the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors hot drinks

I was on the phone last night with Beth when she told me about taking her kids to a park and then to a coffee shop afterward. She said, “I had my BlackBerry,” when I interrupted her.

“BLACKBERRY? YOU HAVE A BLACKBERRY?” And then I yelled to Jon who was on the floor with Leta, “Beth has a fucking BlackBerry.”

Beth continued, “BlackBerry Sage T, that’s what I had.” At least, that’s how those words looked in my head: Blackberry Sage T. I don’t know anything about BlackBerries only that I guess they’re hip with the kids these days, especially New York City dwelling kids who are heir to hotel fortunes and resemble processed cheese, so I thought that maybe the Sage T was a top of the line model.

“She has a BlackBerry Sage T, Jon. I should have known it.” Beth, man, she and that family have top of the line everything.

At this point in the conversation Beth remembered that she was speaking to a dork and she corrected me, “Blackberry sage TEA, Heather. T-E-A.”

“Oh. So you don’t have a BlackBerry?”

“No,” she laughed. “But you really should be this enthusiastic about my tea more often.”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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