Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

And… boom

Yesterday was one of those days when the Universe wraps itself around my head and humps my skull just to show its dominance. Sort of like the times Coco climbs on top of Chuck’s backside and moves her lady parts in and out, in and out, as if that would even work if things were functioning, and Chuck just stands there and lets her do it, sometimes glancing over at me as if to say, she thinks I’m buying this. She really thinks this is intimidating, and we both know that all this means is she is a total fucking nutjob.

Except, I believe the Universe very much when it tells me it is in charge. And a lot of what happened and then continued to happen yesterday falls squarely into the bag of things I will not write about on this website. And that bag is labeled PRESERVING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

I think things were made worse by my mood, one of wanting to walk around shooting randomly at things that could splatter or at least topple over in a magnificent way, and I don’t even believe in the right to own a gun. In the last few days I have received innumerable requests to weigh in on what is currently going on with the circus that is the Republican National Convention, and I call it a circus because I’m trying to be nice. You have to understand that my family reads this website, and in order for us to have a working relationship I have to be careful when I write about certain things. But my blood pressure is such that if I don’t say a few things about this then my head may just explode, and then it’d be all their fault. And they’d go to jail. So this is how I’m rationalizing what I am about to write.

I am angry. I am infuriated. And I don’t think I would be if Sarah Palin were a qualified or competent choice as McCain’s running mate. But the fact, the reality is that she is not. And instead of demanding better from their party, instead of going, wait a minute, no, we deserve better than this, many Republicans are contorting themselves into a denial of reality. (please read this, it’s a report from the AP, not some spooky liberal blog that wants to kill babies) And that right there is what has been going on for the last eight years.

And I am just so damn sick of it.

Any time I engage with one of my conservative friends or family members, or sometimes the conservative commenters on this website, it usually devolves into them screaming about WELFARE! and TAXES! and THE GOVERNMENT IS TAKING MY MONEY AND GIVING IT TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T WORK! And what they don’t understand is that this is not the issue at all. What I and many of my more liberal friends want is to HELP people, not give them a free ride, but also not to ignore those who would benefit from us tossing them a life jacket.

Case in point: Because Leta was diagnosed with plagiocephaly when she was two months old, she cannot qualify for private insurance until she is thirteen years old. So the only insurance we can get her is high-risk insurance that costs us upwards of $300 a month. Just for her alone. And even then that insurance won’t cover anything until she has reached a $3000 deductible. I am fortunate enough to have grown up in a white, middle class family who could afford to send me to college, as did my husband, and we have enough work experience to run a business that makes it so that we can afford this insurance for our daughter. We don’t have to make the choice between buying food or insuring our daughter. We are really fucking lucky.

But what about the family who cannot afford that insurance for their child? The family who can barely make rent, and if they stretch the budget they can eat three meals a day all week, let’s hope nothing bad happens to their kids because then they’re screwed. Kids, go hug your father, he’s off to one of his three jobs, none of which provide him insurance. And it’s not because he’s lazy or unwilling to work, it’s that his family couldn’t afford to send him to college, or he came from a family that didn’t know they should encourage him to go to college because they were busy trying to survive. If giving up more of my paycheck could help get this family adequate healthcare, then PLEASE. TAKE MY FUCKING MONEY.

I get the feeling that people around the world are looking at this election as a gauge to see if America is finally ready to wake up and realize that we are not the only country on this planet. They are waiting to see if we are going to put yet another fundamentalist loon in charge of public and foreign policy, someone who doesn’t think that global warming is in any way caused by humans, so screw the rest of you who live here on this planet, we need that cup of oil with breakfast in the morning.

To my readers who do not live in America, who are not American, please know that there are so many of us here who are disgusted with what we have let happen in the last eight years and are doing everything we can to ensure that it stops. We are just as scared as you are of those around us who have their fingers in their ears and are going LA LA LA LA LA in an attempt to convince themselves that their behavior and their policies are not in direct violation of the teachings of the God they think put them in power.

Vote Obama 08

  • Thank you for writing this. McCain’s choice of Palin is incredibly irresponsible and if it weren’t completely terrifying it would be pretty hilarious.

  • Anonymous

    I agree with your post 100%. I am the inactive daughter of a very active family. I joked that while growing up we had three pictures in my parents entry way, Jesus, Joseph Smith, and Ronald Reagan.

    I can not discuss politics with my family. I never voted for W. I am an Obama girl who hides it from her family because they barely stomach my inactivity. My dad asked me what I think of Palin and instead of telling him the truth I just shrugged my shoulders. My father thinks Rush speaks the truth and Fox is Fair and Balanced and Liberal is an insult. I really wish I was brave enough to wear my Obama shirt.

  • DRob

    Being well off and able to afford insurance is about luck? The logic is disturbing. And the AP is not liberal? Please.

  • Katie

    So, um, pardon me for disagreeing with the masses, but what exactly has Obama done that is so damn wonderful? And what is so wrong with Palin? She’s the only one on any ticket with executive experience of any kind – including the presidential candidates. You can mock the state of Alaska, but despite all that, she is still the leader of it.

    And this whole global warming crap … don’t worry. The planet is not self-destructing in the next four to eight years. Neither candidate will have that much of an impact on the ENTIRE GLOBE any time soon. Think China.

  • FK

    I agree with you wholeheartedly. Watching Palin speak last night turned my stomach – it was so surreal, like I can’t really believe that this person is seriously a contender for VP of the US. WTF? All I kept hearing in my head as she was talking was Hilary saying “No way. No How. No McCain.” I’m barely worried about McCain at this point — there is just NO WAY on earth that this woman can be put in charge of anything, much less something as important as the whole country. Think nobody can be worse than Bush? This woman is a million times worse – library censorship? Doesn’t “believe” in the theory of evolution (and, guess what folks, a scientific theory is a totally different from the colloquial use of theory!)? The stakes are so high, it scares the s**t out of me.

  • a

    here here!

  • jin-ah

    Did you hear Ms. Palin talk on C-Span? She should stick to leading Alaska, since she was so unabashedly Alaska-centric the whole time; her whole agenda was about “helping Alaska.” Does she realize she’s running for VP of the entire COUNTRY? She has me, a 30-something feminist at heart, groaning that her infant needs her as a mother more than this (or any) country needs her as a leader. The fact people aren’t more critical of this nitwit, but even praising her, is just scary!

  • Patrick

    As a conservative, I will respectfully disagree with some of your statements. Sarah may not have Washington experience yet, but be honest with yourself…does Obama really have her beat by that much in experience? No. Biden at least brings that to the Obama camp, but, unfortunately, Biden is the embodiment of a dirty – hide behind my smile- politician.

    This is not to say that I am completely for McCain, because I am not. However, the choice between a dedicated American with an uncorrupted Governor vs. a great speaker and his entrenched-in-his-ways VP, I will choose the former.

    Thanks for the post.

  • I talked with my mom last night on the phone about the one thing I swore I would never talk about with her – politics. As a former Mormon in a currently Mormon family, it’s a euphemism to say that our views differ. She told me she was glad Palin had been nominated because she had been unsure of voting at all, so I asked why she was so undecided. When she told me, “because McCain was too liberal,” I almost choked.

  • Sadly, it’s getting to the point that even a college education is no safeguard against the travails of our economy. I love this story by Heather Ryan on Salon about when she had to take her family to the soup kitchen. She has a master’s degree AND a job. It’s not just the impoverished and unemployable people who are feeling the strain these days.

    Up until my recent marriage, I was a struggling single mom. As a single mom, I could not afford to live on my own, work, and pay daycare for the girls. I made $40,000 a year in a city with a very reasonable cost of living but I basically had to choose between paying rent or paying daycare. I had to choose between buying food or paying a skyrocketing electric bill. And there were times I had to choose between putting gas in my car so I could go to work or paying a doctor/prescription copay for the girls. I didn’t qualify for daycare assistance. I didn’t qualify for housing, medical, or food assistance. Something is broken when people who are making a decent wage and not spending extravagantly can’t feed their children without something else falling by the wayside.

  • Alexandra

    Dude!!! I feel like you drilled into my skull and took the thoughts right out of my head!!!

    Besides all the false accusations and shit talking that went on last night, the worst part, the most appalling part, was the “drill baby drill” chanting. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!??? I have never been more afraid of the citizens of my country. Oh WAIT no . . . I had never been more afraid until Sarah Palin took the stage.

    She is like this bionic monster made in a lab and bred to deceive people and simply scare the shit out of those of who cannot be deceived.

    I have no idea how human beings can be so ignorant as to support a Candidate and his running mate who only want to bully everybody who is different from them, and to be against a man who genuinely wants kindness, health, happiness, and equality for all the people of this country, even those who have different beliefs then he does.

  • Dear Heather,
    Thank you so much for this – I am an American living abroad (in Germany) and have been trying to follow everything going on over there – but I just have no way of knowing what the “average” American thinks about the amazing amount of bullshit being told by the Republicans…I am so glad to read your reaction and know that there ARE some intelligent people over there who are not buying it! When I read Sara Palin’s speech this morning on the web, I was outraged. I couldn’t stop saying “Oh, please!” out loud. I really hope the people can see through this ridiculous choice for a VP and be aware of Obama’s serious intentions of change for the better.
    Thanks for the chance to comment here!
    I wish you all the best.

  • I’m with you: if taking a little more of my money helps people who need it, by all means, take some! I’m lucky, I get military healthcare and never have to worry about how my next prescription is getting paid for.

  • Emily

    Thank you. I’m glad I’m not the only one who is getting fired up over this.

    Obama is such a Barackstar!

  • Louisa

    I am apologizing in advance for what is about to be a lengthy comment Heather and the readers. But I have been waiting SO long for you to comment and you did !! YES!

    I am Canadian and I am in a state of utter fascination, shock, horror and all the words in between as I watch the righty’s convention. Why he has picked this militant, vendetta seeking, clearly inexperienced women as his second in command baffles and boggles the mind. Why he would pick a woman that in June stated in a speech “That it was GODS will for the USA to invade Iraq” Or a woman who wanted to ban books before becoming governor from schools, and did not get her way. So when she became governor she promptly FIRED the librarians for not following in line!!
    Why would you want a vice president who until 2 years ago had never had a god damn freaking passport …can ya see her sitting a table with Putin as he snickers and thinks what a bunch of yahoos! She angers and infuriates me on so many levels. She makes me nervous as a Canadian to think what whacked out crazy ideas she will have in store for my country if she ended up in office!! Sheer fear

    Go Barrack Obama!! You need to win this election to save your country from the asshatary that is Palin!!! I so wish I was American which pains me to say (sorry all you lovely normal Americans) so I could vote for this man to lead your country!!

    Well said Heather well fucking said !!!

  • Mara Leonardi

    I am a liberal democrat who is willing to admit that McCain and Palin are interesting people and probably have leadership qualities (they say Obama does not) and the ability to make decisions, but I do not agree with ANY of the decisions they are looking to make!

    How can you want women to go back to the days of unsafe, wire-hanger, back-alley abortions? Are the Pro-Lifers willing to adopt abandoned, HIV-positive babies of color? Because then they wouldn’t have to worry about giving all of their money to mothers on welfare. Nobody sees a pregnant teenager as a blessing.

    And why are red-state republicans always talking about God? Wasn’t this country founded on the separation of church and state?

    Remember people, the most powerful thing we can do to be heard is to VOTE!

  • Stacey

    Hang in there. I come from a very conservative family too. Thanks for saying what we all are thinking!

  • Cathy T

    Sing it, sister. Sarah Palin is so wrong for so many reasons. Besides her complete lack of experience, I find it blatantly irresponsible that she would throw her hat into the ring given her family situation. I’m all 100% modern working woman with 2 kids myself, BUT my 4 month old son does not have Down Syndrome and my 17 year old daughter will not be giving birth a month before I would enter the White House. Her family needs her significantly more than this country does.

    GO OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!

  • Amy

    I read your blog daily and have never commented before but I feel compelled this time. I truly enjoy reading your blogs and the one today completely sums up the way I feel about the politics in this country. Thank you for putting into words what I am feeling! I also have conservative family members to deal so I completely empathize. Go Obama!

  • malin

    Thank You, my ears have been ringing in pain since all the Palin Praising on the news this morning, I still feel sick.

  • DJK

    hahahaha you say “we need change not a hockey mom”…. That hockey mom IS change… not platitudes from an empty suit. I guess what you’re looking for then a communist and a douchebag.

  • I have been so fired up this morning – texting,, and emailing the link to the same article to all my friends. I usually think that voting is making a decision to support the lesser of two evils, as all politicians…are…well, politicians. There are skeletons in every closet. This time (as the last), though, thank you, GOP for making this decision so easy! And the blantant tokenism of presenting a candidate based on her XX chromosomes…infuriating.

  • DJK

    The fact of the matter is that she has more experience than Obama, which didn’t matter to the liberals (you people) until Palin showed up… Hypocrisy abound…and..Obama’s a communist.

  • Ali

    Here’s a link about Palin cutting special needs funding in Alaska by 62% (with sources):

  • Lisa

    Please consider that the most important thing we can fight for is the RIGHT TO LIFE. What does it say about us all as humans when we live in a world that allows the killing of innocent babies before they can see the light of day? Many years ago I would have agreed with you, Dooce, and the many commenters here so far. But that was back when I was willing to abort three of my children. Needless to say, I really did not understand the worth of a human life back then. And needless to say, not a day goes by that I do not regret my choices. Not a day goes by that I do not mourn my children. I sure wish it hadn’t been an option.
    America, please consider this issue thoroughly when choosing who gets your vote.

  • TXMama

    Thank you, Heather! I also come from a family of Republicans and we just cannot speak about politics at all. Ever. Out of no where, BOTH of my Republican parents voted Democrat in the TX Primary! As did my husband’s family. We both almost fell over! Texans aren’t all out of touch!!! We believe in HOPE. For all of us….not just a select few!

    OBAMA 2008!!!!!

  • anne

    a-fucking-men. I’m so irate over what’s going on right now – what HAS been going on for years and years – that I can barely form words to put together an intelligent sentence or two. And I sometimes wonder if that’s the goal of all this…to make us all feel like blundering idiots, because surely that’s the only way we’d fall for their crap.


    Thank you for writing this.

  • jennifer

    Thank you so much for putting into words exactly what I’ve been feeling. I am so tired of the more taxes = supporting lazy welfare trash argument. Government has a responsibility to help those who cannot help themselves. It is crazy to me there are those who would disagree with that statement. I live in Indiana. Don’t count us out. We’re more purple than anything these days. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get out and vote in November.

  • Jessi

    Thank you so much for this post.

    Oxford, Mississippi

  • APazoo

    Thank you. Right on.

  • Amen.

    What healthcare has become in this country is an absolute embarrassment–especially with regard to children.

    I simply can’t believe how close this race appears to be… apparently the experience thing is resonating. But seriously people, let’s take a good hard look how beneficial dubya’s ‘experience’ has been for the country.

    This is the first time in eight years that I’ll be voting FOR a president, rather than against the other guy. Obama is precisely what we need. He’s someone who can actually inspire people to follow instead of simply dragging their feet behind the same tired mantras.

  • Courtney

    Amazing post Heather. I think you expressed the sentiments of many many American’s. Let’s just hope it’s the majority of them.

  • Well said. I wish you could say more. Once my dad complained about how much he pays in taxes. It was a huge number. I was like “Dude, do you know how much money you had to make to pay that much in taxes!” How much money is enough???

  • After listening to an entire office of rich, white men go on all day about how amazing Sarah Palin is, I thought I may shove a pencil in my eye. Now, I’m breathing a bit more calmly. Thanks for your always insightful words and for showing how to disagree gracefully.

  • Kelly

    Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! I barely slept last night b/c I kept dreaming about this awful woman and the campaign she and Voldemort are going to run between now and November. It scares the sh*t out of me and my husband.

  • Nicole

    You hit this one square on the head for me. I can’t believe how many times I have been insulted by my conservative friends…the same friends whose parents may have used a program developed by Democrats for HELP, not handouts. Thank you for putting this so perfectly so I can point my friends to this entry for a perfect description of how I feel. Bravo, Heather, bravo!

  • Jessica

    Srsly! How do they get away with claiming that they are the smaller government – less taxes – healthy economy party!?!? The federal deficit has BALLOONED under the GOP reign, the economy is in the tank, and Obama’s economic plan will cut more taxes for more people (just not the super rich) than McCain’s.

  • DJK

    I guess when the AP does a fact check on Obama, I’ll listen to them.

  • Yet another reason I like you.

  • I am truly fearful. Bill Clinton had it right when he said the next administration needs to repair our relationship with the world. A lipsticked pitbull ain’t gonna do it, neither is a “c word” dropping maverick. I hope people demand better.

  • Heather, I almost cried after I read your post. And not just because some of the views McCain/Palin and other conservatives have give nothing to the greater good. Mostly because I understand what it’s like to have a family member who can’t afford insurance, who desperately needs it after 2 short stays in a psychiatric hospital for suicidal ideation because of chronic headaches that have not been diagnosed and treated so that he is no longer in excrutiating pain everyday.

    Your writing has helped me through my own depression this year – being weaned off of Cymbalta because it no longer works for me, and dealing with the emotional roller coaster that goes along with that experience. Thank you for letting women know all over the planet that we have a voice and it should be heard.

    I had been reading the link to the Palin fact sheet on yahoo and couldn’t find that page again until I came to your blog.

    Thanks again for making your voice heard.

    Kim NW Indiana

  • Anne

    p.s. Lisa…I never respond to pro-life comments, but really? You think if abortion had been illegal it would have stopped you from having one? That’s what you guys don’t get. Making it illegal doesn’t stop it from happening, and nothing ever will (sadly). It’ll just make it more difficult, more dangerous, and more people – women AND babies – will die because of it.

    Marijuana is illegal and I could get my hands on it in 2.5 seconds if I wanted (and right now, it doesn’t sound like such a bad idea.)

    The laws aren’t the problem. Human behavior and lack of sex education and resources are. It’s time to refocus your energy.

  • Jenni

    Nice link to the AP article. I’ve been hitting waiting for their analysis of last night. There were too many half-truths and bald-faced lies for me to keep track of.

    Thank you too, for eloquently expressing my own outrage. How dare any party ‘pick a skirt’ and expect that to change my vote. How dare any party tell me I should identify with their nominee because we have the same sex chromosomes. And how dare any party insult my intelligence by assuming I won’t check a candidate’s record on the issues before casting my vote.

  • Robyn

    Love you, Dooce. Super, super post.

    True story:

    I followed a link from HuffPo, and ended up on the balanced and open-minded Christian Science Monitor’s website this morning, reading an article about Palin’s speech last night. I posted some thoughts honestly, but politely (albeit through clenched teeth). After a moment, I had another thought, and attempted to post that. I got a pop-up that said: “Slow down! You’re posting too fast.” And my post was rejected.

    I went directly to Obama’s website, and donated as much as I could. Again.

  • Maria

    I very much agree with your post.

    This is an excellent response to the Republicans’ denigration of community organizers:

  • Theresa

    Thank you so much for posting this. I’ve been worried that I was kind of obsessed and weird about how furious I am with this Palin mess, but now I don’t feel so bad. Her entire background and history is very unsettling and sketchy to say the least, and the sheer cynical hypocrisy exhibited by the RNC is staggering. But her speech put me over the top. The smug, spiteful, smarmy exaggerations, half-truths and outright lies about Obama made me furious; watching a huge crowd of Republicans hoot and holler and eat it up made me feel sick.

  • Stephanie

    I grew up in a family without health insurance, had to work three jobs throughout college to pay for tuition myself, and I’m voting for McCain/Palin. My family gives back a tremendous amount to our community and to those in need, even though we have always had very little ourselves. It’s about something bigger than socialized medicine or welfare. As much as I hate the dirtyness of politics in general and wish there were an ideal candidate who combined the best of Dems and Republicans, I go with the side that is the most supportive of family and life issues. Because what do we have without either of those things?

    Just weighing in on the other side . . .

  • Sarah B.

    FOR REALS! I’ve been trying to watch the convention so that I’m educated about what they’re saying, but I just can’t stomach it. Rage + nowhere to direct it = high blood pressure.

    The Republicans seem to prey on fear. They seem to be saying, if you don’t elect us, the collective “they” that you’re afraid of will win. The terrorists will get us, the Mexicans will take over our country and the gays will destroy our families. And yes, I do think many right-wingers would group terrorists, Mexicans and gay people together.

    Why is it that so many conservative friends and family members refuse to discuss politics, saying that it’s “personal” or “impolite.” I really believe that they’re ashamed of their beliefs. If you’re ashamed of your own beliefs, shouldn’t that tell you something?

    And would someone explain to me how the Republicans get away with painting themselves as “good old boys” and “regular folk” when Bush was raised rich and went to Yale, McCain has been in the Senate for over 25 years and is a millionaire and Obama was raised by a single mother with no money? How is that WE’RE the elitists?

    And why is it that whenever a “liberal” discusses his/her feelings in an open forum they are told essentially to “shut up and sing”? I already read one comment about how Heather should: “Stick to humor and daily life snapshots. That is what we come here for. I don’t disagree with you, but it is not what I expect from your wonderful site.” First of all, how can you speak to anything but what YOU come here for? I don’t think you know the whole Internet. Also, if you do read this site regularly, then you know that it’s about a lot more than just sunshine and lollipops.

    Keep speaking your mind, Heather. I know you will.

  • Sara

    Heather, while I don’t agree with everything you wrote in this post, I still plan on continuing to read It bothers me that some of the commenters are upset that you wrote about what you think…on your own blog. Hello?

    I respect you opinions and I will keep reading and loving your family even though I don’t always agree with you.

    People, she can write what she wants. It’s HER blog.

  • Ugh, I very much agree. The Palin angle scares the shit out of me and I am truly, truly shocked and offended by how many people now assume that I will consider McCain now that he up and chose a woman. I wish I had more confidence that our country would see through this bullshit ticket and make a choice that gives us half a chance to recover from the barrage of stupid that we’ve been wallowing in for the last 8 years.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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