the smell of my desperation has become a stench


Maybe only women will understand this, but do you ever catch yourself with your mouth wide open while you’re trying to apply mascara? And then if you try to close your mouth, if you concentrate on pressing your lips together, it’s almost impossible to apply your mascara correctly? Chuck experiences the exact same thing when he tries to roll over. He can’t do it without making a werewolf face, and I bet if I tried duct taping his mouth closed he’d be completely immobile.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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