Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

Despite taking my meds regularly

The final wall in our new house is being painted this afternoon, and later today the first plank of the new hardwood floor is being laid in the living room. The previous owners installed brand new carpet about three years ago, really beautiful carpet that I’m sure would be totally fine except for, you know, that small percentage of my personality that is Type A or, for lack of a better word, “psycho.” No way my heart would survive a week knowing the things that Leta could spill on that floor, things that would leave permanent stains and odors. And yes, I know, I am perfectly aware and comfortable with the fact that this is only one of many parts of my personality that she will bring up with a therapist in college when trying to explain why she routinely throws darts at a picture of my very large forehead.

We found a local company that specializes in eco-friendly woods, and after a very short period of consideration we decided to go with these six-inch-wide chocolate oak planks:

They will run throughout the living room, down the hall and into our new office. I thought the dark chocolate color worked really well with the color of the walls. In the living room, Polaris:

In the hallway and office (and the kitchen and Leta’s bedroom), Architectural Cream:

Our bedroom’s new color is Canvas:

All these paint colors are from Ralph Lauren, but because of the way their website is set up I can’t link to the individual colors, and can I just take a moment here and rant a tiny bit? I don’t do that a lot around here, the ranting, I’m much more about hugs and kisses and caresses of the backside, but I just get so frustrated when I’m trying to link to something and the people, THE PEOPLE! They make it as hard as possible for me to link to them. Do you know what I’m talking about? They throw around all these flash interfaces or frames or pop-up windows that I CANNOT LINK TO. And so if I want to point out something I have to say:

1. Click here.

2. When you get there click down over there.

3. There, yes.

4. Once that page comes up look over to the left.

5. Over there.

6. No, over there.

7. See it?

8. No?

9. Then you’ll just have to trust me that it was the coolest thing you would have ever seen.

Why do this to me? It is so very unnecessary. Like toilets that flush themselves. Just, why?

Jon was a little skeptical about the colors. He initially thought they were very muted, especially considering how I normally decorate, which I think he would compare to the way Southern women style their hair. LOUDLY. And I don’t know what came over me, I just want to be able to live with these colors for many, many years, and I think I can use other items to add that certain oomph to a room, you know? Like the sculpture of a stranger’s vagina over the mantel, or a coffee table in the shape of a shark. Did you see that? How I linked directly to the items I wanted to link to? That is the power of this whole World Wide Web, people. To be able to find and share treasures like this. You go right ahead and click that link and be thankful that Al Gore invented the Internet.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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