the smell of my desperation has become a stench

4/4 time

I think the best way to describe what it’s been like to bring a second child into the family is to imagine having a jazz band blasting an improvisational set in your left ear while listening to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing Christmas carols in your right ear, and there you are, a drummer in a rock band, and you’re on stage in front of 30,000 people trying to keep the beat to an acoustic version of “God Save the Queen” by the Sex Pistols.

I’m trying to find the rhythm. I’m getting there, but it’s slow going. This is all to say, thank you for being patient with me, I know posting has been light and it will continue to be for the next little while as I navigate a path through all this chaos. I’m still physically healing, and even though I gave birth without any drugs, the recovery has been just as painful and frustrating and ongoing as it was after giving birth with an epidural. I’ve got a post coming about labor, about how transforming the experience was for me, but it’s a long one and I’m still hammering away at all the tiny details. All while attached to my adorable, chubby caterpillar who from day one made it quite clear that she’d rather be no where else on earth than nestled right into my chest. I will tell you this, it has been so much better this time, still a little bumpy and rough here and there with one or two absolute freak outs, but I’ve been so much more diligent about taking every moment I can to stare at her and adore her every feature. And the weirdest thing has happened, this whole experience has increased my love for Leta by a measure I didn’t know was possible. I can say that right now, here this morning as my second child dozes on my breast, that I have never been happier in my entire life.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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