Heater, Mother of Lance

And… boom

Yesterday was one of those days when the Universe wraps itself around my head and humps my skull just to show its dominance. Sort of like the times Coco climbs on top of Chuck’s backside and moves her lady parts in and out, in and out, as if that would even work if things were functioning, and Chuck just stands there and lets her do it, sometimes glancing over at me as if to say, she thinks I’m buying this. She really thinks this is intimidating, and we both know that all this means is she is a total fucking nutjob.

Except, I believe the Universe very much when it tells me it is in charge. And a lot of what happened and then continued to happen yesterday falls squarely into the bag of things I will not write about on this website. And that bag is labeled PRESERVING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

I think things were made worse by my mood, one of wanting to walk around shooting randomly at things that could splatter or at least topple over in a magnificent way, and I don’t even believe in the right to own a gun. In the last few days I have received innumerable requests to weigh in on what is currently going on with the circus that is the Republican National Convention, and I call it a circus because I’m trying to be nice. You have to understand that my family reads this website, and in order for us to have a working relationship I have to be careful when I write about certain things. But my blood pressure is such that if I don’t say a few things about this then my head may just explode, and then it’d be all their fault. And they’d go to jail. So this is how I’m rationalizing what I am about to write.

I am angry. I am infuriated. And I don’t think I would be if Sarah Palin were a qualified or competent choice as McCain’s running mate. But the fact, the reality is that she is not. And instead of demanding better from their party, instead of going, wait a minute, no, we deserve better than this, many Republicans are contorting themselves into a denial of reality. (please read this, it’s a report from the AP, not some spooky liberal blog that wants to kill babies) And that right there is what has been going on for the last eight years.

And I am just so damn sick of it.

Any time I engage with one of my conservative friends or family members, or sometimes the conservative commenters on this website, it usually devolves into them screaming about WELFARE! and TAXES! and THE GOVERNMENT IS TAKING MY MONEY AND GIVING IT TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T WORK! And what they don’t understand is that this is not the issue at all. What I and many of my more liberal friends want is to HELP people, not give them a free ride, but also not to ignore those who would benefit from us tossing them a life jacket.

Case in point: Because Leta was diagnosed with plagiocephaly when she was two months old, she cannot qualify for private insurance until she is thirteen years old. So the only insurance we can get her is high-risk insurance that costs us upwards of $300 a month. Just for her alone. And even then that insurance won’t cover anything until she has reached a $3000 deductible. I am fortunate enough to have grown up in a white, middle class family who could afford to send me to college, as did my husband, and we have enough work experience to run a business that makes it so that we can afford this insurance for our daughter. We don’t have to make the choice between buying food or insuring our daughter. We are really fucking lucky.

But what about the family who cannot afford that insurance for their child? The family who can barely make rent, and if they stretch the budget they can eat three meals a day all week, let’s hope nothing bad happens to their kids because then they’re screwed. Kids, go hug your father, he’s off to one of his three jobs, none of which provide him insurance. And it’s not because he’s lazy or unwilling to work, it’s that his family couldn’t afford to send him to college, or he came from a family that didn’t know they should encourage him to go to college because they were busy trying to survive. If giving up more of my paycheck could help get this family adequate healthcare, then PLEASE. TAKE MY FUCKING MONEY.

I get the feeling that people around the world are looking at this election as a gauge to see if America is finally ready to wake up and realize that we are not the only country on this planet. They are waiting to see if we are going to put yet another fundamentalist loon in charge of public and foreign policy, someone who doesn’t think that global warming is in any way caused by humans, so screw the rest of you who live here on this planet, we need that cup of oil with breakfast in the morning.

To my readers who do not live in America, who are not American, please know that there are so many of us here who are disgusted with what we have let happen in the last eight years and are doing everything we can to ensure that it stops. We are just as scared as you are of those around us who have their fingers in their ears and are going LA LA LA LA LA in an attempt to convince themselves that their behavior and their policies are not in direct violation of the teachings of the God they think put them in power.

Vote Obama 08

  • Debbie

    2008/09/04 at 11:51 am

    Thank you Heather – I knew I could count on you to hit the proverbial “nail on the head”. I watched this smart-mouth bitch give her speech last night, pointing her finger, and I wanted to go right through the television. I totally blame Sarah Palin for the friggin migraine I woke up with this morning!

  • bibliogrrl

    2008/09/04 at 11:52 am

    I can’t talk politics with my Dad. My Mom? Ok. My dad, no freaking way.

    This whole thing is giving me a daily stroke.

    I have no insurance. I had insurance, until I lost my job. I was not sad about the job, I was TERRIFIED about the insurance. (I have a much better and cooler job now, but no hope for insurance from it for 11 more months. Hopefully when I register for school in 2 months I’ll be able to get insurance then).

    COBRA (or, COOOOBBBRRRAAAA as I like to think of it) would have run me over $300 a month. Almost as much as my rent. Oh, did I mention that my super awesome job (and no, not sarcasm, I do love what I do), pays not much more than minimum wage?

    Between healthcare, the possible banning of books and women’s health issues – I have been crying out of anger every day. We cannot let them win.

  • Stellare

    2008/09/04 at 11:33 am

    Stay calm! 🙂 It’ll pass.

  • Kelly

    2008/09/04 at 11:34 am

    I don’t even try to talk to conservative friends and family or try to broach this subject on my blog because it all makes me so angry that all I can do is sputter and froth a little at the mouth.

    So I agree with you, and thanks for putting it so much more eloquently than I ever could.

  • gingela5

    2008/09/04 at 11:34 am

    I have a feeling this is opening up a whole can of worms. I’m staying neutral and out of it!

  • Daddy Scratches

    2008/09/04 at 11:35 am

    Dear god, I just wrote about going through this with family members over the weekend. The degree to which my blue-collar, struggling, middle-class relatives have been duped into believing that the political party standing on their throats and pissing down their backs is the one they should support is *mind boggling* to me.

  • Erin

    2008/09/04 at 11:35 am



  • Adrienne

    2008/09/04 at 11:35 am

    Thank you for being awesome. I keep looking at Palin like, really? that’s…the best they could come up with? And I’m not a little bit offended that the Republican party seems to think I’ll look at her and say “OMG, *you* have ovaries? *I* have ovaries! I should TOTALLY vote for you and that guy who was lobotomized by the Republican party two years ago in return for the CHANCE of being president!” As though, perhaps, the presence of my ovaries renders me retarded…

  • Heather

    2008/09/04 at 11:37 am

    Here, fucking, here.

    From Heather in Canada

  • Melissa

    2008/09/04 at 11:37 am

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am one of those crazy “liberal elites” who lives inside the Beltway, and you just said most everything I feel a lot more eloquently than I have been able to lately. Mostly because all of my energy has been spent trying to restrain myself from running people in McCain-Palin shirts off the roads, and/or throwing things at my TV.

  • Joanne

    2008/09/04 at 11:37 am

    I get a little weary of one group that says that the other group is all bad. You talk to conservatives and all they care about is their MONEY and all YOU care about is HELPING PEOPLE. It’s really tiresome.

  • Margaret

    2008/09/04 at 11:38 am

    Yeah…that Yahoo fact check article scared the shit out of me, too.

  • Kelsey

    2008/09/04 at 11:39 am

    THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS! I’ve been reading your blog for a looooong time and never felt the need to comment. Mostly, you make me laugh and sometimes you make me proud of being a woman. But thank you for letting us know that you have been watching the convention, I’ve been wondering how you have felt about the RNC. It’s embarassing, and I’m BARACKING MY VOTE! They have t-shirts you know. 🙂

  • Mike Beaumont

    2008/09/04 at 11:39 am

    Right on, Heather. Keep fighting the good fight.

  • lolismum

    2008/09/04 at 11:39 am

    Last night, I watched the Palin speech, I genuinely felt nauseated. It seemed like the convention audience had tears in their eyes as they chanted, “drill drill drill”.

  • Devon

    2008/09/04 at 11:40 am

    My boyfriend’s mother, an adamant McCain supporter is now voting for Obama because of Palin. That should say something to McCain and his campaign choices…

  • sarah

    2008/09/04 at 11:40 am

    Oh yes yes yes. I believe in this wholeheartedly, with fervor, gumption, and those words that mean intensely.

    Please save us from the right Obama. Because the whole world thinks we are assholes, and really, it’s just crazy uncle W doing all the stomping around and pissing off the party guests.

  • Julien Sharp

    2008/09/04 at 11:40 am

    Thank you, Heather, for saying on your high-trafficked blog what EVERYONE in America should be saying and thinking. The “empire” has no clothes, folks. Has. No. Clothes.

  • Anonymous

    2008/09/04 at 11:40 am

    I am sitting at my computer at 3.30am Sydney time feeding my newborn son and am suddenly so thankful that I have grown up in a world where my parents could encourage me to go to university and so did my partner, and that we can afford our son the benefits that come from living in the civilised world.

    As someone who comes from the other end of the planet – I am extremely hopeful that some sense will prevail and the gun totin’, backy chewin’, god fearin’, moose huntin’ folks will be told to go back to their (many) homes and that the real, honest people of the US will get some sanity – and the rest of the world will have someone worth listening to and working with on merit rather than by default as the most ‘powerful’ country on earth.

    If I had any faith in religion I would pray.

    Go Obama – the planet is waiting.

  • Michelle

    2008/09/04 at 11:40 am

    Amen, Heather! My family is very conservative Republican. I am the polar opposite-I believe in affordable health care for everyone. Affordable day care for working families. Closing the tax loopholes for large corporations. And what is it with people who don’t believe in global warming??? Anyway, we cannot discuss politics (or religion) in my family without it coming to an argument so severe that my mother has actually thrown me out of her house when I refused to agree that GWB was the second coming of Christ. Hopefully Obama will be elected and then I won’t have to move to Canada.

  • country girl

    2008/09/04 at 11:40 am

    wow — you should have so spoke at the DNC…i am calling them

  • Sharon

    2008/09/04 at 11:41 am

    I’ve been following the election with bated breath – and I’m Canadian.

  • Libby

    2008/09/04 at 11:42 am

    I feel the exact same way. People have been talking about Palin all day here at work, and I can’t deal with it. I just have to put my headphones on. I am trying to be objective because of my job, but inside I am screaming “wake up!!”

  • TED

    2008/09/04 at 11:42 am

    I feel like this every four years, but I’ve learned a) not to watch the RNC and b) not to listen to the news so much. I voted in the primary, and I’ll vote in the general election, but I have no faith in the American electorate, so for the sake of my blood pressure, I’m just pretending the election doesn’t exist until it’s time to wake up one morning and vote.

  • Susanna

    2008/09/04 at 11:42 am

    Thank you SO MUCH for taking this on. Seriously, Sarah Palin is just frightening and watching her win with no experiance or competence time and time again (I live in AK) because people look at her, but fail to listen or question her has got me pretty worked up about this election. Keep it up!

  • adena

    2008/09/04 at 11:42 am

    that final paragraph really says it all.

    way to put my feelings into words.

  • Grandmere

    2008/09/04 at 11:42 am

    Thank you for saying it so much better than my anger and frustration allow me to. Yesterday I also read that she cut the education budget for children with special needs in Alaska by 62% ! I have been so angry since then that it is hard to be articulate. While I try to keep from discussing politics with some of my friends and family, I am to the point of wanting to shout at them… Wake up! Look at the world around you and tell me it is better than it as 8 years ago.

  • Katherine

    2008/09/04 at 11:43 am

    I am SO with you on all of this, though I want to explode out of my own frustration and am lucky that my family is largely on my side, and because you have to hold it in so much more frequently I want to say, “Would it be awkward if I offered you a hug?” Except that wouldn’t help (and not because I am a stranger and that it is creepy) but because this week has shown that whiskey is a much more effective means of surviving the RNC, and clearly, the next few months. I am a glutton for self-punishment and have watched all of it that I can stand (namely Palin’s speeches) and have compared “the first half” (pre-cocktail) and “the second half” (with cocktail). Which was healthier for my sanity? I think you know. 🙂

  • Kirsten

    2008/09/04 at 11:43 am

    I wholeheartedly agree, thanks for sharing the post with us…and what is so damn bad about WANTING TO HELP people I wonder aloud, WHY NOT?!

  • Marty

    2008/09/04 at 11:43 am

    THANK YOU! You’re so much more eloquent than I am. I almost engaged a TOTAL STRANGER today at the farmer’s market because he was praising Palin to another customer for her “strong speech” and for being SO ready to be president. Shudder. We are all going to have to take many deep breaths in the weeks to come. Go Obama!

  • [michele]

    2008/09/04 at 11:44 am

    All I can say is Amen sistah, ditto, ITA. And thank you for writing it. 🙂

  • Amy J

    2008/09/04 at 11:44 am

    Don’t stay calm. Stay mad as hell and fight.

  • Katrina

    2008/09/04 at 11:45 am

    I have to agree on. I’m one of those people that work but are still poor. I work my ass off. I’m struggling to rebuild a failing karate studio.

    Right now I can’t pay rent and can barely buy food. I have no insurance and work in a somewhat dangerous job. I have to work out with other instructors, and we fight it’s what we do.

    It’s not that I don’t want to work or can’t work it’s just that right now I’m not in a place where I can afford insurance, or a roof over my head, or sometimes food.

  • Kim

    2008/09/04 at 11:45 am

    I tried to watch with an open mind because I was curious,
    really I did, but after about 15 minutes I had to turn her off because I was disgusted by her and the smiling, clapping idiots in the audience. Just because she has ovaries doesn’t mean I’ll vote for her.

    Nasty, nasty, nasty. I’m sick of it.

  • MissBaltimore

    2008/09/04 at 11:46 am

    “I get the feeling that people around the world are looking at this election as a gauge to see if America is finally ready to wake up and realize that we are not the only country on this planet”
    – MY sentiments, exactly. Living in the UK… the anxiety coming this way from the US is … palpable. Vote OBAMA, vote for anybody but McCain + Palin. Europe is laughing at the Republicans’ choice but it’s more like a nervous laugh. Whatever happens in the US has long-term affect on Europe.

  • JLP

    2008/09/04 at 11:46 am

    I am soooHOOOOoooo with you. Almost puked when Palin said the war is a task from God. I don’t get the hypocrisy of the GOP, not only to use religion when convenient, but also sexism (as displayed toward Hillary, but not Palin).

  • Beth

    2008/09/04 at 11:47 am

    Hear hear! I am also disgusted and keeping my fingers as far away from my ears as possible. Please don’t let your head explode – YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

  • bugink

    2008/09/04 at 11:47 am

    yes, yes, what she said.

  • Andi

    2008/09/04 at 11:47 am

    Heather, you are my HERO! I agree with you wholeheartedly. My boyfriend is Canadian and I have been humbled to hear how he and his friends perceive our beautiful (but sadly misled) country. Even though my family and a handful of my friends think I am crazy, I know that voting for Obama is the best thing I can do for my daughter’s future. Thanks for the post!

  • valerie

    2008/09/04 at 11:47 am

    Thank you. This is precisely what I’ve been saying since for the last eight months. How is it that the Republicans have simply forgotten that four years ago McCain was TOO LIBERAL FOR THEM? What happened to him? And why is the RNC acting like they invented women? It scares the crap out of me to think that there are female voters out there who really will vote for him just because of Sarah Palin (oh, man, don’t even get me started on what a colossally stupid idea she is. We all know McCain is going to drop dead four days after he’s sworn in and we’re going to have to put up with her stupidity for four years).

    Don’t get me wrong… I’m sort of disappointed in Obama, too. It makes me sad that he picked a VP who wasn’t the best choice for our nation, but rather the best choice for him personally (everyone knows that Hillary would have been the best choice for the country as a whole). The fact that he is even willing to say that we need to find “middle ground” on abortion and church and state terrifies me. But, I’ll vote for him and support him because at least he doesn’t stand in front of the entire country and tell lies so blatant that it’s insulting.

  • Ariel

    2008/09/04 at 11:48 am

    You are awesome Heather 🙂

  • editdebs

    2008/09/04 at 11:48 am

    I have told my son the reason I choose a specific candidate is by evaluating who is most likely to make it a priority to take care of the children of our nation. Who is really looking out for them? I don’t think there’s much of a choice here. If I have to pay more money so your child, my child, and the child living down the street have health insurance, then so be it. It’s part of my duty, yes I said duty, as a citizen to make sure every human has enough to eat, a doctor to help them when they’re sick, and a house to live in. That’s what I call FAMILY VALUES!

    Thanks, Heather. You’re awesome!

  • Pam

    2008/09/04 at 11:49 am

    Right on, Sister.

  • Imanitsud

    2008/09/04 at 11:49 am

    There must have been something in the air! I got into a huge fight with my family about this yesterday and probably permanently damaged my relationship with my uncle (and his sister). I’m not proud of that, or of myself for succumbing. I felt nauseous and horrid all day as a result, and I apologized for personalizing. But I will not apologize for calling a wolf a wolf. One of the earlier commenters said it best: that the working class are being manipulated into believing that the Republican party is better for them? Absolutely mind-boggling. And so frustrating b/c their minds are made up so let’s not confuse them with the FACTS or anything! Now, Sarah Palin is by most accounts, a fine enough person. I don’t really have a problem with her per se. I have a problem that John McCain chose her over numerous other, better, choices. What does that say about him and his decisions? It says he panders to those very people singing lalala. Anyway, you are right, you were right, and thanks for standing up for your beliefs.

  • J.

    2008/09/04 at 11:50 am

    The point is small government. Period. Why can’t subsidies for those less fortunate come in the way of a donation to a privately-controlled, non-for-profit agency or organization instead of the federal government? Or even a state run program that’s a little easier to control and manage? If the federal government lays down the law, then chances are someone is going to fall through the cracks, get “red-taped,” etc.

    I don’t want my hard earned tax dollars falling into a black hole of endless administration that intends to help but is often for naught.

    Republican social issues, I admit, are outdated and ridiculous. However, Republicans are not going to force their ideals on us by way of federal laws and legislation. They are going to leave it up to the states, which hopefully leave it up to their cities or communities. Gives the American people a little more freedom to choose that way, don’t you think? Isn’t that what it’s all about?

    Anyway, carry on. I just wanted to contribute to the “boom” from the right. Not sure there are many of us on this site.

  • Cj Coppola

    2008/09/04 at 11:50 am

    AMEN. I found her to be mean, shallow and unnecessarily sarcastic albeit a very good teleprompter reader. I look forward to the Christmas in Sept. that will be the debate with Joltin’ Joe. Hit away, Joe. Hit away.

  • Wa

    2008/09/04 at 11:50 am

    Politics is about personality these days. Palin is pretty and charming. So is Barack. Well, charming. That goes a long way. God forbid we should discuss actual policy. I’m educated and policy even bores me. I can’t imagine how much it bores stupid people. Let us hope our charismatic candidate beats their charismatic candidate.

  • Jess

    2008/09/04 at 11:50 am

    Amen! I grew up with a single mom who refused child support from a father that always forgot my birthday. A mother who worked THREE jobs a day so I could live modestly and go to a salvation army preschool and a mother who worked her way up the corporate ladder with no college education and had to endure the unwanted advances of middle management men during the eighties. I was given the opportunity to go to college and earn a degree so I would not have to work three jobs just to survive. A mother who taught me that there were always less fortunate people who didn’t have what we had. And a mother who refused welfare because others needed it more than we did.

  • Sarah

    2008/09/04 at 11:50 am

    Stick to humor and daily life snapshots. That is what we come here for. I don’t disagree with you, but it is not what I expect from your wonderful site.

  • Sarah

    2008/09/04 at 11:50 am

    The only mistake I can find in your post is that Sarah Palin spells her name with an “h” at the end. Other than that, you were 100% correct.

1 2 3 49

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more