the smell of my desperation has become a stench


“Who is it this time?”

“Either FedEx or UPS.”

“I hope it’s that UPS guy. He always flinches when I lose my mind and bark like someone is ripping off my limbs.”

“Why do you do that? Do you have any idea how dumb you look?”

“I can’t control it.”

“That’s the worst excuse I’ve ever heard. You’re a herding breed. You can corner an entire flock of sheep, but you can’t keep your damn mouth shut?”

“Chuck, I eat my own poop. My therapist and I haven’t even talked about my barking problem.”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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