the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Afterward we cut them up, tossed them on a peanut butter sandwich and fed them to Elvis

Me: “Jon, I have no idea how we’re going to dress up the dogs for Halloween this year.”

Jon: “How about Chuck as McCain, Coco as Palin?”

Me: “Too topical.”

Jon: “Batman and Robin?”

Me: “Too popular.”

Jon: “Woody Allen and Annie Hall?”

Me: “How on earth—”

Jon: “Ahmadinejad?”

Me: “Who is Ahmadinejad’s sidekick?”

Jon: “Satan.”

Me: “We’ve already done that.”

Jon: “This conversation is starting to feel exactly like asking Leta what she wants for dinner.”

Me: “Except I don’t want to dress the dogs up as chicken nuggets.”

Jon: “How about something literal? Maybe dress them up as nuts?”

Me: “Ooooh, you’re on to something!”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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