Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

I can’t fight this feeling any longer

My mother called yesterday to see how Leta was doing and lamented that she so badly wanted to come over and take her for the day. My response to that was GIVE IN TO THE URGE, MOTHER. Why fight those feelings?

My life is nothing but a textbook example of what the repression of urges can do to a human being: one day I’m a virginal alto in the high school choir who protects her eternal salvation by refusing to partake of iced tea, and just a few years later I’m reenacting Van Halen videos in front of hundreds of people while drunk on the spirit of Satan.

“Come get Leta now, Mother,” I warned because I could see my mom’s future and it involved studded leather and tattoos. And biting the head off a rat in front of an Avon vice-president.

  • kendall

    lol. too funny.

    Heather, have you ever seen the movie “Saved”? If not, you need to go out and rent/buy it. Immediately.

  • My kid walked in one day with a friend who had, and I’m not kidding, “Fuck Everything” tattooed across his stomach. He was 18 at the time. I’ve often wondered what’s up with him today, at 30. I mean if you feel that way at 18 do things get better or worse in life? And if worse what do you tattoo on yourself then? “And I really meant it!” Or, if better do you then choose a career path to “match” the tattoo and change the “Fuck” to “Duck?” Duck Everything? (okay if you start collecting Ducks I guess) You could go live on a ranch and change it to Muck Everything. Play hockey and Puck Everything….I obviously have too much time on my hands today…

  • “Come get Leta, now, Mother,” I warned because I could see her future and it involved studded leather and tattoos. And biting the head off a rat in front of an Avon vice-president.

    you say that like it’s a bad thing… 😉

  • I think you are brave.
    Why? Well,if I had someone I could leave my 7 with…I don’t know if I would actually come back?! I’d be MIA!! LOL!!! Seriously, it’s hard to remember what it was like before the constant “Mommy” chanting. Was it all just a dream or did I really have a life before this?

  • ProudMary

    I’m just really disappointed that you didn’t go for the Air Supply reference of “I Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore.”

  • Just please, for God’s sake, make sure Leta learns to appreciate finer forms of musical talent like Toto and Winger.

  • And surely the moment Leta does that will be one of the proudest of your life…right?

  • being originally from the land of the big salty puddle, all i can really say is, “mmm tea…”

  • Oh, that image. Nightmares tonight. FOR SURE.

  • Yikes! Yer freakin’ me out!!! LOL Although, after having repressed many urges in my day, I frequently bite the heads off of small children. Can’t help myself. 🙂

  • The coming together of Skin-So-Soft and headless bats – now that is some scary mental imagery. Yet somehow provocative.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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