Playful, elegant, and not above the judicious use of the word “shit."

Sending myself an expense report

I am going to be traveling all this week for business, so posting for the next several days will be fairly light. I’ll try to post a few pictures and Twitters from the three cities I’m visiting while I’m gone, although now that it is summer they will all probably read: IT IS NOT SNOWING HERE. I AM NEVER GOING HOME. PLEASE SEND LETA AND CHUCK. YOU CAN KEEP COCO.

There is a huge post coming about That Awful Dog and how we now know it’s going to be a good day when we come upstairs and there isn’t a treasure map of green diarrhea stretching across the kitchen floor. That problem is solved, fortunately, although the following day we accidentally let her roam around the house for thirty seconds, and later that afternoon we noticed several of Leta’s dolls were missing heads.

Coco The Decapitator.

Also, today I’m going to wear a pair of mustard yellow tights with a dress that actually fits my body per the urging of two young women in my life who think I need to take my wardrobe up a notch. I suspect I might change my mind at the last second and grab a shirt that hangs loosely over my chest because I am a chicken and also because otherwise Jon might be tempted to grope me in front of Very Important People. Although he would probably turn to the suit sitting across the table and say, dude, you’ve read her website. You know that this is what I do.

Actually, that’s probably how I’m going to introduce him: Hi, I’m Heather, and this is my husband who likes to grope me as I bend over to unload the dishwasher. You should take us very seriously.

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