeed correct 🙂

  • Katy

    Jon is H-O-T.

    I musn’t covet my neighbors (well, internet-wise) husband.

  • hayley

    he looks like JASON LEE!! oh, that means hot by the way.

  • Tracy

    Dooce, I wouldn’t worry about it… Don’t they say that dogs’ mouths are cleaner than humans’ mouths? Maybe it’s Chuck who should be horrified.

    Then again, humans don’t tend to consider cat poop a delicacy.

  • Marti

    He is a handsome man.

  • Yummy.

  • Do they make Jon Flavored Pop Tarts? Not for me, for Dooce. She needs some Jon Flavered Pop Tarts like now. He is one cute geek.

  • I thought I am the only beard addict, but Gosh there are hundreds imitators! 😛

  • “I’m female and I think he ‘looks fine’ (as in looks just ok, normal, glad Dooce is happy) but I don’t got the rush of hormones I guess, either. Never do with a photo.

    For me, it takes more than simple rugged good looks and stillshots of cinematically malleable facial expression and hand gestures…”

    Thank you, Sheryl.

    Apart from your message (and select few others), these comments sound like a high school locker room…

    Then again, I’m probably jealous of the good looks and full beard – MOUSTACHE, WHY WON’T YOU CONNECT?!

  • Danika

    I saw a lady walking a dog this morning on my way to work and I swear she looked EXACTLY like Heather and the dog looked EXACTLY like Chuck!!!

  • everyone keeps this up and heather will need a wide angle lens to fit his head in the next photo.

  • Very nice photo of the hubs. You two make a very handsome couple.
    I wanted to give you this link… because I saw it and thought of you…

    You must own this shirt, it is screaming for you. 🙂

  • Oh, and because I am retarded, here is the actual site…

  • I have seen only one picture of my DF’s unfortunate experiment with a beard. It is not an experiment either of us wish to reproduce! But Jon looks like he’s got a good one going on. Mrowr.

  • Ilva

    way hotter than the Gilmore’s guy!!! More like Aidan from Sex in the City.. HOT!!!

  • He kinda looks like Robert DeNiro.

  • Amanda B.

    “NO David Duchovny! You can NOT have Mango!”

  • jm

    1) Jon! My, my, my, my, my. His Royal Hotnessssss. Purrrrrr.

    2) I am biased because my hot, super tall spouse has a beard and uses power tools. All of which LIGHT MY FIRE! S.E.X.Y. S.C.R.U.F.F.Y T.A.L.L. Yum.

    3) It is funny to note that the first time my 7 year old niece kissed my husband goodnight on the cheek, she skipped up to him, leaned in for the peck, then backed up with this look on her face of “AWWWAAGGGHHHHHH!” She’d never kissed the cheek of a bearded man before. We thought she was going to either cry or hurl. I told her that she would understand when she was older. Leta doesn’t mind, no?

    4) If it is good enough for The Senator, it is fine for Leta. I ate my dog’s biscuits when I was a tiny girl, and nothing happened to me. If you get ANY email from that post, just forward them to my address because they deserve a reality bitchslap.

    5) Now I am hungry for tacos. What is UP with that?

  • Sheryl

    Dana, you could try the licking thing, and then if it didn’t go over well, just tell him he had some bearclaw crumbs or salad dressing there (wherever you licked him) and you were just trying to help out…

  • Maybe you should try “Jesus wants me for a SUUUUUUN-BEAM!”

  • Michael

    I would say “Luke” from Gilmore Girls.

  • MrsDoF

    Four Hours to rake leaves?!
    You need to get a mulching mower. The leaves just disappear, and the yard is so green when Spring comes again.
    Although watching a man’s shoulders while he is raking….

  • Mir

    Hosanna in the highest! 😉

  • Liz

    OK now that I’ve regained my composure, I would have to say that I think he looks more like Luke from Gilmore Girls than anyone else I can think of… I’m surprised no one mentioned it before!

  • Michael’s got it!

    not that I admit to watching that sappy, un-manly show …

    Okay, okay, my wife makes me watch it…

    the dog ate my homework …

    … aww crap.

  • Liz

    Or I guess I could REFRESH and see that Michael beat me to it… Anyway, hooray for hot guys with stubble-type beards! I just love a guy with a bit of facial hair 😉

  • DM

    There’s this guy I know that I may or may not want to lick (although I am leaning more towards the yes, God, please give me the opportunity). Yeah, he’s doing the beard thing for winter. And I am seriously thinking about tackling him in the copy room. Which is bad. Bad Dana! Bad!

  • DM

    Oh, yeah, I was going to add that the beard is very hot. Sorry.

  • he is hott. h.o.t.t.

  • Sheryl

    “You people — if there’s not a movie about it, it’s not worth knowing!”

    Now that you mention Dogma…
    a movie line and a meta-joke in one.

  • I think I need to get me a Nikon D70, until I can afford a Canon dRebel anyway.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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