Welcome to my online shrine to parental self-absorption!

The Book of Revelations forgot to mention this, but the fact that two of the most anal-retentive, perfectionist and nervous people on the planet were able to host 30 people including children under the age of accountability in their home — there were kids, in my living room, EATING ICE CREAM ON MY PERSIAN RUG WITH THEIR HANDS — that Jon and I made it through the day without experiencing cardiac arrest or any ruptured blood vessels, well, people, this TOTALLY means that the Second Coming of Jesus Christ is nigh unto us.

Jesus, he’s gonna knock on your door. Are you ready?