An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

15 mos.

  • Jessica, nice!

  • Torrie, they always find my site through “fat housewife porn” searches. they never seem to stay long, wonder why?

  • How does site meter work? I have a counter on my site, but it doesn’t tell me how people got to my site.

  • The two searches that find me most, Cinderella snapping pussy, which I have no idea what that means, and voice immodulation.

  • Katie, go to my blog and click on the site meter. It will take you to their homepage and you can set one up for your blog.

  • Oh, my God. Could she be any more beautiful. Your post yesterday about her meltdowns was precious. Leta RULES !!

  • lol Muffy – you’ll be fine! You’ll be organized and ready for the trip. Even if you don’t remember everything, there are stores wherever you go. No worries!!!

  • wn

    Hi Dooce, don’t post very often, but read almost every day.

    Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your newsletters.

    It’s very cool that there’s a whole community out here in blogosphere that sincerely cares about your child’s development.

    Leta: It’s like she’s an extended neice or something.

    Looks like she’ll be walking soon!

  • Henryk_

    ……..did I mention the burning sensation as the dye was injected rather quickly into your vein?

  • MollieBee

    She’s so cool, congrats on 15 months Leta!

  • she’s looking at meeeeee! ok. maybe not. but you can tell the monkeys in her head are planning ‘something’. beautiful Leta.

  • Val


  • Kids provoke intense love and at times intense frunstration. Enjoy the ride.

  • Henry what are you talking about?

    And how can I make a dirty monkey reference when Tracy says there are monkeys in Letas head????


  • just checkin’ in…to behold one more time, the total cuteness that is Leta

  • Sounds like Leta might like a playhouse with doors and windows that open and close. And for extra protection, pad the insides.

  • Henryk_

    #21>>>”Heather, you need to frame that one. It has a very “classic” quality about it.” ??? A nice lookin bubby, but a classic pic??? I don’t think so. A pic ordinairre me thinks!

  • And it is $6.95 a month!

  • KTP

    No fair. I am 3 weeks postpartum and still unpredictably emotional. I logged on today for a quick laugh, but instead I wound up crying. Again.

  • Lovely black and white picture of Leta.

    Thank you for allowing us to peek in on Leta’s progress into toddlerhood. She’s quite adorable!

  • Henryk_

    Katie b b a w , an IVP? > a torture devised by a medicine man!! With the funny metalic taste at the back of your throat and if you are truly unfortunate, the compression binder across your lower abdomen. TG I have never had one done on me, it was stressful just doing them on you poor unfortunate patients!

  • Torrie, I found your site searching for hot housewives who need boobie luvin, you were #1 on the search oddly enough…

  • Very cute, but you already knew that 🙂

    Beautiful letter to your child. They grow up very quickly, trust me. Everyone always told me that, but I never believed it. Especially when my oldest wouldn’t stop screaming, and this was long past the screaming stage,too. Later you’ll wish this stage had been longer.
    Also, my middle child walked at around this age. Everyone has their own schedule.
    Beautiful child, beautiful mom.

  • She’s starting to look a lot like you Heather. 🙂

  • I have to pay $6.95 to be able to have the option to see the searches in Site Meter? I just put it on my site, and when I went to check out my account, it says you have to pay to see that shit.

  • I just put Site Meter on my blog.
    I can’t wait to see what weird google serches people find my site through.

    I can only imagine…

  • searches.


  • Amanda

    I love the picture. She is beautiful and I love the black and white. 🙂

  • On Saturday my daughter peed on my foot…just another adventure in potty training.

    Torrie: Site meter is ware.

  • This has probably alreadybeen addressed, but I’m still chuckling my waythrough the comments….

    I’m assuming this picture was taken after Leta purposefully tripped her mother in a fit of 15 month old sneakiness.

    She’s got this look like, “Yeah I tripped you. And?”

  • mari

    I hope Heather is watching Oprah today. Apparently the entire show is dedicated to poop!

  • Leta, Leta, bobeta, bananafanafofeta, memymometa, Leta. Hey, every kid should have their name, namegamed at least once! Happy 15th month Leta.

    Heather, my 3 1/2 year old had the terrible twos early. Between months 13 and 19. She also grew out of them early at month 19. Here’s hoping Leta will too!

  • Bucky, I keep telling you, if you continue to shame me about that incident, you’re going to set my potty training waaaaaaay back. It won’t be pretty.

    Coskel, I drank that with my cereal this morning!

  • I think Leta is looking more like Heather now. Especially in the first photo on today’s post. She has that totally unamused look on her face that reminds me of Heather. I am sure as she ages she will start looking more and more like Mommy.

  • I love this shaggy indie rock thing she has going. I’ve been alive for 21 years and still can’t get the “hip” thing down, and she nails it at 15 months. Go Leta!

  • I sea monkeys everywhere,
    Seamonkeys in Bucky’s hair,
    They seem to be the friendly type,
    but they smell alittle ripe.

    Oh Seamonkeys, we do love you, but I must ask a favor of you,

    Instead of going in our hair, eyes or nose, here or there,

    Just one small request I do make, turn a little south of our face.

  • Okay- I never comment, but after today’s post I just can’t resist. You have the cutest child I have ever seen. Seriously….and I’m not even a big fan of the kiddies.


  • Liz

    Look at those eyes.

    She’s beautiful.

  • Yes, you see it folks, it’s the Dooce Poetry Slam — Seamonkey Theme.

    Hey, maybe seamonkeys should be SPD theme for the week? And that could go right along with Strizz’ “stuff your face” theme.

  • Bucky, we would have to be careful, pics like that might infringe on the Got Milk ads….

  • I would love to see that lawsuit, You honor, all these crazy blog people were taking self portraits of an imagine that is clearly copyright protected to the Got Milk corp.

    Ahh no you honor, it was SeaMonkeys, sir, just a little spunk party on the chin if you will…

  • Jess, that’s just assuming the seamonkeys are on our *faces*

    I have yet to see a “Got Milk?” ad where the milk is splashed on the jugs.

  • Mike

    Maybe you guys could help me out with this…excuse me…THIS. Is it true that it is not the size of your little orange plastic horse that really matters, but it is more in how you use it? I am just curious. Bucky…honestly, it was just a little orange plastic horse that I taped a firecracker to…not THIS Pokey.

  • BFE? You’re punishing Mike w/o letting him in on the joke – let him see your burn victims. 🙂

    OMG – someone actually called me at the radio station today and bitched me out that I “ruined his morning and his breakfast” by stopping the opera of the day before it was over, so that I could play half of it next week.

    Totally not related, but hi, BigGaySam- long time no see.
    Where is Susie today?

  • Coskel, I suspect Susie is off peeing in a suitcase somewhere.

    Mike, you have defiled an effigy of Pokey. But, yeah, you’re right – at least you didn’t tape a firecracker to THIS.
    And yes, Mike, what you did to Pokey pales in comparison to the damage my husband did to both Gumby and Pokey with a candle.

  • KBBAW – oh yeah its “snasty”- I used to do prop/wardrobe styling for TV commercials. You don’t want to know what they have to make stuff out of so that it won’t melt under the lights.

  • Love the new look JessicaRabbit. There’s a definite vintage classic appeal from the stripes and your pin-up statuesque form as well.

  • I couldn’t agree more about the resemblance to Heather, but I disagree that the first pic is the one. I think the third one at the door reminds me more of Heather. lil’ minxy.

  • I personally hate those Got Milk ads. It is weird to see Dr. Phil or Ellen Degeneres with their fake grins and white creamy upper lips. And they say that stuff is not even milk. It is some curious white mixture of glue and some secret ingredient – maybe sea monkeys?

  • How can you actually take the time to blog when you have those fat little cheeks that nee to be nibbled on in the other room?

    Crazy woman!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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