the smell of my desperation has become a stench

The dress I’m going to be wearing when I meet Matt Lauer

Last week I went searching all over the valley looking for a dress to wear in New York, all the usual chain stores and malls, and I could not find anything that fit right or didn’t make me look a little too much like my Granny. Except this one fabulous blue shift hanging on a rack at Nordstrom, but when I looked at the tag and it said $299 I blacked out and hit my head on the escalator.

And I don’t know why I do this, but I always wait until I’ve exhausted all my options before I go to my favorite local boutique called Koo De Ker, and that just gives away the amount of Skittles in my brain because that store has clothed me for two weddings and three conferences. They never fail to have exactly what I’m looking for, and I saw this dress the moment I walked in. And it was all of $59. So I’ve convinced myself that I totally saved $240. THE LOGIC OF SHOPPING.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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