An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

One trick the dog taught himself

A few months ago we had a couple lines in our sprinkler system replaced at the same time that we forced a family of tarantulas to relocate to someplace other than NEAR ME. We paid good money for the new sprinklers, but recently we noticed that they have been watering the face of the house instead of the yard. Jon has spent several hours in the last week trying to fix the problem, and one afternoon as he was bending over the valve box one of the knobs snapped off and a gust of water shot up straight into his face. A similar gust of obscenities then exploded out of his mouth, down from the black spot in his brain that had rotted out from watching a single episode of “Access Hollywood.”

Yesterday while Jon was doing some final adjustments, Chuck ran back and forth between sprinklers trying to stop them with his mouth. We’ve caught this struggle before on camera, but yesterday was this first time we got in on video. What you won’t hear is Leta screaming in the background because she thinks Chuck is hurting the water, and me trying to explain that water doesn’t have nerve-endings, so it probably doesn’t feel a thing, but that’s awful cute of you to care like that, Sugar Booger.

Launch video.

(We’re trying out something new this week with the video because the file is so big [8.3 MB]. It’s only available in quicktime because we haven’t figured out how to get flash files to work with the new video hosting service. If you don’t have the latest version of Quicktime installed, you can download it here.)

  • Love the soundtrack! I wouldn’t have guessed that as the perfect song to bite sprinklers to, but really, you nailed it.

  • Liv

    The best is how the water jet poofs his cheek out, haha! dogs. the world is so much lighter with them in it.

  • Rawk.

  • Once again, I’m having Chuck-gasms!! AWESOME video!

    And I’m with angela marie — he’s totally giving the sprinkler the “finger” with his raised paw. Very close-up, with the claw extended for extra effect.

    Love your credits – doocerific!


  • Jason

    That is a neat trick, but I am actually the worlds best dog trainer, I taught my wonderful Doberman to Faux pee

  • Chuck is such a bad ass. Ruffy does the exact same thing. But the best about this whole thing was us not hearing you explain that water does not have nerve endings. That’s something Daren would do.

  • While you are getting yourself a burger with fries, and Leta screams for her Twizzler… I am forced to watch the video over and over and over… because, it appears, that my son wants to learn how to chomp at water… and I don’t get fries with that!

  • raspberry queen

    Sooo totally awesome.

  • Ah the corrected collar. Now we can all relax.

  • RzDrms

    one trick, one word: *youtube* (i personally just wanna see how many hits you get on it…too friggin’ hilarious, heather)

  • RzDrms

    p.s. i hope the space invaders collar wasn’t hurt in the making of this video. do you know what that would do to all us 70s kids?!

  • OneBabyMama

    Un-fucking-believeable! You made a music video!!! I can’t even tell you how this made my night.
    I am so glad you did credits too–I was all like “who sings this song because it rocks out!” So thank you.
    I want a cheeseburger now.

  • Monica

    I don’t know what I like more Chuck eating water or your credits… Sugar Booger? I swear to god, you have to copywrite some of that stuff and put it on a T-Shirt and then makes millons selling it! (wait, I think I just gave myself an idea!!!)

  • I swear it looks like Chuck is giving the finger to the sprinkler head about halfway thru that video. I KNOW IT.

  • Oh, what perfect comic relief from my twittering on about European Union accountability and constitutional reform. I am sure my students would be much more amused if I served up European democracy with a nice sideorder of Congresssman Chuck on Friday..that’s one way of keeping an electorate happy.

    Love the titles and credits. Inspired by a mastiff video you shared with us recently?

    Thanks so much for all the laughs, Armstrongs!

  • anneelizmary

    Video worked beautifully, never slowed down to keep downloading–it stayed ahead of itself.

    Ah, Chuck. Another of your glory days.

  • The thing that the sprinkler is doing to his mouth reminds me of when AnnaBelle sticks her head out of the car window as we’re going 50mph down the road- flappa flappaflappaflappa…

    George- first clogs, and now this. You don’t KNOW rock until you can recite all of the lyrics to “Back in Black”.


  • hahahha! the credits were my favorite part 🙂

  • kabuna ashinta

    you guys are fukin funny.

  • M@


    perhaps, for Leta’s sake, it should be prefaced with “no water was hurt in the making of this video”…

  • uhhtack

    in fourth grade my best friend and i did everything together, including trips to the bathroom, i mean girls still do that but at her parents house it was like a separate room from the sink and tub and what not so i’d go in there while she pooped or peed and i didn’t know what a bidet was and neither did she, so as she was pooping i turned it on and soapy butt cleaning water sprayed into my face… your entry reminded me of that lovely memory.

  • CompletelyWorthlessBum

    LOL. I’m glad that you remembered to credit “Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” for the green grass, because so many people forget to do that.

  • Awww, I want a doggie! I wonder how I can go about sneaking one into my 12 x 12 dorm room to live with me. Hmmmm…

  • Wow, Chuck is hard-core. Maybe if you toned down the background music, he’d calm down when you are watering the lawn. Maybe.

  • J Niel

    Nice music, but was I alone in hoping to hear Leta?

  • I kinda wish we could have heard Leta screaming about the water-hurting.

    I never knew Chuck could dance.

  • mania72

    Chuck’s own personal WaterPik! Lucky pup.

  • shredbettie

    Mania72 beat me to my punchline.

  • ali

    ha. i can’t hear the words sugar booger and not think:
    “Lelaina. pierce. is there a lelaina pierce.”
    “uh, yeah.”

    ha ha ha ha ha.

  • you is very funny lady and your daug is a little (lot) crazy xx

  • I heart Chuck. That’s all.

  • My dad’s dog would provide similar amusement whenever I’d crank up the garden hose.

    In contrast to Chuck’s sneak attack from behind, she would run directly at the hose, picking up the stream 30 feet away and chasing it down to the source.

    Good times!

  • Sun_Spot_Baby

    Chuck is “da dog!” Makes me yearn for a dog, but my two cats may not agree…..

  • Maybe Leta was worried the water would hurt Chuck?

  • I literally laughed out loud when the end credits came up. That video was awesome. Definitely wasn’t expecting it to be so edited/fancified.

    Now I want McDonald’s fries. Damn you woman!

  • jes

    That reminded me of one thing: when Chuck first saw himself in the mirror, and was all, “What? Huh? What are you doing in there? Who are you?” And then I bet he snarled a bit, just to show his reflection who’s boss.

    Except this time, it was with a sprinkler head and a sharp spray of water.

    Chuck: The Protector.

  • Mmm … burger with fries.

  • Laurie

    That is hysterical!! Go Chuck!

    If you have Flash 8 you can use the Flash Encoder to convert the .mov file to a .flv and then export as a .swf file.

  • 80s rock is back! Love the music.

  • so he’s like, ummm, pressure washing his teeth right?

  • chollyson

    Excellent choice of song.

    Chuck, I appreciate your ill-advised determination. Never give up, Chuck, never give up.

  • Brilliant credits! Love the new improved production quality. 🙂

  • I feel so much better knowing my dog isn’t completely insane! Ozzy, our 6 month old black lab from hell…attacks the sprinkler heads too.

    He’ll get his face an inch from where the water is spraying out and start barking at it….while drowning himself!
    Once he realizes that he needs air, he jumps back and attacks the next sprinkler head.

    Our 2 year old daughter only freaks out when she’s trapped between him and the sprinkler head!

  • rockr girl

    you have made me love you even more than ever.

    and i didn’t know that it was fully possible until this very moment.

    forever, and ever. amen.

  • JennJenn

    Sugar Booger!

    Still laughing….still


  • That was absolutely fantastic. I loved the credits!!! AHAHAHAHA

  • Amusement! My dog tries to eat the air that comes out of the computer’s fan.. hehe.

  • I see a link between chuck’s activities and the sprinklers suddenly deciding to water the house rather than the lawn.


  • cate

    You put his collar on correctly!!

    I love the ending credits!!


    More exclamation points!!!!!

  • Alexandria

    *big silly grin*
    One of my black labs does the Same Exact Thing to anything that sprays water.
    The other one hides from anything that sprays water.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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