Heater, Mother of Lance

Media blitz

This week was swallowed up in a chaotic frenzy that started Monday morning when a photographer for a local Mormon-owned newspaper showed up to take a picture of me and the dogs to run with a story from the Wall Street Journal that they would be re-printing. The photo that they chose shows that all the work we’ve been doing with Coco is starting to pay off, and you can’t look at her regal profile and not be totally confused about how something so dashing would be so willing to guzzle its own feces.

Also featured in the photograph: all the prints that are hanging in the wrong direction on my living room wall, and so I think this means I have to leave them this way. Not that I ever had any intention of correcting this wrong, but now there is this Official Picture of Heather B. Armstrong, Her Two Champion Canines, and Hard Physical Evidence that Prozac Changes Lives. If I moved the prints around now I’d be denying my true self, would be saying that I couldn’t look at that wall one more second when in fact I could look at that wall all day long and not once have the urge to reach out and flip around a frame. This is why they need to change the literature on the side of certain anti-depressants to read: side effects may include finding yourself reacting to certain situations LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING.

Wednesday I was in an all-day meeting with two lovely people from a management agency in Hollywood, and the only detail I can really reveal about all that mess is that if we ever have to hold a casting for someone to play Jon, I’m totally gunning for John Larroquette.

Wednesday evening Jon and I participated in a round table discussion about blogging with a local ABC news journalist named Chris Vanocur. The program airs locally on Sunday morning at 10 AM on channel 30, but you can see it online now at the ABC 4 website. I’m also going to embed it here because the ad server on the ABC website keeps refreshing and restarting the video and HEY, ABC 4, CUT IT OUT.

(video removed because of a very annoying auto-start feature that was giving me and many others a migraine, sorry about that)

Just want to point out that I think Chris Vanocur has the hots for the other blogger on the show, Sarah Nielson, and at various points in the video you can see that his passionate crush is making him flustered. You’ll see them exchanging loaded glances at each other, and there is this specific moment where he can’t remember that the word he wants to use is “complimentary” because he’s so focused on the alluring curve of Sarah’s hair as it cascades down her bosom that both Jon and I suddenly felt like a third and fourth wheel.

(Also: how hot is my husband in that video? SIZZLING.)

Thursday a reporter for the local CBS affiliate visited the house and spent several hours interviewing me and Jon about what it’s like to run this website. He and his camera crew startled Coco when they rang the doorbell, and she greeted them with enraged, raucous barking and by running head-first into the glass door. The reporter was concerned that Coco might have hurt herself and wondered if she temporarily blacked out, but I assured him that Coco had weathered far worse circumstances, like that one time she wouldn’t stop barking at the garbage can so we threw her inside it and then tied it shut with a bungee cord. I think he took me seriously so I assured him that we only left her in there for three days.

The interview lasted all morning, and then they returned in the afternoon so that they could get footage of us hanging out with Leta. When we picked her up from school we told her that a photographer was coming over to take pictures and then spent the next hour saying, no, Leta, you cannot take off your pants. But she wanted to take off her pants, she always got to take her pants off after school, and I was all, I know, I hate wearing pants, too, but she was going to have to find the strength somewhere inside her to remain clothed for at least the next half hour. So she said, “If I leave my pants on can I have four treats?” And I was all, of course! I don’t see anything wrong with rewarding such hard work.

We’re not sure when that segment is airing, I’ll certainly keep you posted, and I’m wondering if they’re going to be able to use any of the footage they got of Leta because suddenly her vocabulary shrunk to three words: pee-pee, poo-poo, and POOOOOOOP. Because she wanted to stand out from all the other four-year-olds on earth.

  • Jen

    2008/04/18 at 11:42 am

    Who new that a little ol’Mormon girl from Utah could get famous without being kidnapped!

    Well done and congrats.

  • k-m-s

    2008/04/18 at 11:43 am

    And that she does! Your whole family, in fact.

    Thanks for always making us laugh!

  • Alice

    2008/04/18 at 11:45 am

    Um. Jon is so hot. (You too, Heather, obv.)

  • Reggie

    2008/04/18 at 11:45 am

    Great to finally hear the voice behind one of my one of my strongest addictions!


  • DM

    2008/04/18 at 11:46 am

    I just wanted to say that I loved the hippo you got at Target and was thrilled to find it myself. I love your daily style, links and Chuck (and Coco as well).

    Thanks for making things so entertaining, I love your style because you make parenting sound intriguing. Not enough to actually have a child but enough that I can actually handle being around small children for more than 5 minutes without screaming. My nephew thanks you for this as well.

  • Tasty

    2008/04/18 at 11:49 am

    So, if I leave MY pants on, can I get four treats, too? Because I might leave them on way more often if I can.

    Keep up the good work, Dooce, you rockstar, you.

  • Larissa

    2008/04/18 at 11:51 am

    You really need your own reality show.

    I agree with Reggie – it’s nice to finally put a voice with you and your personality. I think I just fell in love with you a little bit more.

    Also as a long-time reader and first time commenter, I just want you to know, Dooce always brightens my day. Seriously.

  • Christine

    2008/04/18 at 11:52 am

    What an amazing time for you guys! It’s almost surreal.

  • Shelly

    2008/04/18 at 11:53 am

    Well crap…If I knew I got FOUR treats I’d have put my pants on before 5pm yesterday.

  • jon deal

    2008/04/18 at 11:54 am

    All three of you did really well.

    And Vanocur OBVIOUSLY has a crush on Sarah.

  • Anonymous

    2008/04/18 at 11:54 am

    I’m proud of you girl.

  • elisabeth

    2008/04/18 at 11:54 am

    You are AWESOME. Congrats on this success. You inspire me not only to write more, but to teach my dog to balance things on his head.

  • Jennifer

    2008/04/18 at 11:55 am

    Wow…Jon’s Hot.
    There, I said it.
    Uses his hands WAY too much when he talks, but I can totally overlook that.

  • Sarah

    2008/04/18 at 11:57 am

    I think this is the first time ANYONE has referenced my alleged bosom. My mother would be so proud.

  • Dale Cruse

    2008/04/18 at 12:00 pm

    First time I’ve ever heard Jon speak.

    Heather, your accent isn’t that bad this time. Of course you probably didn’t say “crayon!”

  • tracy

    2008/04/18 at 12:01 pm

    I’m curious what it is about children & the need to take off their clothes, and I’m really curious if my child will have the same affinity towards nakedness.

    congrats on all your media coverage ~ well deserved!

  • Enjolie

    2008/04/18 at 12:02 pm

    just wanted to send you some love, Heather! I’m actually in tax class right now (oops), but can’t wait to get out and watch the video!


  • Ginger

    2008/04/18 at 12:03 pm

    Thanks for all the laughs. My fave was the racoon series of pics and of course, everything Chuck. Leta has reconciled me to the realities of the world of a 4-year-old. It’s good to know what’s coming when mine turn 4…
    The message from your Mum on the answering machine made me cry with laughter and those Leta Princess Song videos just made me cry. I guess what I’m trying to say in a characteristically eloquent style is – I love dooce.com and I feel my butt growing! 😉

    Hugs across the globe and keep it up. ~ Love, Ginger

  • Kara

    2008/04/18 at 12:03 pm

    Um, I’d like to suggest John Corbett (Aidan from SATC) to play Jon. Same name (sorta), same overall dashing and cuddly aesthetic. Ok? Ok.

  • Jenn D

    2008/04/18 at 12:03 pm

    I just have to say it. I absolutely ADORE your accent. I’m going to spend the rest of my day trying to talk just like you. Well, not really, but it’s a creepy thought, ain’t it?

  • Anonymous

    2008/04/18 at 12:03 pm

    Did anybody else tell you that you look like Reese Witherspoon? It never occurred to me before from your pictures but on video, you definitely look like her.

  • Tootsie Farklepants

    2008/04/18 at 12:04 pm

    NOW I know why you haven’t Twittered in days! You’re busy rockin’ the super star thang! Congrats to you!

    **currently wearing pants**

  • Tara's Mom

    2008/04/18 at 12:05 pm

    I think I am responsible for at least a MILLION of your web hits. My 11 year old daughter is now also a Dooce “addict” and is really impressed with Chuck. She likes to replicate Chucks photo accomplishments with her Guinea Pigs…sooooo funny, yet almost torturous.

    Love you!

  • Petunia Face

    2008/04/18 at 12:06 pm

    I agree with the John Corbett casting with maybe a little David Duchovny thrown in.

  • Petunia Face

    2008/04/18 at 12:06 pm

    I agree with the John Corbett casting with maybe a little David Duchovny thrown in.

  • Sara

    2008/04/18 at 12:06 pm

    the part about leta wanting take off her pants almost made me cry i was laughing so hard!

    I can’t wait to here what you guys are meeting with hollywood producers for!

  • Lauren

    2008/04/18 at 12:07 pm

    I could see Chris Vanocur’s mind boner from here! Shudder.

  • Shala

    2008/04/18 at 12:07 pm

    WOW! What a week for you and your family. You really deserve the recognition.

  • PaintingChef

    2008/04/18 at 12:07 pm

    And here I’d been rewarding my husband for taking his pants OFF. Good god I’ve got it backwards!

    Thanks for clearing that one up…

  • Knaphrodesiac

    2008/04/18 at 12:08 pm

    Well done, Leta. As for me, the moment I grace the tube for the first time when I become famous I, too will say “Poop”, “pee-pee”, and probably also “fart”.

  • Debbie

    2008/04/18 at 12:09 pm

    Way to go! I love you for bringin’ big eyebrows back!!

    I know it’s a hard battle, I too am waiting for time to go home so I can take off my pants.

  • Sarah

    2008/04/18 at 12:10 pm

    You sound so Southern! Congrats on all the recent excitement, and I’m definitely looking forward to clips of Leta saying “POOOOOOOOP”

  • furp

    2008/04/18 at 12:13 pm

    you did great. can’t wait to see what other projects you take on.

    you always make me laugh

  • Kat

    2008/04/18 at 12:13 pm

    I thought I was the only one who took off the pants as soon as I got home. Glad to know I’m not alone.

    Also: Hee!

  • Lauren

    2008/04/18 at 12:18 pm

    Congrats on loads of success Heather! Keep strong, you’re the best!

  • Anonymous

    2008/04/18 at 12:19 pm

    so my brother in law was reading the wall street journal last week and i saw your pic on the front… i was then all “dude thats dooce!!” and he was all “huh?” and i was all “dont you have the internet?!”….

  • Tabitha in Nashville

    2008/04/18 at 12:22 pm

    I love that they had to specify how to pronounce Dooce.

  • MontanaJen

    2008/04/18 at 12:24 pm

    Dude – the TV guy creeped me out just a little. I’m sure he’s quite nice, but you’re right, he wants to jump Sarah.

    And really, who wouldn’t? Hottie, that one.

    Great interview! Yay for you guys!

  • Jessica

    2008/04/18 at 12:24 pm

    Congrats on all the publicity! Glad to see my addiction to Dooce is somewhat justified. It’s like the site is laced with crack or something. Can’t get enough! 😉

  • Lyz

    2008/04/18 at 12:25 pm

    Pretty sure not wearing pants is the meaning of life.

    Also, I concur with the sentiment about the Armstrongs having their own reality show. I’d watch hours of footage of you sitting at the computer not wearing pants, interspersed by the occasional dog poop incident. Sounds a heck of a lot better than the George Lopez show.

  • elisabeth

    2008/04/18 at 12:25 pm

    Just finished watching the video. The three of you did a terrific job. Love how Jon started to elaborate/defending how he gropes you. And I laughed out loud when Vancouver couldn’t remember the word, complimentary. Ha ha! “You know what I mean, right?”


  • J. Bo

    2008/04/18 at 12:25 pm

    Y’all rocked that show! Congratulations on your well-earned media attention.

    But, please, Heather… sit up straight. As I posted over at Blurbomat, you are a tall, willowy goddess and you should TOTALLY own it.

  • Amy in Ohio

    2008/04/18 at 12:27 pm

    I’m totally using that picture as my family Christmas card – and I’m not gonna even photoshop my family into it.

  • Leesavee

    2008/04/18 at 12:29 pm

    I’m totally with Leta on the pants issue. If I could work from home, I would NEVER put them on.

    Regarding Central Casting: my vote is for Reese Witherspoon (she does look like you, Heather) and Jake Gyllenhaal. Hot and cute! Chuck will have to play himself.

    And really now…Jon’s adorable! And I’m so excited for you…whatever it is that’s going on. Congratulations!

  • erose

    2008/04/18 at 12:29 pm

    Seeing the exchange between the interviewer and Sarah actually made me feel just a bit dirty.

  • Sarah

    2008/04/18 at 12:29 pm

    You and Jon are such a wonderful couple. Congratulations on your success. You are WAY cuter than that other chick on the show. The host wasn’t flirting with you because he was skerd of Jon, that’s all.

  • andrea

    2008/04/18 at 12:30 pm

    I wondered when the movie about your life was coming out!

  • Michelle

    2008/04/18 at 12:30 pm

    My kids start taking off their clothes before they get out of the car after school.

    Oh and I definitely see the air of attraction between Vancouver and Goldilocks. Truth be told, her billowing hair was enough to swoon me a little.

  • amy

    2008/04/18 at 12:31 pm

    you guys are SO cute!

  • Amanda

    2008/04/18 at 12:32 pm

    Congratulations on all your success! I hope it’s not too overwhelming. I love reading your blog and appreciate all the hard work you put into it.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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