An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

2nd South looking west


    Bucky took pictures. Try THIS:

  • Pokey doesn’t lie. There is actual photographic evidence:

    Like a horse.

  • Pokey, stop lookin’ over my shoulder, you rude rude horsie.


    Thank you, Bucky. They weren’t believing me. Now everyone will want THIS.

  • Muffy

    You know, I hate to say this, but the whole Pokey thing, well, it’s getting old.
    Wasnt there a recent post about something not being cute the 2nd or 400th time?

    Poop never gets old.
    It just turns white after the flies eat all the organic matter.


    You hurt me deeply. Look how this has shriveled.

  • Oh, Muffy, now you’ve made Pokey all sad and only partially tumescent.

    Thank god there’s more room to breathe in here now! There’s a lot more overhead to horse dick than one might imagine.

  • Muffy, So do iccees! well after you suck all the flavah out!


  • Muffy

    I feel like I’m about to get stoned. Is everyone picking out their favorite jagged rock?

    OUCH! Hey now!


    (reviving) Look nice in those chaps, Bucky…and Muffy really did HATE to say that…

    IT’s BACK!!!!

  • Muffy

    I;m gonna go and have a smoke while the boss is out.
    Feel free to cyberstone me while my defenses are down…


    Okay, really, what sound does a spritely erection make?

    zzzzzzzip FUMP!

    Any other suggestions? Really, if you were to draw a cartoon boner springin’ into action, what sound would you put on it?

  • Heather’s picture today truly rocks. And I SO did think that it was going to be a Scrabble board. And now I can’t get Downtown Self Storage out of my head since Bucky turned it into an ass euphemism.

    Here, Muffy! Let me throw my kidney stones at you!

  • Muffy

    Before I go…
    Anyone see Amityville yet?
    Well, the guy who plays the lead is like a cheap rip-off of Ben Affleck, and the main female lead looks just like a younger, pre-basic instict Sharon Stone…
    So through the entire movie, I’m sitting there thinking…Is that Ben Affleck? Is THAT Sharon Stone.

    Like when I saw the movie “The Frighteners” (good movie actually). There was this chick that looked JUST LIKE Andie McDowell… In fact, I think her resume actually says “Looks Just Like Andie McDowell”

    Okay. Im gonna go smoke. Discuss.

  • I’m partial to the zzzzzip fump or the Boing! But if you wanted to take a more original approach, maybe “Sha-ZAM!”

  • #105 Muffy – na na nah. I disagree!
    I’m find Pokey more fun now than ever! Everytime I see the capitalized “THIS” I’m cracking up.
    And best of all is I’m starting to VISUALIZE. 😉

  • There are quite a few onomatopoeias that you could use for a spritely erection. Other than “Sha-ZAM!”, how about “Beep Beep” – like the roadrunner. Or even “bonk bonk”, like a bicycle horn, or those annoying horns that clowns honk.


    I’m visualizing you, too, Chez:)

    Oh, they’re bringing me some oats! Gotta go! Gotta keep my strength up! Wielding THIS takes a lot out of me…

  • oo00oo I wake up today to erections

  • Oh, like that’s the first time, Jess.

    As if.

  • Big deal. I wake up to them every day, Jessica.


    But Nilbo, not like THIS!

    Oh, more oats!!!!

  • To clarify: I wake up to ONE erection every day.

    To further clarify: my own.

    Carry on.

  • Thanks, Nilbo, you’ve just removed the pictures that were startin’ up in my mind.

    Now…what time did you say you wake up?

  • Why? Wanna have breakfast? Shall I call you … or nudge you?

  • greenie’s the only regular commenter I know who could one-up you there, Nilbo

  • I don’t want one-up, thanks, Susie, my dear. Greenie can make his own call on that topic. And, I suppose, has.

  • Salt Lake can be a confusing city at first.

  • Annabelle

    omg, there are less than 150 comments and it’s almost 3 EST- amazing.

  • Yeah, Annabelle … everybody’s shagged out from commenting on Susie’s post yesterday. Woman got over 100 comments … including a visit from a big celebrity …

  • Muffy

    Wow. Noone stoned me. I love it here. Everyone is smart, and polite. Good grammar, sharp wit, I’m in heaven.

    Off topic, but totally dooce related…I just checked out Heather and Jon’s elopacious pics from their wedding in Yosemite… So beautiful. I hope my wedding pics come out just as fabulous. Who am I kidding, I’m just hoping my bridesmaid makes it to the chapel on time, my veil comes in before we leave for vegas, etc etc…
    Heather, you got it right. Elope.
    We would have, but hey, Mom paid for our flights. Who can argue with that?

  • Yeah, Nilbo, I think the booty flies done us all in. I keep wettin’ every pair of pants I own when I think about it.

  • Gah! tears. welling. up. in. eyes.

    You have no idea how thankful I am that you are still around so you can share those types of moments with me.

    You are the wind beneath my wings.

  • Muffy

    Nilbo…Who was the celebrity? I tried to check out the comments, but got an error message.
    I feel so out of the loop.

  • amazing yellow sky/clouds and really good edges on the bldgs – nice!

  • RazDreams

    nilbo (#130): i get an error when trying to view susie’s comments from yesterday on her site. 🙁 also, cried when i read your entry from yesterday. _*hugs*_

  • LeafGirl77

    I’m able to pull the comments up on Susie’s page.

  • RazDreams

    BFE (#132): *That’s* why you need your assless chaps, girl!

  • Raz, I knew there had to be practicality in them thar chaps.

    Not to mention the feel of the wind beneath my cheeks…

  • RazDreams

    leafgirl77: i’m still getting a java servlet error. 🙁 sux.

  • #134 – ROSIE O FUCKING DONNELL, y’all! That’s who commented on Susie’s blog yesterday!

  • (sorry if I just ruined the surprise – it was just really damn cool)

  • RazDreams

    nuh-uh, kelli, no way, nu-uh. are you _*serious*_?! kewl. thought they were talkin’ about dooce herself. 😉

  • Oh wow, looks like a painting.

    Your April 26th blog entry was just…beautiful.

  • RazDreams

    (and, uh, girl, i *do* so much know how to spell your name. duh. i have a friend named kelli. you’re kelly. i’m a doof.)


    Apparently Nilbo dropped Susie’s link at Rosie’s blog, and she read the post and then commented. Said Susie was funny. ROSIE SAID SUSIE WAS FUNNY!!! I think Susie about shit her pants. I know I would have. 🙂

  • It’s all good, Raz. So this is weird: I dreamed about you last night. I don’t know what you look like, but in my dream I knew that the person I was talking to was you. We had a nice convo, although it was cut short by my alarm clock.

    I swear I’m not stalking you.

  • Muffy

    Rosie O’Donnell? She’s a celebrity? For a second, I thought Heather threw in her 2 cents. Now Heather is a celebrity.

  • The Warden

    Dooce, I love your site, love your photos. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading about your family. I am so thankful that you are talking openly about depression and parenthood. I can relate to so much of what you say.
    I checked out the kitchen remodel section last night. Your kitchen is gor-ge-ous!

  • Granted, Heather is quite the celebrity. And Heather does get more comments on her blog than Rosie does on hers, so at least in the blog world I suppose Heather is a bigger star.

    Still, it’s ROSIE O FUCKING DONNELL. Sorry, I’m a fan.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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