the smell of my desperation has become a stench

I think she remembers how many I ate when she was in my tummy

Just now at brunch I gave Leta my pickle spear to nibble on so that I could shove a entire burger into my mouth before having to transition into Operation: Protect Other Patrons from Flying Foodstuffs. Much to our amazment she ate the entire pickle spear. The whole thing. All of it. And then she started moose-grunting for more.

On the ride home Jon remarked, “I can’t believe how fast she pounded that pickle.”


More blinking.

“That didn’t sound right, did it?” he asked.


Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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