An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Celebrating with song

Today Leta turns 33 months old, and I was all set this morning to put together a newsletter when the babysitter called to cancel. Last night she broke up with her Peruvian boyfriend, and let’s just say that I’m about this close to stringing up a certain Peruvian by his fancy Peruvian toenails. I don’t ever say much here about our babysitter because I am not about to go near the issue of an employer blogging about an employee, someone else can play that guinea pig, thank you very much. Plus, you know that there are all sorts of activist groups who’d take that case on, like maybe the ACLU or PETA, and those people fight dirty.

That doesn’t mean she avoids this website, though. She reads it regularly and has expressed disappointment in the past when I haven’t written about her. And she always jokes that she’s going to start her own website about the behind-the-scenes drama that goes on in this house. She’d have plenty of embarrassing material, particularly because she has become the little sister I never had and I’m always confiding in her, woman-to-woman, about things I’ve done that would end any Presidential aspirations I ever had, things that are worse than anything I’ve ever revealed on this website. How could that be? You ask. What could possibly be more shameful that admitting to sticking an A1 Steak Sauce bottle into someone else’s pooper? Plenty, and that feeling you’re feeling right now, the one that goes STOP, WHATEVER IT IS I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW, you should seriously embrace that instinct because it will save you a lot of unnecessary vomit.

On that note, here’s a happy Month 33 to Leta. The newsletter will be forthcoming, but in the meantime I’ve put together a short video of Leta singing her ABC’s (it is by far her favorite thing to sing, and she’s come a long way since this) with a little extra footage of Chuck wondering anxiously about the accelerated warming of the polar ice caps.

Launch video (1.5 MB Quicktime file)

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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