Heater, Mother of Lance

She knows how to speed dial

  • Red

    2004/12/07 at 5:33 am


  • Laura C.

    2004/12/07 at 5:33 am

    Speed dial rocks, and so does Leta.

  • Whoopsie

    2004/12/07 at 5:33 am

    one of the best toys ever!!

  • the original kp

    2004/12/07 at 5:34 am

    awww so cute!

  • wendee

    2004/12/07 at 5:34 am

    It’s amazing how much babies LOVE phones!!

  • Angie

    2004/12/07 at 5:34 am

    Leta would make a great Bond villain with an expression like that!

  • red

    2004/12/07 at 5:34 am

    the new pictures of Leta are SO CUTE.

  • Martha

    2004/12/07 at 5:35 am

    LOL She almost looks posessed.

  • Deenzadrine

    2004/12/07 at 5:35 am

    Still melting from the adorableness of the 10 month newsletter photos… sigh…

  • Cheryl

    2004/12/07 at 5:35 am

    I would check and see if she is calling her boyfriend… and she isn’t allowed to date until AFTER she’s married. Leta is too adorable for words.

  • Sarah

    2004/12/07 at 5:35 am

    Good GOD, Woman. Your daughter is just fucking gorgeous. I seriously feel nauseus from the cuteness, what with the unbelievable pictures in the 10-month newsletter!

    And by the way, screaming SHUUUUUTT UUUUP is an excellent release. It’s far better than tossing the kid out the window of a moving vehicle, which is what most of us want to do.

  • Molly

    2004/12/07 at 5:36 am

    Too Cute!! She looks like she is in Heaven!!

    “Hey, Yo! Pizza man, my dog Chuck here is wondering where his Pizza is..”

    BTW: I love those sheets or that quilt or whatever it is.. it looks comfy..

  • sab

    2004/12/07 at 5:37 am

    she’s so damn cute!

  • christy

    2004/12/07 at 5:38 am

    Phones and remotes – they’re like baby crack. And don’t try to substitute the children’s toy versions. They know they’re not the real thing.

  • Beth

    2004/12/07 at 5:38 am

    Between the newsletter and this picture, the ovaries have TOTALLY been hammered.


  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    2004/12/07 at 5:38 am

    One look at the thumbnail for this picture, and all I could think was “Alien penis! Alien penis!”

    Maybe Leta could speed dial me some counseling?

  • Jodi

    2004/12/07 at 5:39 am

    Speed dial is a wonderful thing, except when you have relatives in another country and in an attempt to keep your sanity while calling them and having to dial 14 digits and then some, you program it in. Then you have your niece over for the afternoon and she doesn’t know about the calling card for long distance and she calls Aunt Mary in Japan – and you’re thinking how cute it is that she’s pretending to call Aunt Mary and how good she is at holding a conversation – wow, wait until I tell my sister how cute this is!? Then you get your phone bill, $367 later you forgot what was so cute about letting a 2 year old play with a phone in the first place …

  • Mrs.Stray

    2004/12/07 at 5:39 am

    Holy shit she looks down right meniacal! I think I just spelled that wrong.

    I would be scared if I were you. Very, very scared.

  • PoeticaL

    2004/12/07 at 5:39 am

    “Grandmommie??? Grandmommie???? Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?”

  • Sue From Ohio

    2004/12/07 at 5:39 am

    It’s amazing…she always has that little mischievous grin when you get pictures of her doing some things. Almost like she knows maybe she shouldn’t be doing it.

    Oh and on the telling her ‘No’ thing, don’t worry aout it…it’s to keep her safe. I know it’s not easy but I know far too many parents that seem to let their 3 year olds tell THEM what to do…and using big words to tell her ‘no’ will only IMPROVE her vocabulary 🙂

  • Rose

    2004/12/07 at 5:40 am

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for another beautiful picture and poignant 10-month letter. You make me laugh, you make me cry, you give complete strangers a lift every single day.
    I trust that the doobie-smoking Santa has been evacuated from your mother’s home?
    May you have a wonderful holiday season.

  • Colleen from NJ

    2004/12/07 at 5:42 am

    She’s on her way to gadget geekdom. It starts out with a simple love of pushing buttons.

    You know, I never thought I’d yell so much as a mom. But DAMN IT, IT WORKS WHEN NOTHING ELSE DOES.

    Wait until you develop the stern “Leta……!!!” voice.

  • Dr. Johnny Fever

    2004/12/07 at 5:44 am

    Call me, Leta. We’ll go out and get some Cheerios or something.

  • ChickenFlicken

    2004/12/07 at 5:51 am

    I have twins, and when they’d get cranked up in the backseat…

    (yes, that high-pitched squealing scream IN STEREO!!! Dazzling!!)

    …not only would I do the long drawn-out shut up battle yell, I would also turn the music up really loud. Because I’m really mean to my kids, that’s why.

  • kim

    2004/12/07 at 5:51 am

    she’s a woman with a phone in her hands – of course she’s happy.. duh!

  • Jodi

    2004/12/07 at 5:54 am

    Just wait until she dials 911! My daughter did that while playing with the phone when she was 6 months old. I didn’t realize it and just hung up the phone.

    The 911 operator called me back and asked if everything was alright. I was incredibly confused and then realized what had happened. I told the operator my daughter must have dialed it. She said, “Well don’t punish her. We don’t want her to be afraid to call if she ever needs to use 911.” I suppressed my laugh and said okay.

    The joys of kids! 🙂

  • Chris

    2004/12/07 at 5:54 am

    If Leta is speed dialing now, I’d say make sure 911 isn’t programmed in but the pizza place IS! (Chuck asked me to say that)

  • Chris

    2004/12/07 at 5:57 am

    Heather, we have the same baby. I swear. The screaming, the face clawing, the not putting weight on the legs, the magazine shredding. My son will be ten months next week.

    This is freaky. Oh, I started saying NO three days ago. He laughs and lunges for the forbidden object anyway. So, good luck.

    We should make sure never to get them both in the same state at once, for a start.

  • Rosalie

    2004/12/07 at 5:58 am

    hit up my cell, leta!

  • Circus Kelli

    2004/12/07 at 6:00 am

    That is a GREAT photo!

    My 2-1/2 year old loves the “hello”, but only our 1 year old has turned it on and started dialing…

  • kgrp

    2004/12/07 at 6:02 am

    um… she matches the bedspread! what’s up with that?!

  • Em

    2004/12/07 at 6:03 am


  • Russ

    2004/12/07 at 6:05 am

    The Scream has been well documented, but has it been recorded? Not for any cutesy purpose like an interactive scrap book, but more for payback. Save it for when she’s a teenager and instead of waking her up in the morning with the Maternal War Cry (you all know what I mean.. the sound of a mother yelling to wake her kids up in the morning..my ears bleed just thinking about it..).. Instead you can have the pleasure of waking her up to her own screaming as you play it over and over again till she gets out of bed … Think of the fun you can have when she gets her first hangover… MWAH HAH HAH HAH… Victory shall be yours.

  • beachgal

    2004/12/07 at 6:08 am

    How adorable. She’s so darn cute. And the no thing gets better. Before I used to have to say it a hundred times for my son to quit whatever he was doing. Now it only takes one, sometimes two. And I’m so glad I’m not the only one who sometimes yells at their child. I feel horrible after I’ve done it but sometimes it’s the only thing that breaks through and makes him stop screaming. Love you Dooce!

  • Circus Kelli

    2004/12/07 at 6:08 am

    Russ — you are a genius! I LOVE that idea!

    Sometimes, rather than screaming in retaliation to the screaming (and with three kids, there is a LOT of screaming going on already) I will begin to hum “It’s a Small World” or some other catchy little ditty. Sometimes it works. Other times, I just yell “That’s ENOUGH!” which stuns them for a moment — long enough for me to decide what to do next.

    Good luck!

  • Jennifer

    2004/12/07 at 6:09 am

    shit….you mean they don’t grow out of the car-seat screaming by 10 months??? Fuck me, my daughter is only 5 months old and screaming back at her doesn’t help, I’ve tried…

  • LadyBug

    2004/12/07 at 6:09 am

    I’m not usually one of the “cutest baby EVER” types, but those pics in the newsletter? Just…stunning.
    I’m also not usually one of the “your newsletter made me cry” types, but I’ve been an emotional wreck lately; and your newsletter did, indeed, bring me to tears. What a sweet treasure for lovely Leta.

    God bless,

  • sweetney

    2004/12/07 at 6:10 am

    leta’s thinking: “soon i will take over THE WORLD!!! mooohooohahahaha!!!” (<---mad scientist laugh)

  • Mrs.Stray

    2004/12/07 at 6:12 am

    LMAO Dr.Fever

  • juuuuuuu

    2004/12/07 at 6:13 am

    jennifer – they never grow out of that car screaming thing! I still do it now…
    On a telophony trip – my sone is never happier than when he has my mobile in his hands and he’s pressing last number redial. What a dude

  • Anita

    2004/12/07 at 6:14 am


    Dude. Great letter and what a great human wonderful Mom you are.

    Does the Baaaaah scream sound accusatory? That’s what we’re getting now. An accusatory scream filled with baby cuss words. If we could translate, it would all be bleeps. But it’s something along the lines of YOU STUPID F*CKING PEOPLE! WHERE ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING EXACTLY WHAT I WANT? YOU ARE IDIOTS and I HATE YOU!!! COME HERE NOW!!!! LET ME SCREAM AT YOU RIGHT IN YOUR FACES!!!

    It’s adorable (!).

  • Carolyn J.

    2004/12/07 at 6:15 am

    It’s time to set up a Dial Leta Hotline, where we can listen to her screams for only $4.95 per minute. Call 1-407-865-476-LETA.

  • august95

    2004/12/07 at 6:16 am

    She is so sweet, you could eat her with a spoon

  • TracyDee

    2004/12/07 at 6:17 am

    Way too cute…:) are those teeth I see?

  • Liz

    2004/12/07 at 6:19 am

    Hehe, buttons, buttons! Has she discovered the remote(s) yet?

  • Cece

    2004/12/07 at 6:19 am

    Dooce…those eyes…in the newsletter picture…your daughter is so beautiful!

  • lavonne

    2004/12/07 at 6:25 am

    last night, nbc showed some never-before-seen video of princess diana in which, among other fascinating things, she sternly told her offscreen 8-year-old princeling, “Harry, SIT.” i loved it.

  • Whoopsie

    2004/12/07 at 6:32 am

    When my now 9 year old daughter was just under a year old, I let her play with the cordless phone in the same way. When she lost her interest in it and tossed it aside, I realized she’d managed to turn it on. Uh oh…I turned it off and it promptly rang…”Hello, this is 911 emergency. We received a call from this number. Is everyone okay in your residence?” ack!

  • Eric

    2004/12/07 at 6:32 am

    My mom calls that kind of hair “frog fur”. Some of us don’t outgrow it. When unwashed, it looks “like it was combed with buttered toast.”

  • cee

    2004/12/07 at 6:36 am

    let’s hope she won’t take an interest in that awesome camera you’re always holding out in front of her…….

1 2 3 4

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more