An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point

One of the drawbacks of maintaining a public website as anyone who has done this will tell you is that the longer you keep writing online the more people you are likely to piss off. At the same time you are also likely to touch more people’s lives and make more connections, more friends, and that is definitely the most rewarding thing about it all, but it’s that increasing amount of people who scorn you that teach you the most about yourself. How thick is your skin? How much can you take? How do you find a way to continue writing in a way that isn’t affected by what those certain people have to say? And most importantly, how do you find the strength to resist submitting their email addresses to the QueerWorld.com mailing list, IT WOULD FEEL OH SO TINGLY IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES.

In the last year it has become almost impossible for me to sit down to write something without wondering what person I am going to offend this time. It’s an involuntary response, automatic, because I’ve learned that there is nothing too small that an opinion can’t be formed about it, like whether or not I use blue in a masthead, or the fact that I have chosen a sans-serif font for body copy, really small things that I wrongly assumed wouldn’t end the world but are in fact so important that because I chose blue and not green I might as well have just peed in someone’s Cheerios.

Because the bad email makes up such a small part of the feedback to this website, though, I feel like it’s part of my job to get over it already. Even though I can’t help flinching once I click “publish” I have to realize that a lot of what people send me is only a projection of themselves, a projection of what they want to see in themselves or their own value system and it really has nothing to do with me personally. It also helps to think of it in terms of someone having a really bad day, that their bad email is just a window into the hard time they are having. It also doesn’t hurt if I just assume that some people are mad crazy psycho.

I tell you this because it’s a question I get a lot, how do I deal with the mean email or the mean comments. To be honest, it’s an ongoing process. One way is to go back and read the supportive email because that’s what it’s there for, and I don’t ever take it for granted. Another way is to laugh about it because some of the stuff that shows up in my inbox is blow-your-mind genius, and after reading a few that I received this week I thought it would be mean of me not to share some of the best here with you.

Email addresses have been removed because otherwise that would be mean, and although you can accuse me of being a bitch I am not a mean bitch. I am the Good Bitch of the North! Also, the text in italics represents my initial reaction to the email with a little bit of Jon’s commentary thrown in.

——

Jennifer W:
It vexes me slightly that you are starting to become lazy and self-absorbed – what was once a deeply appreciated view in to a like mind, is becoming a boring look at your to-do list filled with fun, next-step activities in your wow-look-at-me life… please heather – take a step back, reclaim the original you-ness that created this treat i give myself everyday called dooce.com – and stop acting so average like some lotto ticket winner…

[You know what other treat you should give yourself everyday? An enema.]

——

abbas:
you have a good blog. please put your sexual picture in your weblog.

[Hey, Mahir, is that you?]

——

Mindy S:
Oh, dear dooce, I haven’t the slightest problem with you publicly humiliating your dog but this time you’ve gone too far. Those christmas lights merrily draped around the poor pooch contain high levels of lead. Do you not read the warnings? Lead, dooce, lead.

[Deep breaths, Mindy, deep breaths.]

——

Keri R:
i used to find your writing clever….but lately, it stinks. switch meds. your grammar is terrible. when you land a book deal the editor will commit suicide before your hardback hits the shelf. (and depression is a disorder, not a disease….although the scary things you do to your kid’s hair might change the order of things)

[Need we talk about the non-capitalized sentences? Need we talk about meds?]

——

TDepaz:
Your site has gotten pathetic since either Jon came home and your mind turned to mush or when you became too mesmerized by your own ads to actually type anything interesting anymore! help!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If this continues I wont be reading anymore.

[Can’t talk, looking at ads.]

——

Jena S:
Sweaty goat balls = Dooce’s new look

[Dude, that’s totally going to be my next tagline: NOW WITH SWEATY GOAT BALLS!]

——

Alex S:
are you mocking syphilis??? when did this start, you bigot!

i remember when i used to think you where cool. what happened?

[I don’t hate the disease, I just disagree with the lifestyle of the disease.]

——

Jeff S:
some kids may get cuter as they get older if you are lucky.

[And some cranky men obviously haven’t been laid recently. It’ll happen if you are lucky!]

——

Apurva P:
Blurbomat all of a sudden puts liberal/democrat party type propaganda on his site. I know we have the 1st amedment but when you turn your personal little blog into a launching pad of political diatribe, I cannot support that – esp when you’re planning on schillling your goods.

I didn’t like the latest picture of Jon flipping off the camera , as my son was with me.. Daddy, what does that mean.. It’s enough to be bombard in the news, tv, but you’d think dooce.com woulnd’t have crap like that.

[Blink… blink, blink… you’d think someone had never read my website before.]

Anyways, I no longer view your work as cute and insightful into being a mother in Utah, but now I think you’ve just gotten way too big for your britches now that you’re getting paid.

You’ve sold out in the worst way. I used to care for you and your family, now I just pity you.

[Would it have changed your mind if I had sold out in the best way?]

——

Asian34:
You’ve sold out and lost a reader. You should change your header to “Dooce-Viva la mighty DOLLAR!”

[Thanks for the suggestion, but it just doesn’t have that sweaty goat ball ring to it.]

——

Michelle W:
your website sux. I loved reading your daily posts and now I can’t even wade through all the bullshit ads. Why on earth would you do this ? Couldn’t you just pick ONE endorsement ? ARE YOU THAT GREEDY ?????

[Yes. And no. But kind of, yeah.]

——

Tiffany R:
I do have to admit, you are funny when you write about some things and I wish I could just enjoy your website’s funny stories without stumbling across random swear words and false doctrine about my church, but I can’t. It’s everywhere! Talk about a chip on your shoulder! I know there is such a thing as free speech so no one can tell you what to not write. But some of the things you write…I don’t know. Let’s just say I don’t want to be standing next to you on judgement day. The trap door to hell will open and I might fall in with you. (Sorry, I guess that wasn’t very Christian of me.)

[Technically, your church doesn’t believe in trapdoors or hell.]

——

Keri R:
I can’t stand you.

and your webpage looks cluttered and sloppy and so full of CRAP. it looks like shit.

your writing is shit.

i’ve deleted you from my bookmarks.

i’m starting an “I Hate Dooce” club.

I’ll send you the link.

[Look who it is again! Keri R! Not surprisingly, this is only the second of several hateful emails she has sent me, but I didn’t include the others here because they were disappointingly mediocre in their display of hatefulness. Yawn. I like haters who excel!]

——

Robert N:
You just blather on about your precocious child, your depression, and your family. What are you trying to say and why should I visit? You seem to be a bright person but totally devoid of insight. All is vanity…

[Vanity. Like sending condescending emails to strangers?]

——

Walter G:
Everything that you gained will be taken away from you. You are simply a Man-Hating Psycho Lesbian Jealous Feminist! I predict bannishment to the Island of FagLesbian or a re-adjustment camp for you and your ilk!

[The Island of FagLesbian? That only sounds like ONE BIG PARTY. Send me now!]

——

Mary B:
I am getting the distinct impression that you despise motherhood, and hate your life in Utah. Am I correct in this perception? If so, Leta is going to grow up thinking her mother hated her and hated taking care of her. That can’t be a good thing….for Leta.

[Mary B, let me introduce you to someone. Jeff S, this is Mary B. Mary B, meet Jeff S.]

——

Rachel N:
you know, i was gonna just send an email to say that you’re the offspring of people having sex with animals..but that really is digressive isn’t it. my goodness, this is really immature, no?

all in all, women like you seriously have no business having kids at this juncture. i’m sure you love your girl, but kids need more than love. they need happy, mature parents.

[I didn’t have a response to this email because I was too high from the cocaine I just snorted off Leta’s bare tummy.]

——

George M:
My girlfriend pointed me toward your site. I have never read such self indulgent shit in all my life. I now know why she was laughing so hard. You are so pathetic. Get a life. How can anyone talk about their dog, baby shit, etc ad nauseum. Do something. Work in a charity. Get a job. Loser.

[Wait, you have a girlfriend? Still?]

——

Shannon W:
You have really crossed the line now!!!!!!! I was shocked and very unhappy to see the cover of the book that my uncle worte on the front page of your blog. I always knew that you would mock anything that had to do with the curch, but this really hit home. My uncle worked really hard on putting this book together. A ton of time and effort went into it, and here you are mocking it. This book has helped people, and here you are mocking it.

When I see people mocking all this in someone that I love I STAND UP FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can’t believe that you have stooped so low!

[I got this email yesterday and read it aloud to Jon and GEORGE! Each time she used an exclamation point I said it out loud, “Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point.” After I was done the room just sat there silent until GEORGE! said, “Ask her if she’s hot.” It may just turn out that my hatemail is the perfect place for GEORGE! to meet Mormon women.]

  • “Dooce meanies” (from comment 102) is another fine phrase to add to the Urban Dictionary. We could all have a field day posting definitions to it. Jealousy is such an ugly color on people.

  • Meredith Seiverd

    I think it is funny that some people seem to feel “forced” to be here and read the blog. They don’t seem to understand that this is YOUR website and not theirs. Dog forbid that someone not like what you have to say. Here are some simple tips for people that can’t seem to stop reading even though they are offended:

    1. If you are glued to your seat and don’t know what to do about being oversensitive to web content, look down at your keyboard and press that key with the apple on it and the W at the same time… or control + W (if that is the PC way) then stand up, and walk away.

    2. I hear that getting a sense of humor is pretty easy these days with all the places to shop online. Always try to find an auction that offers free shipping, use Buy-it-now, and make sure the use the whole thing when it gets to your house. Don’t want any to go to waste, do we?

    There, isn’t that better?

  • smoness

    Do people just not understand good sarcasm any more?? Your site brings a ray of sunshine down on my computer every day. You f-ing rock the camel’s hump, Heather. Don’t change a damned thing!

  • Wow! Being popular kind of sucks. I would have shut the blog down by the tird email.

    Well done!

  • Mistress Erin

    Does anyone know how to book a vacation to FagLesbian Island? I have packed my lube and whipped cream and I am ready to GO!

    I love you Heather! (exclamation point, exclamation point)

  • I think it’s funny how much people despise change, even when it’s something that is so totally beyond their control. Yes, your content is different than what it was in the beginning of this site, but your life is different. Why shouldn’t your writing change as you do?

    People who worry about what you write or how you live your life obviously have too much time on their hands. Who are they to judge?

    I enjoy your writing and (especially) your pictures and continue to be a loyal reader.

  • Well, I think the site’s never been better (exclamation point) And hey, would it be possible for my son Cameron to get a date with Leta when he’s old enough? In, say, 50 years or so?

  • Marieke

    “I Hate Dooce” club? For reals? This woman is totally obsessed with you. But I don’t blame her….cuz you rock!

  • I don’t mind the ads. I’ve actually clicked on some because I might have been interested in the pandering. Isn’t that what they’re for. I love people who go off on those who supposedly “sell out”; you know they would jump at the chance to do the same thing if they could. So much for the American Dream really existing.

    I love your site and your monthly letters to Leta make me cry sometimes. I feel the same way about my children and I’m bluntly honest with myself and my abilities as a mother and sometimes motherhood is gross comedy.

    If you’re going to hell; I’ll hold the trap door to hell open for you if you want to do a back flip through the doorway?

  • If they are shooting at you, you must be doing something right!

  • Erin MJ

    Hi Heather!
    I just wanted to tell you how much I love your site, and how much I don’t care if you have ads, and how entertaining it is to hear you make fun of your hate mail! Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point! =D

    Also, “Good Bitch of the North” is possibly one of the best phrases ever conceived. I don’t know if you made it up, but it made me laugh out loud all the same.

    I hope this helps to increase your positive-to-negative feedback ratio. 😉

  • sally

    Dear Heather,
    I love you more than I can express! Every day I visit your blog and laugh out loud in my silent dorm room where my studying roommate looks at me with irritation. I am only a college freshman, but despite all these people who insist that your parenting is “immature,” you’ve given me hope and and are one of the few instances where parenting seems like a plausible road. I felt like all adults became boring, snobby, and self-righteous after having children, but you (and Jon!) have proved me wrong. It is so refreshing to see parents who managed to maintain a SENSE OF HUMOR! And what is the problem in selling out? I don’t know where so many people get the impression that you’re some sort of superhuman who can support your family without an income! So what if there are ads? All the amazing content is still there. You need that money to pamper that kid of yours that you love so much. Plus, I think you’re beautiful and although I enjoy the idea of someone who LOOKS like sweaty goat balls, you, unfortunately, just do not qualify. You really are in inspiration, Heather, and I think all these naysayers should get a life and stop ragging someone as original and clever as you.

  • Moon

    Heather, I hope you’re able to blow off at least some of the hate mail you get and not get too worked up over it. These people obviously have nothing better to do than to send ludicrous comments. Perhaps their time would be better spent getting their own lives rather than trying to tell you how to run yours.

    I love your site and have been an avid viewer since I discovered it (I’m ashamed to say just a few months ago). I probably shouldn’t say this but the ads don’t bother me because, frankly, I just don’t look at them.

    Leta is close to the same age as one of my girls and I’m very often amused because they seem to mimic each other’s behavior a lot and it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one sometimes that can perfectly understand why some animals eat their young. It’s very obvious to me that your little girl means the world to you and your husband. Your monthly letters to her are precious and they often remind me to go update my own journals I keep for our girls.

    Here’s wishing you all the best and keep up the wonderful work!

  • theburninator

    OMG YOU SHOULD ALL JOIN THE I HATE DOOCE CLUB. We all get together to eat multivitamins, lust after Bob Costas, and order Prada online!

  • My two cents, in case you need a little more encouragement today…
    Your site is hilarious, I enjoy visiting it every day.
    I applaud your courage, creativity, and fabulous talent.
    Your family is beautiful.

    I cannot believe the negativity of people. No one is forcing them to read your site. It blows me away.
    I felt for you as I was reading them, and admire your ability to take them in stride…with humor even.

    Best of luck, and keep on keepin on!

  • How dare you and Jon post your PERSONAL opinions on your PERSONAL websites!!!

    What nerve!!!!

    Seriously, are these people just now realizing your views on politics, religion, etc?!?!

  • I love to hate the haters, but I must grudgingly acknowledge that they have some of the most fantastic opportunities for imagery out there. I could barely get beyond my mental picture of the Island FagLesbian (tastefully decorated with lots of power tools) to read the rest of the emails.

    People rock. Even when they’re lame.

  • shonad

    I am never usually one to leave comments on people’s sites, I the silent reader of the web!

    But in this case i had to, OH MY GOD! What are those people all about????

    If you don’t like it, don’t read it!

    It’s as if they expect everyone in the world to have the same opinions as they do, what a very dull world that would be!

    Heather, you are an internet jem!

    Jon, you are one hot sexy man!

    Leta, you make me want to have babies cos hopefully they will be as cute and as full of life and personality as you are!

    And Chuck, will you come live with me?

  • Wow. It’s really awful that people think they are entitled to say shit like that to you. I love that you are able to handle it so well and still laugh about it. I think your site and everything you say is absolutely awesome. Furthermore even if I disagree with something you say I’m still happy with you because I love how honestly you write and I admire you for it. Why are people so afraid of what is different?

    Well you are completely awesome Dooce. I appreciate you and your site.

    P.S. The Island of FagLesbian sounds fantastic! I feel the mothership calling me home.

  • How dare you and Jon post your PERSONAL opinions on your PERSONAL websites!!!

    What nerve!!!!

    Seriously, are these people just now realizing your views on politics, religion, etc?!?!

  • ThreeBees

    Oh yeah. Self-righteous people are totally hot.

  • Erin MJ

    Hi Heather!
    I just wanted to tell you how much I love your site, and how much I don’t care if you have ads, and how entertaining it is to hear you make fun of your hate mail! Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point! =D

    Also, “Good Bitch of the North” is possibly one of the best phrases ever conceived. I don’t know if you made it up, but it made me laugh out loud all the same.

    I hope this helps to increase your positive-to-negative feedback ratio. 😉

  • Monika

    Hi Heather

    Okay, I’ve been reading your blog for about 3 years. Now, you’ve grown, and gotten married, and had a dog, and a child, dealt with home problems (kitchen debacle, etc.) and many other things. What happens is that some of your readers don’t grow. They are the people who still walk around with mullets and wear jeans with the elastic waistebands. That’s what I’ve gotten from those hateful emails. They want you to stay the same. Always.

    Hello?! SHE’S NOT GONNA STAY THE SAME FOR YOU! SHE HAS A LIFE!

    She’s got the same sense of humour, if you put on mental block on the swearing and flipping the bird, and only recently realized that she DOES post some swearing and flips you the bird, if your own fault for being BLIND.

    Heather, some people have sad, sad lives, they think they even MATTER by bringing you down. They forget that they don’t matter, and try to fill up the void by being assholes. I love you and your family, and 98% of us (your readers) love you.

    The haters? They can shove their emails up their hairy asses.

    Oh, and a side note to Walter G, are you homophobic? Cause it seems like to you, being gay is an insult. Let me tell you that you are an ASSHOLE.

    Thanks =)

  • I love to hate the haters, but I must grudgingly acknowledge that they have some of the most fantastic opportunities for imagery out there. I could barely get beyond my mental picture of the Island FagLesbian (tastefully decorated with lots of power tools) to read the rest of the emails.

    People rock. Even when they’re lame.

  • LadySaffire

    Ya know…there are just a lot of cranky people in our world. I love this site…and visit it VERY often. I love your view on things…your attitude…your sense of humor…and the pics. I’m a fan for life.

    And to those that have an issue with Dooce…may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your crotch. Wait…that’s not very fair to the fleas…

  • i don’t know how to quit you!

    will you run away to Island of FagLesbian with me? and have lots of babies and raise them to be FagLesbians too? *snort*

    i think the entertainment value would cause you to look for MORE things to write so you can get MORE hate mail. woo!

    (yeah, i’m one of those no caps people.)

  • Ro

    I stumbled upon your blog about a month ago ad I absolutely LOVE IT. I don’t know what it looked like before or even hat “before’ consisted of. All I know is that I find your words to be insightful and really funny. Those people that leave those hateful and sometimes contradicting comments are those people who are lonely, sad and terribly unhappy.
    And you think you’re depressed. 
    I enjoy reading about you and your hubby and Leta, and although I have no children just yet (I have 3 nephews) I understand that in order to stay completely sane you must find the beautiful silver lining in all things.
    You’re great!!!!

    Keep it up…..And don’t worry about the haters you could be giving away money and they would still be around…
    Maybe the mail would read something like this

    “Heather how could you? I can’t believe you are just giving strangers all of your money? You are so stupid! There are plenty of ways that you could invest your money!!!!!!!! You can have It all for yourself and even put some up for that poor defenseless child Leta! I’m so ashamed of you!! I’m never reading your blog again (unless you send me some)!!!!!!!!”

  • dithers

    Thank you so much for sharing those 5 words from GEORGE!

  • That was hilarious!
    The more popular a person is, the more haters they get. That seems to be a fact. Most folks are jealous because THEY aren’t able to live off of their websites. I say, lucky you!!
    If you ever feel down about it, shoot me an email and I’ll tell you all the things I love about you and your site…no charge! 😉

  • “I didn’t have a response to this email because I was too high from the cocaine I just snorted off Leta’s bare tummy.”

    Could we get a photo of that?

  • Yes, I’m having a bit of an issue myself.

    It’s so strange, people either seem to love or hate you- the point being that most people don’t even know you. But the good usually outweighs the bad. Usually.

    I’d say tell em to bite your ass but you don’t really have one. So, they can bite mine. Bite my oh so ample ass, mean people.

    !!!!

  • Lisa March

    I LOVE HEATHER ARMSTRONG!!!
    But not in a Brokeback kinda way.
    Thank you for sharing wonderful, funny and honest stories about your life. YOUR ROCK! Well, let’s be honest, you ROCK and ROLL girl 🙂

  • Kacey

    “I’m going to start an “I Hate Dooce” club.” What are you, like 10 years old? Real mature…

    Heather, loved the part about snorting coke of Leta’s bare tummy. That response made me laugh out loud at my desk. I too started blogging because of your site, and I’m a faithful reader. I think you’re writing is amazing and witty. Keep up the good work and keep laughing at those negative souls who try to bring you down.

  • Wow. It’s really awful that people think they are entitled to say shit like that to you. I love that you are able to handle it so well and still laugh about it. I think your site and everything you say is absolutely awesome. Furthermore even if I disagree with something you say I’m still happy with you because I love how honestly you write and I admire you for it. Why are people so afraid of what is different?

    Well you are completely awesome Dooce. I appreciate you and your site.

  • throwingutah

    A dog has to be truly loved in order to put up with what Spaghetti-on-the-Snout puts up with. Obviously some people skipped the entry where Chuck got loose during your Amsterdam trip.

    Leta is beautiful. You have an amazing photographic and written record of her entire life, and you’ve let us all share it.

    She’s only two months younger than my son, and I love reading about things that are going on in our house, too. I’m particularly looking forward to the “big-girl bed” chapter. A tip: our son spent his first few times in a big-boy bed at my parents’ house when his cousins (3 and 1) were also visiting, so my folks were a little less patient than they might have been otherwise. He got out of bed twice and got Stern Voices, which he’d never heard before. It’s been six months, and he’s NEVER GOTTEN OUT OF BED BY HIMSELF. He’ll sit there and yell for me, but he doesn’t get up. Sweeeeeeet.

  • Erin MJ

    Hi Heather!
    I just wanted to tell you how much I love your site, and how much I don’t care if you have ads, and how entertaining it is to hear you make fun of your hate mail! Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point! =D

    Also, “Good Bitch of the North” is possibly one of the best phrases ever conceived. I don’t know if you made it up, but it made me laugh out loud all the same.

    I hope this helps to increase your positive-to-negative feedback ratio. 😉

  • MommyofOne

    Oh, Heather.

    I’m sorry you get e-mails like this. Big bummer. It sounds like your sense of humor and perspective are in a terrific place though.

    Sometimes I disagree with some things you say. Sometimes I get disagree with things Jon says (I’m a conservative Republican and a born-again Christian). But I still enjoy read your websites, because I RESPECT both of you. I respect that you have the guts to speak your minds for the public to read. I respect that you two make yourselves vulnerable. And I respect that you can make a living doing it, while giving the precious gift of time to your sweet daughter. And because of that I will keep coming back to read.

    I enjoy your perspectives. Blurbodoocery helps keep my worldview from getting too narrow. Thank you!

  • Wow. It’s really awful that people think they are entitled to say shit like that to you. I love that you are able to handle it so well and still laugh about it. I think your site and everything you say is absolutely awesome. Furthermore even if I disagree with something you say I’m still happy with you because I love how honestly you write and I admire you for it. Why are people so afraid of what is different?

    Well you are completely awesome Dooce. I appreciate you and your site.

  • silverfoot

    *chortle*

    You know, if you actually listened to all those freaks, you’d leave yourself with nothing to write – no political opinions, and no poop stories? No smut and no pictures of Chuck with things on his head? I mean really, what else *is* there?

    That said, I *totally* think the next major blogger conference should be on The Island of FagLesbian. You bring the water-based lube, i’ll bring the maracas, and we’ll see if we can’t fire people up for a game of Strip Twister.

    😉

  • ktmarie

    I have read your blog for about a year now, and I have never ONCE doubted your love for your daughter or the concern you have for her upbringing and safety (and I’m a mother of a three-year-old little terror myself). The people who have e-mailed you concerning Leta are the ones who should be concerned about their own parenting skills. I read your blog because it makes me laugh so hard that I need to run to the bathroom. I don’t always agree with your views on subjects, but I value and appreciate your writing – it makes my day a better one.

  • I need to get an edge or something for my blog. Man, I don’t get good stuff like that…what great stuff to spin off of. How about sharing the wealth…like make up a moronic name and cut and paste the stuff and post as a comment on my blog. It would save me having to look for original thought. Nobody would notice, only you and I would know because I am so far down the z-list that few would see it. If you can’t do that, how about that picture that the mouth breather asked for and if the picture is too much I’ll settle for the recipe for funeral potatoes.

    The good news is that comments like all those you quoted just blow the theory of intelligent design right out the window.

  • TheBurryMan

    Started reading Dooce because it was on one of those “best of” lists for writing, and being a writers’ website I felt the need to check it out. As much as I like the tone of your writing, it is the snarky responses to your comments that I love! Oh, how we yearn for the pointy fangy barb of sarcasm, and how little we find. May you get time for an extended holiday on the Island of SarcastoFagLesbian, you deserve it. (And I don’t miind the ads, being ADD I don’t really see them unless they flash on and off … ooooh, pretty …)

  • SassyPants

    I’m a first-time commenter here, but I wanted to say that you truly have a gift and your writing-style is not only clever but has an undeniably witty charm to it that is too seldom found.

    You’ll never please everyone, but look at the vast majority that check your site everyday when they log onto their computer. We love you Dooce! Just keep doing what you do best girl. I’ll keep reading.

  • Herb Fairy

    It seems that some people do not get the point of a Blog. It is to talk about your life. It is to entertain. It does not have to be some educational, insightfull, boring blog. It is supposed to be fun to look at. Sort of like Britney Spear’s boobs.
    I think it comes down to they are jealous that you found success and get paid for simply sharing your life with us and they have to go off to their boring jobs and file and make copies and complain that someone made the coffee to strong that morning. Goodness, I envy you as I sit here in my cublicle with no windows.
    Keep up the good work. 🙂

  • greengirl

    Heather,
    I am a virgin when it comes to commenting on you website, but today I just had to let you know how I feel about you. My sister-in-law told me about your blog less than a year ago. I have read anything and everything you have posted, looked at all of the pictures you have taken and I feel like I have a connection with you even though you have never read a word I have written, until now. You have helped me through a really hard year by giving me numerous other topics to think about in my life. Your posts have helped me to take a step back and evaluate my life in a way I never would have, had I not read your blog. Sure there are things that you post that I don’t agree with, (since I am a Happy Valley Mormon Chic) but I don’t know what you have been through in your life to get to where you are and I can’t say I wouldn’t feel the exact same way. I value your life experiences and I am thankful that you share them in such a raw, exposed way. This has helped me to look at my insecurities and beliefs in a different light and I am a better person, I feel, because of you.
    I am baffled and disgusted at the extremely negative emails people have sent to you. I don’t get it… I don’t know if there is anything you could ever say that would make me write you an email stating the things that were said (NO, this is not a challenge.) 🙂 I don’t understand why anyone would want to try and hurt someone else in the ways people have tried with you. I guess if you are that miserable in your own life then you want others to be as well.
    The reason for this post is I just wanted to let you know that if I ever see you in public I am going to give you a big hug (even if you aren’t a huggy person) because of everything you have helped me see and become.
    (I am ready to barf now because of how this all sounds!)

  • I don’t understand the comment about the ads. They are on the side of the page. My eyes have no trouble ignoring them.

    Are people really this dumb?

  • What really bugs me are the people tend to call anything fulfilling “selfish.” OK, sure, there’s a self indulgent quality to any creative endeavor, but why is this wrong? Why is it so terrible to pursue something you love doing, something you’ve got a knack for, and (shudder) try to make a living from it?

    ANSWER: It’s not.

    I hear FagLesbian Island is a great place to go when you’re experimenting in college.

  • Carli

    FUCK THOSE CRAZY PEOPLE! Seriously, who has that much time on their hands that they spend it sending hate mail about lead in Christmas lights, the hidden virtues of an STD or “unbookmarking” someone. Get a life, you fuckin’ wastoids! Go kick a tree or take a squirt gun to the neighbors cat or set your own hair on fire. Heather, you may not be mean, but send me their email so I can tell them how stupid, petty and obviously NON-FUCKING-CHRISTIAN they are, ’cause I’m one of the meanest people I know. THey’ll also be hearing from me via the USPS when they take delivery of the raunchiest underground beastiality porn mags I can find, sent without brown wrapper. What especially pisses me off is when someone attacks a child. I hate those fuckers. Leta is beautiful and will grow up much more well adjusted than any of those skeevy bastards who have obviously run out of things to do. I love the Armstrongs, what they do and what they standfor. Have I said this yet? FUCK THOSE CRAZY PEOPLE EXCLAMATION FUCKING POINT. PS – Happy Easter this weekend 🙂

  • Jessica

    Heather, you are the best! You have no idea how much the things you’ve written about have helped me, have made me feel less alone in my own struggles, have made me realize that better days will come. You often make me laugh out loud, and I admire your bravery in sharing your life with us. Leta is beautiful, and is so lucky to have a wonderful mom like you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all that you do!

    Take care and keep up the amazing work,
    Jessica 🙂

    P.S. If you’re ever in the Boston area, you have a drinking buddy in me. C’mon, you have to do a “Dooce World Tour”! 🙂

  • esthela

    I don’t remember ever reading the entry you wrote about how you’re the perfect mom, wife, human being that gives these people an excuse to point out to you that you are in fact not perfect. Don’t they get that you KNOW that and you’re OK with that and that you have an amazing sense of humor about THAT. Put me on the side of people who GET you Heather.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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