This here bringer of the pooper to the fun party


Today as I was driving to the grocery store I stopped at a four-way intersection near an elementary school. It’s a four-way stop as well as a cross-walk, so I had to stop anyway, but before I even pulled to a stop two kids just walked across the street having full faith that I wouldn’t hit them. I had to think, am I doing them ANY favors by letting them get way with that? Don’t they know you just can’t go around trusting people?

Then I had the notion that maybe I’d just nudge them with the front of the truck, a gentle warning nudge that says, “Hey, you. You’re too young to know this yet but even though the sign says STOP not everybody is going to stop. You’re taking a huge risk thinking that everybody is going to follow all the rules all the time.”

But I knew I couldn’t do that, not only because that would be considered assault with a deadly weapon, but because I’d be incapable of a gentle nudge. I’d more likely run them over as if to say, “LIFE IS FUCKING HARD, AND THEN YOU HAVE TO BREASTFEED. BE PREPARED.”

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