This here bringer of the pooper to the fun party

And… boom

Yesterday was one of those days when the Universe wraps itself around my head and humps my skull just to show its dominance. Sort of like the times Coco climbs on top of Chuck’s backside and moves her lady parts in and out, in and out, as if that would even work if things were functioning, and Chuck just stands there and lets her do it, sometimes glancing over at me as if to say, she thinks I’m buying this. She really thinks this is intimidating, and we both know that all this means is she is a total fucking nutjob.

Except, I believe the Universe very much when it tells me it is in charge. And a lot of what happened and then continued to happen yesterday falls squarely into the bag of things I will not write about on this website. And that bag is labeled PRESERVING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

I think things were made worse by my mood, one of wanting to walk around shooting randomly at things that could splatter or at least topple over in a magnificent way, and I don’t even believe in the right to own a gun. In the last few days I have received innumerable requests to weigh in on what is currently going on with the circus that is the Republican National Convention, and I call it a circus because I’m trying to be nice. You have to understand that my family reads this website, and in order for us to have a working relationship I have to be careful when I write about certain things. But my blood pressure is such that if I don’t say a few things about this then my head may just explode, and then it’d be all their fault. And they’d go to jail. So this is how I’m rationalizing what I am about to write.

I am angry. I am infuriated. And I don’t think I would be if Sarah Palin were a qualified or competent choice as McCain’s running mate. But the fact, the reality is that she is not. And instead of demanding better from their party, instead of going, wait a minute, no, we deserve better than this, many Republicans are contorting themselves into a denial of reality. (please read this, it’s a report from the AP, not some spooky liberal blog that wants to kill babies) And that right there is what has been going on for the last eight years.

And I am just so damn sick of it.

Any time I engage with one of my conservative friends or family members, or sometimes the conservative commenters on this website, it usually devolves into them screaming about WELFARE! and TAXES! and THE GOVERNMENT IS TAKING MY MONEY AND GIVING IT TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T WORK! And what they don’t understand is that this is not the issue at all. What I and many of my more liberal friends want is to HELP people, not give them a free ride, but also not to ignore those who would benefit from us tossing them a life jacket.

Case in point: Because Leta was diagnosed with plagiocephaly when she was two months old, she cannot qualify for private insurance until she is thirteen years old. So the only insurance we can get her is high-risk insurance that costs us upwards of $300 a month. Just for her alone. And even then that insurance won’t cover anything until she has reached a $3000 deductible. I am fortunate enough to have grown up in a white, middle class family who could afford to send me to college, as did my husband, and we have enough work experience to run a business that makes it so that we can afford this insurance for our daughter. We don’t have to make the choice between buying food or insuring our daughter. We are really fucking lucky.

But what about the family who cannot afford that insurance for their child? The family who can barely make rent, and if they stretch the budget they can eat three meals a day all week, let’s hope nothing bad happens to their kids because then they’re screwed. Kids, go hug your father, he’s off to one of his three jobs, none of which provide him insurance. And it’s not because he’s lazy or unwilling to work, it’s that his family couldn’t afford to send him to college, or he came from a family that didn’t know they should encourage him to go to college because they were busy trying to survive. If giving up more of my paycheck could help get this family adequate healthcare, then PLEASE. TAKE MY FUCKING MONEY.

I get the feeling that people around the world are looking at this election as a gauge to see if America is finally ready to wake up and realize that we are not the only country on this planet. They are waiting to see if we are going to put yet another fundamentalist loon in charge of public and foreign policy, someone who doesn’t think that global warming is in any way caused by humans, so screw the rest of you who live here on this planet, we need that cup of oil with breakfast in the morning.

To my readers who do not live in America, who are not American, please know that there are so many of us here who are disgusted with what we have let happen in the last eight years and are doing everything we can to ensure that it stops. We are just as scared as you are of those around us who have their fingers in their ears and are going LA LA LA LA LA in an attempt to convince themselves that their behavior and their policies are not in direct violation of the teachings of the God they think put them in power.

Vote Obama 08

  • KellyR

    As a Canadian living in the U.S I can totally relate to what you are saying. It scares me as to what we pay for health insurance and even though you pay through the nose for the premium, there are still copays, deductibles and uncovered services to pay for. People say all the time that people in Canada are dying in waiting rooms because of our healthcare system but I disagree – people die here because of the same thing because THEY DON’T HAVE INSURANCE TO BEGIN WITH. I would rather pay a little higher tax and not worry about being able to go to the Doctor than paying a premium and worrying if I have the money to pay the copay or whatnot. This system is massively flawed and I don’t see an end in sight. Companies are already cutting back what they will pay for their employees benefits and soon, we’re going to have to pick up the entire tab. My family is stuck between the working poor and blue collar – it’s paycheck to paycheck and if I could, I would pack up my husband, my kids and my stepkids and move back to Canada. I have learned to not even pay attention to the crap that goes on before an election because for one, I can’t even vote but more importantly – it doesn’t really matter what we think because I live in Nebraska and we get a whopping 2 votes. 🙁

  • Tish

    I’m really glad you posted the link to the AP report. It speaks volumes.

  • Amy

    News flash: Obama isn’t going to fix it either. He’s just another corporate puppet saying exactly what you want to hear.

    Mr Smith Goes To Washington is not the answer. Government is not the answer. Preaching about Hope and Change is not the answer. Capitalism works. So let it.

  • Beth in Michigan

    The thing that bothers me most about my conservative family members (oddly, I don’t seeme to have any conservative friends…) is the incessant wailing about the taxes. Where do they think the money comes from to pay the police who guard their homes and communities? or the firefighters and emts who come running whenever and wherever they are called? Where do they think the money comes from to fix the roads? Who do they think is paying for their social security? The so-called conservatives talk about “letting us keep more of our money” as if we all had money to keep. Yet, I don’t know a single republican who would admit to being rich. They just want to believe.

    I agree with you, Dooce, and I think that what we are seeing here are the death throes of the white patriarchy. Desperate to hang on to power they are appealing to their white, evangelical christian base with every charismatic beauty queen they can muster. But it’s too late. No matter what happens in this election, white people will be a minority in less then 50 years. They can deny evolution all they want, but as for me and my tribe? Were choosing to evolve.

  • My rage begins when people claim that everyone is given equal chances to succeed, and that everyone has the same opportunities. Um. How do they believe that?! I find it utterly confusing and cannot wrap my head around it. Have they never visited the “slums” of a large city? Have they never seen a television special about high schooler’s who have to worry about their classmates carrying a gun in to school? Unbelievable.

  • Anonymous

    I love you Heather! But I disagree – I am very tired of people thinking Obama shits rainbows and butterflies! He is Not the agent of CHANGE everyone thinks he is! Health Insurance sucks but so does socialized healthcare! I could go on and on But I will just leave it with I disagree – but I still love you!

    Leigh

  • Jana

    BRAVO *throwing roses*
    Stay mad – we have to!

  • Hannah

    Amen…it disgusts me that here, in Alabama, people are more concerned with the SEC football season that just started than this election and the HUGE impact it will have on our nation. And, don’t even get me started on Fred Thompson’s speech from the other night. There is a website that made comments about different quotes from his speech. These are some of my favorites: “We are going to nominate the next President and Vice President of the United States of America. We do so while taking a different view of our country than that of the other party.”-Sort of like how people sinking on the Titanic because they refused to believe it’d hit an iceberg had a different view than the people who’d successfully hauled ass to the lifeboats…..AND….”All I’ve got to say is that if Roberta McCain had been the McCain captured by the North Vietnamese, they would have surrendered. “-Implication: John McCain is a chickenshit compared to his mama. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Fred.

  • Karin

    I keep seeing McCain Palin as McCain Pain – and that’s exactly what it will be if they get elected.

    Thank you for saying it – and whoever said you should have spoken at the DNC was absofuckinglutely right!

  • I too am quite familiar with the insurance crisis – someone in my family worked at a place that didn’t take her seriously when she said she was getting sick…nearly died more times than I want to even think about. To think that I live in a world where large companies believe that they can buy off someone for screwing them and their families over makes me absolutely nauseous, in the way that the thought of McCain and Palin jetting this country back about 30 years (hel-lo? How is Palin’s interpretation of pro-life in ANY way protecting women’s rights?) scares the crap out of me.

    Thanks for being so eloquent in expressing your op.

  • Bravo! I don’t understand why so many people (including my own conservative family and friends) can’t understand this concept. Of course I wish that my taxes were lower – don’t we all – but if it’s the price I pay for overcoming social injustices, then I’ll happily pay. It’s so frustrating that the same crowd that is always saying that “freedom isn’t free” don’t seem to understand the concept that nothing else is, either.

  • Mo

    This is a fantastic articulation of why this election matters. I couldn’t contain my frustration and anger after watching that speech last night – so I made a $100 gift to Obama Biden ’08.

  • Another Heather

    I’m so glad my Maddi isn’t the only female spayed k-9 that takes on strange behavior like Coco… however be thankful Coco atleast preys on her own species… my girl likes to hump our cat!

  • Colleen

    Amen.
    As another priveleged white girl in America who has had the fortunate ability to attend college, several times, I whole-heartedly agree.
    I just came back from a business lunch with two very close colleagues, both conservative, and I totally understand your outrage…because I’m having identical feelings at this moment. My only solace is that my father runs the labor unions in Detroit and I grew up in a VERY Democratic household.
    As far as I’m concerned…
    IF YOU’RE NOT OUTRAGED, YOU’RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION!!! (YES, THREE)

  • Micki

    I know….I know. It all would have been so much more powerful and un-circusy if Sarah Palin had spoken from a podium that was paced before a Hollywood-esque scale model of the Parthenon.

    The Republicans really missed their chance, darnit. All show and no substance goes down MUCH better.

    Sarah Palin is doing something right in Alaska to have an 80% approval rating.

  • Kristen

    There are also true physically conservative people who have rather liberal social views. Trying to merry the two is difficult. I believe that there are MANY people who label themselves “republican” as I do – yet are also Pro-Choice, Pro-Gay Rights, and Pro “HELPING PEOPLE”. Obama has great ideas, I feel he is a good man – but he gives me (and this is my opinion) the feeling that he wants to sprinkle fairy dust on the woes of our country and it will all be better. The polarization that has happened in our country of pitting one group against the other is neither helpful nor productive.

  • This is an excellent post. As a republican with liberal tendancies, I totally agree with what you are saying and that article you linked to is exactly what helps some of us see things in the light needed and not ignore the lies because we cheer louder at our convention.

    I hope your friends and family can keep an open mind towards your opinions and decisions. I also hope you offer them the same in return.

  • Rhonda

    I couldn’t agree with you more!!! I used to be Republican but after the right-wing highjacked the party there is no place for a moderate, pro-choice person.

    This election is soo important. I hope people wake up and realize that we cannot endure another four years of the Bush-Cheney policies.

    You cannot legistate morality. The Republican party wants to impose their Judeo-Christain views on the entire publication. If you don’t agree with them then you’re wrong and a bad person as well. This is a country that was founded on freedom of religion–I just don’t undertsand these people.

  • Anonymous

    Thank you for this post! I was beginning to wonder if anyone else realized how ridiculous this whole situation is and how crazy it is that a person can stand up and say one thing knowing full well it isn’t even close to the truth. I guess the real message is it’s okay to lie as long as you think you’re not, and have a bunch of other people who will look the other way while you do it on national television.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and don’t worry your not the only one wondering if everyone else has gone crazy.

  • Soup

    Peeps, this campaign is way crazier than most, and things are going to cycle up and down like mad before Election Day finally arrives. A really positive step is to send the Obama campaign as much money as you can afford to give. Don’t let the Republican fat cats swindle and lie this one away from us. Money talks, so let your voice be heard. Do it after McCain’s speech tonight, so it looks like a total rejection of all the RNC stands for.

  • RON PAUL. That’s all I have to say about that.

  • THANK YOU!THANK YOU!THANK YOU!
    This whole thing has me sick to the stomach. My cons christian friends going on and on about Palin. What the heck? Last week you were lecturing me about returning to work when my son was a year old and how awful that was. And the damage I am doing to my 7 year old daughter because we *gasp* send her to public school and don’t home school. Now this lady has 5 kids and a pregger daughter but somehow she is glorious and God has called her to save the nation. PUKE!!

  • Aimee

    AMEN HEATHER!!!! I am a fellow Utahn voting for Obama! We need CHANGE…not a “hockey mom” and her grandpa running the show.

  • Laura S.

    I agree with Joanne (#9). Both groups want to help people but republicans stand for the greater good rather than helping out every individual that needs it.

    As for health care, private insurance does need to change to be able to make it affordable for everyone. HOWEVER, the government is not there to provide insurance for everyone. Insurance companies are in business to make money, the government is not. Besides, republicans did not invent insurance. Insurance is not around just to make democrats mad or keep the poor in their place. Insurance is a risk-based business that, unfortunately, causes some people great heartache. How can they make money when they can’t choose with whom to invest? I say this even as we are going through a similar situation.

    But remember a few years ago, someone said, “And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.” JFK said it and he was a democrat.

  • I sincerely appreciate that you wrote this. I also agree wholeheartedly.

    You said things in a way that I couldn’t, because I was just pissy about the whole thing and cursed a bunch and blew off some steam.

    Thank you.

    1,000 times over. Thank you.

  • sjaa

    Thank you, Heather. I linked to the same AP story earlier, but it will get much more attention now that you’ve done so. I still have hope that the voters in this country will see through the million tons of bullshit being dumped on them, especially the last couple of days.

    Also, I live near the RNC and those bastards are totally clogging up our infrastructure this week. Hope our Minnesota-nice hypothetical door doesn’t hit them on the ass when they all finally roll out of here tomorrow.

  • Jen

    Holy shit … that made my chest tight, in a good way. I couldn’t agree more.

  • If the republicans wanted a smart, young mother with experience managing difficult people for McCain’s VP, they should have asked you, Heather.

  • Anna

    I’m so glad I live in Europe and don’t have to worry about health insurance or how I’m gonna survive if I ever loose my job or become unable to work for some reason. you guys really shouldn’t be scared of social system, it’s only gonna make you and your kids feel safer in this tricky world.

    you tell them girl!

  • My friggen cat humped my rabbit one day. I was 5 when I saw it happen.

  • Well put. Well spoken. Well thought out.

    Hallie

  • Nothing short of Sarah Palin could make me de-lurk after years.

    More than anything, I was shocked at how sarcastic, belittling, and bitter everyone at the RNC was. And the fact that there were tens of thousands of people in the stands, laughing and booing, was mind boggling.

    I hope Obama can help us rise to a new level of civility and compassion. I’m with you. I would gladly give up more of my comfortable middle-class income to help give other people a leg up. It’s only a dog eat dog world if you buy into it.

  • kentuckienne

    Socialized health care is the canard that people drag out when they’re afraid that they’re going to lose THEIR wondrous health care. They bitch and moan about long waits for appointments in Canada and Europe, how the government will “ration” health care. As someone with a graduate degree in health policy — we already ration health care. It’s called “being insured” versus “being uninsured.” And when was the last time you got a next-day appointment for anything non-urgent? I made a dermatologist appointment today. The earliest they could get me in was Halloween. So amen, Heather — preach it.

  • Olivia

    there was a time, when i was young, that my mom needed help from strangers to put food on the table. and there were times that help wasn’t available, so she opted not to eat.

    i didn’t realize this until I was a teenager, after she had put herself through college and grad school and graduated with a 4.1 GPA. After she had applied to every scholarship possible to help pay her way through college. After she did all of that while still finding time to go to every one of my choral concerts as well as drive me and my sister and brother to church every Sunday.

    by all means, if someone needs help in the form of a bit of money they can take it from MY paycheck. i’ll gladly give up Netflix so some mother can eat dinner.

    GObama!

  • Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have just been too damn angry to comment on this situation without totally having a heart attack. I recommend that you all read Maureen Dowd’s column in the NY Times:
    http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/31/opinion/31dowd.html
    Thanks again!

  • cmom

    I agree with you -mostly- I firmly believe in higher education * I am a 39 year-old senior in college at a State University and I have a daughter at a private University in Arkansas (sophomore, with a 4.0) — BUT, in my life experience, I have known many, many people who have college degrees, and still struggle. A degree does NOT guarantee that you will never have financial problems. When you have the degree, and still cannot find a decent job, then add to it student loan payments, it gets much worse! It is a fact that as many as 60% of people with a Bachelors degree end up not even using it. You can’t make a blanket judgment that everyone with financial trouble did not go to college, because it’s just not true. I wholeheartedly agree with you on Palin, I think “under qualified” is the “understatement” of the decade! I believe that Obama can and will make a lot of positive changes in this country. I have no doubt that he will be elected now that McCain has chosen Palin. My girlfriend theorizes that McCain no longer wants to be elected, which is why he chose her. I have wondered if this is his way out, too. One can only hope…

  • Thank you for writing this.

  • Caroline

    After watching Palin and others last night, I made my first contribution to a political campaign. I hated to do it – the way campaigns are run and paid for in this country is a disgrace…but I really wanted to support Obama – being a fellow “community organizer” and not feeling good about being laughed at by those morons!

  • amy

    Agreed.

    And I’m not even American.

  • Yecats

    soooooooo there with you my friend. without looking, i KNEW what the link was going to show me (i had read it this a.m. and almost choked)… anywho, i am not nor should ANYONE with a brain be afraid to say “wake the fuck up people”. truly, this woman, although a fine person in many ways, i’m sure (how the fuck do i know???), is not what this country needs. she doesn’t even seem to realize that she is being used…

    politics is a nasty dirty business. and although i can be nasty and dirty…i’m sad…b/c i think its gonna get worse before its gets better. yet…this liberal is trying to stay positive.

  • sjaa

    Also, this is a great article to help you cool off a bit. I read it and felt much better than there are smart people out there that are able to articulate what I’ve been thinking.

    http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/09/03/rosen.palin/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

  • My mom changed her vote even during the primaries – she’ll be one more registered Republican voting for Obama. It’s still so delicate that I don’t bring it up, for fear she might change her mind just so her daughter can’t say “I told you so.”

  • Meg

    Heather, first of all, there are plenty of Republicans, myself included, that read and love your blog. And while you don’t agree with us, that doesn’t make us uneducated, stupid hillbillies, as you seem to imply. While I respect your opinions, I disagree with almost everything you said. Thats great you grew up in a white middle class family. You should also be thankful that you grew up in a place like Utah–where you don’t have to see the massive abuse of the welfare system everyday. I grew up in an inner city environment. When you see it every single day–watching people lazily collecting their monthly check without working an ounce–it does start to wear on you. Truly it does. And honestly, while I respect everyone’s opinions, its our election, and I don’t care who Canadians or Australians hope to win. They don’t vote here. Oh, and one more thing–Global Warming? Yes, its a very scary thought, but lets not forget that its a theory, yet unproven. To be fair, thats not MY personal opinion, thats the opinion of many, many experts in the field of climate change. Just throwing that out there!

  • Liz

    AMEN. As a white, LDS woman who married into a family of crazed gun-toting libertarians (I wouldn’t undo it, but to be fair, this was not fully disclosed at the time of the nuptials), I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I have found myself keeping my mouth shut on the brink of tears just to preserve a relationship for the sake of my marriage and children.

  • Andrea

    Perfect. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  • Meghan

    Probably one of the best posts you’ve ever written. From an avid reader in the Deep South, I COULDN’T AGREE MORE.

  • kat

    Universal healthcare isn’t just about being nice and helping people (although that’s certainly not the worst thing in the world). It’s actually MORE cost-effective for taxpayers. People who can’t afford basic checkups often wind up using the emergency room as primary care, which is mind-bogglingly expensive. And the government ends up absorbing the cost because people can’t pay those bills, either.

    Why taxpayers would want to waste millions of dollars treating afflictions that could’ve been prevented with a simple and relatively cheap checkup is beyond me. The US spends more on healthcare than any other industrialized nation, and we have the highest mortality rate. Go figure.

  • Well done. After watching her speech last night, I’ve decided that Sarah Palin is Ann Coulter in a woman’s body. McCain picking her was a cynical choice made solely to drum up votes from disenfranchised Hilary supporters and rightwingers. There’s no way that McCain can honestly say that she is the person who should be running the country in the event of his death. But the base loves her so there you go.

  • Ninabi

    We have a teenage son who had a bone tumor removed from his femur last year. What happens when he is no longer covered by his father’s insurance in a few years?

    Our daughter will be graduating with a degree in electrical engineering. She has lupus. Where she seeks employment or if she goes into business for herself, depends on her ability to get health insurance.

    I shake my head thinking of my retired, Republican relatives who are excited by McCain, who are enjoying the benefits of social security and medicare after years of 40 hour work weeks- programs set up by (gasp) liberals.

    And I cannot imagine running my household as wastefully as the Bush administration. What’s the debt running now? Something along the lines of a million dollars a minute, I believe. How is that conserving anything?

    The day I found out my husband was going to be deployed to Iraq was the day I wised up to the fact that what is on CNN can affect my family directly. Time for a change.

    Even the sound of Palin’s voice….shudder….

  • WELL, WELL, WELL PUT. I am a Canadian living in the U.S. til next March and am so engaged in the process that I am going to volunteer for Obama, to do anything I can. I don’t even know what I can say that you haven’t, but the fact is, if for some reason the Republicans are successful, I’m moving home early, and pulling the covers over my head.