An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

A living illustration

Yesterday was a terrible day due to the unpleasant mood of a particular child, and during one brief 20-minute period when she wasn’t clawing at her face she said a few cute things to herself, like, “My mom’s name is Heather Armstrong,” and, “My dad’s name is Jon,” and for a moment I forgot what I was dealing with and asked her, “Leta, are you adorable?”

Which was the wrong thing to ask because she fell in the floor and started screaming, “NO, I AM NOT ADORABLE!”

And since there was nothing left to lose I just kept at her, “Why are you not adorable?”

“BECAUSE I AM NOT ADORABLE!”

“Are you being contrary?”

“I AM NOT BEING CONTRARY!”

“I think this is the definition of being contrary.”

“THIS IS NOT THE DEFINITION OF BEING CONTRARY!”

And she said all of this while violently shaking her head. Who wouldn’t want one of these?

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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