An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

You might need to run this through a translator

I bet you pronounce crayon wrong. YES, YOU. I’M LOOKING AT YOU.

Someone today (hi, Yao!) challenged me to participate in the new collaborative Flickr group called Word Time which was set up to, ahem, “share the variations in our pronunciations with weekly lists of words.” Which is an elaborate way of saying here, record yourself talking so we can sit at home and laugh at you. This week’s list of words can be seen here and it includes words like: barbiturate, diaphragm, and stethoscope. I know. Why not HAIRY BUTTOCK? Because with my accent those two words would have come out sounding like PARADISE.

So why not? Except, I couldn’t do it without having Jon do his own pronunciations, and then there’s all that email that goes, don’t you pronounce “crayon” funny? NO I DON’T. IN FACT, I PRONOUNCE IT ACCURATELY, PAY ATTENTION. So this video ended up being more than two minutes long. And then it was too long to put up on Flickr, so instead we had to put it up on Vimeo, and the only reason we’re going through the trouble of all of this is because, this? This here thing here? Yeah, if you’ve ever wondered what goes on in our house all day, just take this video and multiply it by about a million. Watch Coco get so fed up with my Southern accent that she CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE and jumps off the couch. Welcome to our home, Internet, please remove your pants before stepping through the doorway.

  • Jersey Girl

    It is totally pronounced crown.

  • in connecticut, we say it “cran”.

    i’m so joining word time! it looks fun, and i have a new flip cam!

  • It. Is. Pronounced. Cray-on.

    How fitting it is as well that the word I have to enter below to post to prevent spam is “therapists” btw.

  • Brandy

    Pants are overrated – here, I’ve brought Johnny Walker Blue.

    Great video! This sudden live Dooce exposure has been really fantastic. Do you think a once-a-week video post might be do able? Live Chuck tricks! A little more in-depth video Daily Style?

    Would Madam desire more alcohol whilst pondering her answer?

  • RH

    Jon is right…cray…yon.

    2 distinct syllables!!

    You 2 are very funny! Thanks for the daily laughter.

  • Cray On.



    But don’t worry – John’s clogs cancel out his correct pronunciation of the word so you’re still even.

  • My tongue betrays me whenever I try to pronounce “rural”. So I just don’t. It’s just easier to say, “you know, where there’s a lot of openness and no big city, and perhaps a cow”.

    I’ve also omitted “ornery” from my vernacular. I think they made that one hard on purpose.

  • J.

    Pants-less households are the BEST! And I love various pronunciations of words, how boring would it be if we all sounded like Peter Jennings? So let’s see…if I twist my lower lip a bit to the left, I too can get the correct pronunciation of “crayon.”

  • Sarah

    Just delurking to say I think I’m in love with you two.

  • Cran- Thats how I say it. I’d fall over dead if I had to call it crown.

  • Anna

    how do you say “crown” then?


  • CROWN!

  • I love the contortion of your hand when you’re talking about the work “crayon”.

  • Yup, I say cran too. Like cranberry. And I’m a Midwestern girl so everything comes out through my nose…especially Plaza. You guys sound much better saying it than I do. At my house we spend our free time beating each other with foam baseball bats and blow up boxing gloves. You’re much more civilized with your fancy shoes and indoor toilets!

  • That was hilarious!

    I say cra-yon because the thinkin’ about the syllables was beat into me in high school drama class.

  • Tek

    “c-yan the scorr you scorrred” I’m going to be saying that in my head for days now.

  • Chloe

    It’s pronounced “Crayn” …. I am a native of Ohio, though, so that’s my only defense.

  • The only word in my vocabulary is Dooce!

  • 1. Your accent is awesome – so jealous and that was hilarious.

    2. Kathie Lee Gifford is a moron.

    3. I would have punched her.

    4. I wrote about it on my blog … the link is here:

    5. And can’t wait to see what you have to say about it.

  • Although.. I must say, I enjoy saying “toilet” .. I say “toh-lut” and “oil” i say “ohl” and the name “Kyle” .. “kuhl”

  • Susan

    So I checked it out with my co workers…I say cray – on but they all say crawn – I think it’s a eastern side of the US thing. I’m from Ohio so I have no idea where I got cray – on. Either way makes me laugh.

  • Leigh

    Actually, Heather, your southern accent doesn’t show up in the individual words nearly as much as when your just conversing. It’s a very nice accent.

  • Anonymous

    Been reading and enjoying Dooce for years…and just have to comment this first time. I’m from the same exact ‘backwoods’ place that Heather is from, and, unexpectedly i suppose, I pronouce crayon just as Jon does.

    Enjoy your videos! Would love to see more!

  • Crown all the way.
    But I was born across the river from Memphis – so I may not count.

  • I’m from Memphis too and I say cray-on. But maybe it’s a Barlett thang. 😉

  • It’s totally CROWN!

    P.S. Good to see your marriage is just like the rest of ours, lol!

  • Sam

    My dog started barking right at the same time that Coco got up from the couch. What is it with dogs and Southern accents?

  • Marianna Wilde

    You know, I am having the worst week and hearing you say “crown” just totally cheered me up. Out of all the people who say crayon the stupid way, you are my favourite.

  • Well I am a mess when it comes to pronunciations. My parent5s are English immigrants, I was raised in Canada, married an upstate New Yorker and lived in Virginia and now live in Alaska. I have NO idea how to pronounce anything or if I will get laughed at whenever I open my mouth so I tend to stay silent, (ha, yeah right)

    BTW, I linked to you the other day and took your advice on a furminator…LOOOVE IT!

  • Alexia

    Ha! You two are adorable. I didn’t naturally expect that level of adorableness.

  • Stephanie

    Darjeeling is a kind of tea… And I call them “tennis shoes,” although it’s really pronounced “tenni-shoes.”
    PS, your Southern accent really comes through when you spell crayon.

  • holly farrell

    Hi Heather-
    I just started reading/following your blog a few months ago. I’m a sahm and your blog has helped me get through some very difficult days. Besides my therapist and you, no other mom has ever really ever been completely honest about how the difficulties of raising children can drive the mom to the edge.

    Thanks for being so honest about the experience. And thanks for not censoring your humor. Anyone who has a problem with what you’re doing or saying, shouldn’t come here. Simple as that.

    Best wishes to you and your lovely family.

    p.s. say crayon any way you’d like- tomato, toe-ma-toe,
    cray-on, crown….

  • Lauren

    I think I have just figured out a way to make my New York born and raised partner’s head explode. Put me and Heather in a room together for about 10 minutes. With my Texas accent and your TN. accent…well, I can only imagine the fun!

    hee hee!

    It’s funny though…just recently I have noticed her using “fixin” more ( ex. “I’m fixin to mow the lawn”). I think that means I’m winning, y’all! 🙂

  • I have to agree with Jon on this one — it’s Cray – On. A crown is what you put on your head, you know like all the Princesses wear! If I take off my pants, it might sound more like Crown.

  • Lara

    Um, did you know your pictures in the background are hung incorrectly?

  • Preetalina

    Hilarious! Heather, you are awesome and an inspiration!

  • Kate

    I say “Cran” – like cranberry without the berry.

    Damn, I lost my berries!

  • One word
    One way to say it
    CRAY – ON

  • Katie

    Damn, girl, your accent gets thick when you want it to.

    And Jon’s so right. If it was supposed to be “crown” isn’t that how it would be spelled? But it’s CRAY-ON!

  • So do you guys say mirr-or or meer?

  • Cray-on. *Maybe* Cran, if you’re in a hurry. Crown? Woman, you are weird. I cannot believe you have abused your daughter by teaching her how to pronounce that word incorrectly.

  • Heather

    As a fellow Heather, I feel bad betraying you, but…

    …I’m with Jon on this one.

    CRAY-on. Like RAY-on.

  • I vote you timestamp (not just datestamp) your posts so people like me can see just how long the time lag is between you hitting publish and the first comment.

    It’s pronounced Cray-On.

    But more importantly, do you say PAWsta or PASSta for pasta? That’s got to be my #1 pet peeve.

    And I’d like to second the anticipation for your thoughts on the Today Show segment. I wrote about it last week too:

  • Maiken H.

    My mom’s family does this over the word horrible. My grandmother was from New York and my grandfather is from Arkansas. So it’s whore-eh-bull versus har-eh-bull. Good times!

  • I’m with Jon on this one, Heather. I say it the way it’s spelled.

    And congratulations on the Nightline segment, it was really wonderful!

    Kathie Lee who?

    Is it wrong that my favorite part was when you were scrolling through the comments on one of your Flickr photos, and I saw my own comment? “Hey! That’s ME! I’M ON NIGHTLINE TOO OMG!”

    Okay, going to take the man his lunch now.

  • donnad

    Could you and Jon please say “MIRROR” ? I need to laugh (and cry) a little more today!

    And why can’t I find a link to your Today Show segment? Their website is totally lame.

  • LC

    I’m from Boston.
    There = “Theah”
    Harvard = “Hahvid”

  • Ahahahaha!!

    You said this is what goes on in this household on a daily basis and Jon says, “This is longer than 90 seconds.” Yeah, I totally get what goes on in your household every day. ADOPT ME PLEASE! I need a sister…

    And I hope you cackle when reading comments that snarkily compare what it has been estimated you earn with what you post about. Just say’n.

  • I say “cran”. Like CRAN-berry. Please excuse my inaccuracy. It took many years to master.

  • gimmegirlX

    The two of you made me giggle like a fool. Love it!

    In Michigan, it’s CRAN.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more