Here is a slideshow of the pictures I took on our Adult Weekend Away While Pining For The Turd Back Home. (click on the photo below)
The morning we left Leta, never a very happy morning bee, was waking the dead with her early morning moaning and wailing. I had to finish packing and showering and undertake the ever laborious blowing dry of my hair — I’m seriously on the verge of shaving it all off. Jon couldn’t get Leta to stop banging her head on the highchair and decided to give up, but I had an idea. I brought the thrashing ogre to the bathroom with me, set her in the sink and handed her a box of medium-sized tampons. She shut up instantly.
I was able to get dressed and put on my make-up while she pondered the wonder that is female hygiene products, and then I set her on the floor while I blew my hair dry. Mid bang blow-out my mother showed up, peeked around the door of the bathroom and SHRIEKED. Leta had opened at least seven tampons and had three in her mouth, the cotton absorber expanding in her saliva.
“LETA IS EATING TAMPONS!” My mother didn’t know whether to laugh or call the police.
“Is she choking?” I asked her.
“No, but — ”
“And, more importantly, is she screaming? I DIDN’T THINK SO.”
I left feeling quite proud at my parenting skills, knowing that at least once in my life I had shown my mother that she had raised a responsible and innovative daughter. WHO’S IN CHARGE NOW, HUH? THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT.