An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Oh mon, mon, mon, mon, you are

Leta has recently figured out how to operate the DVD remote and because of this we are now forced to watch a certain Sesame Street DVD over and over again. Never mind that we have seven different episodes stored on the TiVo including the one featuring a skit where two Weimaraners are dressed up as old women and are making peanut butter from scratch with their human hands. She couldn’t care less about that episode, pity her bad taste. My one hope in life is that when we all die and go to heaven a Weimaraner dressed up as an old woman will greet us at the gates.

Also, since we’re on the topic of Weimaraners, here’s a reminder of why the Daily Oliver is the best website on the Internet.

The Sesame Street DVD is filled with all sorts of children’s songs like I’ve Been Working on the Railroad and She’ll Be Coming ‘Round the Mountain and that insufferable Jacob Jingleheimer song which I’m certain is being played right now at an unbearable volume in some prison to torture a terrorist suspect. Dude is probably wishing they had instead just cut off his arms and forced him to eat his own fingers.

Leta now knows all these songs and sings them line for line, a remarkable feat considering she had never heard any of them before this DVD. Last night as we were getting her ready for bed she broke into a violently off-key version of Row Row Row Your Boat, and I realized that she had learned it solely from watching television, that it required no input from me as a parent. People, this is an example of everything that is right with America.

Last night we also got out the video camera because she was singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star with so much gusto it could have been the national anthem. She may not have all the words right, or any of them for that matter, and in this clip she doesn’t even start in the right place, but this video shows that the television is doing a pretty good job of raising my kid.

Flash movie
Quicktime movie

  • oh, MON!

    I can’t WAIT for Mlaka to get as old!

  • [upon first playing the video, with Mina beside me:]

    Mina: What was that?!

    Me: That’s Leta! Don’t you remember her? We met her on our trip to Utah!

    Mina: [burp.]

    I think that last bit was a tribute to the Tostitos they shared, but I can’t be sure.

  • My favorite part of this video: Her hand movements that go in time with her head bobbing.

    My 2nd favorite part of this video: Hearing either you or Jon trying not to laugh in the background.

    Oh. My. God. This is hysterical. I love her completely made up lyrics. I think she has a gift, you should probably encourage her to be a singer/songwriter AND an interpretive dancer.

    I really needed this on the day of my 1st rectal exam b/c of the non-stop-pooping-problem. Good timing, Heather. Thank you.

  • Kids these days are definitely smarter than we ever were. Heck, we all would be better off if we just hand over the reins of the world over to them. And of course, they look darn cute too.

  • Word to the wise: Never, ever, ever let anybody pass off those Kidsongs videos on you. I promise, you will rue the day.
    “Jingleheimer Schmidt”? Cakewalk. No, bad is watching those kids sing “I Get Around” and “Chicky Chicky Beat.”
    Having flashbacks; must go cry softly for a while.

  • Kathleen

    This kills me! Her hair… HER HAIR!
    The other day my husband pointed to the CD player and asked “what’s this? and our 2 year old son looked at him and said “Jazz.” It was. He won’t sing like Leta, but he’ll tell you what type of music it is. Who taught him this? TV. TV can teach him more than I can.

  • carrie

    I love your kid. And your dog (who I didn’t even notice in the clip until I read the comments). I can’t stop laughing about that singing–took me a second to figure out what part of the song she was singing. I used to encourage my niece, who is a year older than Leta, to continue singing her uninteligible songs, even though my sister was ready to strangle me.

    After watching that clip, now I want my own kid and my own dog.

  • bee

    the singing really makes my day, yes, but is chuck back there worshipping the fire gods?

  • juliet

    holy batman she’s on ss crack. funny shit

  • Thank you Heather. This clip totally quieted my screaming 6 month old. Problem is, I have to keep playing it over and over again… I think he might be in love with Leta.

  • Without Sesame Street, we’d all be bumping into each other. No one would know what Near and Far were without Grover. I say let the telly do it’s job. You (and the rest of us idiots) just stay out of the way. Muppets are far better equipped for this job. I say Bravo to you for recognizing this simple, but oft overlooked, truth.

  • lq

    ACK – covered up the new sewer, not covered up the new earth! Gak!

  • They put extra juice in kids this age that’s an addicting intoxicant to parents, thus ensuring survival of the species. What I wouldn’t give to have one more day with my kids when they were full of obvious charm and sweetness. I’d change sleepers filled to the neck with yellow poo, clean up projectile vomiting three or four times, and dine eagerly on pre-moistened Cheez-Its and cold tomato soup, just for a day.

    Kids develop ever more complicated charm with time, but that juiciness is peculiar to this age. Yum.

  • lq

    Oh, she’s so cute. What a joy – and thank you for sharing!

    OT – when I saw the yellow ‘Buried Gas Line’ flag I remembered something about my sewer line replacement years ago. My daughter was engaged, I was trying to figure out how to pay for the wedding, etc. (they eloped – their choice, such sweeties), and my sewer line had to be dug up. In the line of digging was a magnificent yellow rose bush. Luckily it was winter, I hacked it down to 12 inches all around, they dug it up and I left it on the mound of (v. smelly) earth until they covered up the new earth. This poor bedraggled rose was still hanging out, and I thought ‘Hey – roses have a bare root season’ and stuck it back in the ground. It thrived – though not as much as before when it was sitting over a sewer leak. Anyhow, that’s my funny sewer story.

  • No really this is so cute that my husband just started his period.

  • I was watching this with my 8 month old and it made him smile and giggle at her. It was like, finally someone who speaks my language.

    Thanks for the adorable video!


  • We have no idea which song she’s trying to sing, but we at our office all agree that it’s a whole-hearted effort!!

    Yay, Leta!

  • That was just so cute. I love it when my little one sings. I ache for a video camera to capture it.

  • moonrattled

    P.S. Am I seeing Chuck sticking his head into the fireplace in the background?

  • I’ve got that DVD. And luckily Max, at 6 months, isn’t interested yet. The kids flapping around as chickens with Big Bird is the only part I can watch, and only because they all look like they’ve been fed spoonfuls of angel dust right before the song started.

  • moonrattled

    I think she just sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in Cantonese.

  • That is too precious! Seriously! Even though I could only pick out a few words, like “my” and “are” and “ah ah ah”, I seriously think your kid has a future in music. She is SO gonna give Britney a run for her money in a few years. No, I take that back. She kicks Britney’s ass NOW! 🙂

    MORE LETA VIDEOS! This is the first time I got to see the girl in action, and now I am addicted! 🙂

  • She is totally Bjork. In only the good ways.

  • This is totally off the topic, but SHEESH, how do you get 100 comments in like 20 seconds flat? Man, what an ego boost that must be. I need me some of that. If I had that, I could leap tall buildings in a single bound! Run faster than a speeding locomotive. Oh, who am I kidding… I’d just BLOG MORE. LOL

    As for kids and DVDs, my 2 year old now knows how to get into the DVD cabinet. Every disk is taken out of every case and in some sadistic maneuver, they are all put back into the wrong cases to the point where they will NEVER BE RIGHT AGAIN. I swear, I’m switching to Pay Per View until she’s FIVE or something. It’s too hard trying to find a DVD.

  • jes

    Oohhhhhhh, my gosh. She is so-o-o-o-o-o-o-o precious. And it is very important that you read each “o” as a separate syllable.

    I was just watching MTV and thinking, if I have children, and we sat around watching this all day like I have been, what will they have learned?

    And I decided they would learn to dance like strippers after watching that new Pussycat Dolls video, and that I’d be jealous of them because THEY ARE SO FLEXIBLE.

  • marie b.

    I agree with Colleen — totally Björk. Adorable.

  • Kelsey

    Currently falling out of my chair and dying from the shock of the cuteness!!!

  • The saddest point of my day thus far was learning that your kid can use the dvd remote and I can’t.

  • monkey

    Oh dear Lord, that made my uterus hurt! It’s the sheer sincerity with which she sings it with that it too damn cute!
    William’s first song was Moby’s “South Side”. And he could sing a ton of Barenaked Ladies song and certain Ani Difranco songs that he deemed not too girly before he knew the words of any of the “standard” kids songs. *Sigh* Good times. Of course, he complains now (at 7 yrs old) that music “isn’t what he wants it to be” so he won’t listen to much lately.
    Connor isn’t singing yet, but he dances to everything- and I mean EVERYTHING!

  • Ummm
    I think you misheard because she was really singing Wasp’s “Fuck like a beast”. Sheesh you Mormons try to put a positive spin on everything. Next you will try to tell the the interet she speaks to JOSEPH SMITH in her sleep.
    She is a cutie pie 🙂

  • RzDrms

    LOVE the flourish at the end…soooo utterly dramatic and cute! and chuck, don’t do it! don’t commit suicide by fireplace! don’t be jealous that they’re not filming you singing too, sweet snugglebunny! 😉

  • iheartchuck

    Too adorable!! Although, I can just imagine that instead of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Chuck is playing a little Carmina Burana in his head!

  • Runner Girl

    Sesame Street- Kid’s Favorite Songs! I found Kid’s Favorite Songs 2 slightly more tolerable. Just wait until she likes Dora- I named it “kid crack.” As soon as it neared the end of an episode, my son would start to beg, “More Dora, more Dora!”

    Leta sure is cute.

  • Wow, Leta’s like a little Bjork.

  • My little sister (when she was 4) proudly and loudly sang along to Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror”. Maybe we should have stuck with Twinkle Twinkle?

  • jennycakes

    sweet mary mother that kid is cute!

  • The only thing cuter than a cute kid is a cute kid who knows it and milks it for all it’s worth.

  • kim

    Oh sweet Jesus in heaven if that is not the cutest thing ever in the whole world period. I just love that – “mon, mon, mon, mon, mon…” That’s too funny!

  • lizneust

    Love IT! In case you haven’t noticed yet, Twinkle, the Alphabet song and Baa Baa Black Sheep all have the SAME tune. Which means our two-year old has discovered the fine art of the medley. It makes the “which song?” game even more interesting.

  • For anyone worried about the psyche of these dogs, rest assured weimaraners apparently LOVE the attention. Wegman has said in numerous interviews that he never really had an intension of using his family dogs as props, but he has learned that as “working” dogs lounging around his studio, they really were much happier with a “job” to do.

    As for television as a babysitter: I wonder how much time the average toddler REALLY spends in front of the tube? I think people subtract whole hours when surveyed. I know it’s the one thing that makes me feel like an absolute failure as a parent. According to the averages reported, my kid is an off-the-charts TV zombie.

  • That’s the cutest thing ever! TV didn’t teach Leta to be insanely cute but I’m glad it gave her some material.

    You made me feel better about my capitulation to the evil DVD player. But it’s Dumbo I’m worried about. Will the pink elephants scene make her want to drink at an early age? And when the alcohol doesn’t bring on hallucinations that cool will she then switch to hallucinagens?

  • Really cute. However, I was distracted by that fire in the background and I started sweating because here in Texas it has already reached 100+ degrees on more than one occasion and the very thought of a fire makes me want to jump into a tub of ice. And if I am in a tub of ice, don’t worry, I still have my kidneys.

  • Wow, I can finally comment on this fantastic blog.

    Leta is so cute! I loved her versino of Twinkle Twinkle little star. It was very creative!

    Hope everything is well in America.

    Rosie xx

  • The “mon, mon, mon” threw me off. I totally thought this was going to be a post about Rastafarians.

  • You better watch out or next time she might sing the “Chuck is now a Hot Dog” song!

  • William Beem

    Adorable. I presume this is like the Furby language, where two kids just start communicating automatically and no one else understands.

  • Jacey

    I was watching to see what Chuck was doing the whole clip.

  • She’s speaking in tongues!

    🙂 Too cute.

  • jen

    Current state of my life:
    -6 final exams this week
    -2 of which determine my official entry to nursing school
    -surprise visit from the in-laws
    -moving in two weeks, house is a wreck
    -moving several states away from my family and friends
    -haven’t slept in 26 hours
    -new puppy
    -that the cats hate

    THANK YOU for that clip.
    You don’t know how much I needed it just this very moment.
    Your daughter is beautiful.
    Congratulations, Heather- you’re an awesome mom.

  • Oh dear lord. Cutest. Thing. Ever. The hand gestures are just classic.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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