the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Probably why he became a dentist and not a politician

Our dentist takes a few cursory glances at Leta’s mouth and says that because she regularly sucks her thumb, the position of her upper teeth has become distorted. “Not to worry,” he says, waving his left hand while using his right to sign off on the bill we will momentarily pay. “You can’t really stop her from sucking her thumb at this age, but when she gets to kindergarten and the kids make fun of her, she’ll stop because she’ll feel so incredibly stupid.”

Good advice coming from someone who told me, “It’s your wisdom teeth pushing against the other teeth in your mouth that causes the bottom part of your smile to be so ugly.”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more