the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Bourne nightmare

Last night I had a dream that I was at a celebration party right after the Red Sox won the World Series. I was holding Leta and both of us had really blonde hair, and the person throwing the party came up to us and said, “Your hair. It’s too blonde. You’re too blonde to be a true Red Sox Fan.” And then he motioned for a bouncer to come and throw both Leta and me out.

I was stunned and didn’t understand, so I asked, “Too blonde? What does that mean?”

And he screamed at me, “YOU’RE NOT A TRUE RED SOX FAN! GET OUT!”

But I don’t give up that easily, so I screamed back at him, “WHAT ABOUT MATT DAMON?”

Except, I screamed that out loud, in my sleep. I woke up Jon who asked back, “Who is Matt Dean?”

I didn’t answer him because I didn’t want the dream to end, I wanted to make my point, but it was too late. The dream was gone and I couldn’t get it back. I never got to make my point. So I’m going to make my point: “WHAT ABOUT MATT DAMON?”

I think I am now going to ask that question anytime there is a lull in a conversation because if you think about it, what about Matt Damon?

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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